Corporate bellendary at work.

[Anubis]

Of course, we could have Chris all wrong. He may be making one of these....

 

 

[Rico1304]

The bloke I mentioned in this thread is back after a year off. He's a shadow of his former self, it's sad. He's now just biding his time tell he's 55 in 3 years and can quit.

[Chip Butty]

"Synergize" and its other abbreviations and "robust outputs with clear defined timelines" are now the word and phrase of choice these days in the monstrosity that is our place.

 

 

And the next abject wanker that say's " I get that but.." I'm going to cut in straight away and say - good, I'm glad you do, so stop asking stupid pointless questions. 

 

 

" Challenge" fuck off. 

[Herp McDerp]

The bloke I mentioned in this thread is back after a year off. He's a shadow of his former self, it's sad. He's now just biding his time tell he's 55 in 3 years and can quit.

Haha, quitting at 55, I'll be lucky if the retirement age is 70 by the time it's my turn.

[Rico1304]

I've just got a new job, my old boss is a very blunt character, rubs a lot of people up the wrong way but I got on OK with him. Over the last week or so I've checked in with my new boss a couple of times and he's now told me I should ask for 'forgiveness not permission' - he may regret that.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I've just got a new job, my old boss is a very blunt character, rubs a lot of people up the wrong way but I got on OK with him. Over the last week or so I've checked in with my new boss a couple of times and he's now told me I should ask for 'forgiveness not permission' - he may regret that.

 

There's a guy in my work similar to that.  Very blunt and can come across as aggressive but he gets his job done very well and if someone fucks up and it impacts on him then he will let him know.  You've just got to stand your ground with people like that if you are in the right and don't try and bullshit your way out if you're wrong. 

[Anubis]

I've just got a new job, my old boss is a very blunt character, rubs a lot of people up the wrong way but I got on OK with him. Over the last week or so I've checked in with my new boss a couple of times and he's now told me I should ask for 'forgiveness not permission' - he may regret that.

Well that's virtually an invitation to become the next Frank Abagnale Jr.

[Rico1304]

Well that's virtually an invitation to become the next Frank Abagnale Jr.

I did give myself a day in bed yesterday!

[Bob]

at a business lunch last week I got caught saying "we need to play to our strengths and not reinvent the wheel".

 

I was rightly made to look like a corporate bellend for my corporate bellendary!

[stringvest]

I've just got a new job, my old boss is a very blunt character, rubs a lot of people up the wrong way but I got on OK with him. Over the last week or so I've checked in with my new boss a couple of times and he's now told me I should ask for 'forgiveness not permission' - he may regret that.

 

that's my old line.  I often didn't get it.  

[Dr Nowt]

Interviewed a post-grad with an MBA in Brand Strategy yesterday. Possibly the most bullshit I've ever heard in a single half hour. I think the question I asked the most was "yes, but what does that actually mean in practical terms?"

Take it to the Arguing About Former Managers Forum.

[Mook]

I've been doing something for a bloke in New York & he keeps referring to it as a 'work stream'.

 

'Can we close the work stream now?'

 

'Thanks for all your help with this work stream.'

 

Cunt.

[Rico1304]

We've had a 'strategic review' ongoing for 12 months. The first announcement was yesterday and they've fired the MD. I don't think that was the kind of outcome he was expecting.

[Rico1304]

It's a theme...a mate works for a car finance company in Watford, he was asked to look at a restructure for the MD as they were in trouble. His recommendation was 4 redundancies. You can guess the rest.

[Stu Monty]

It's a theme...a mate works for a car finance company in Watford, he was asked to look at a restructure for the MD as they were in trouble. His recommendation was 4 redundancies. You can guess the rest.

Glad they changed the lyrics to Love is the drug.

 

This first draft of that verse is shite.

[Anubis]

Now that Gove has dumped the last of Grayling's white elephants, two tier criminal legal aid contracts, that will have saved hundreds of small businesses, and thousands of jobs. It was the right thing to do, but ironically will now lead to a strategic review of our department which means I'll be up for 'consideration!'

[sir roger]

I'm hearing ' Blue Sky Thinking ' has given way to ' Black Box Thinking ' whereby you learn from your cock-ups.

[Section_31]

I find it really nauseating how birds suck up to corporate Alpha males. If the guy has got some pull in the place it's a proper swoon fest with cats claws for anyone who dare try and steal their thunder. Can't really imagine fellas sucking up to a female boss like that, but maybe they do I don't know. 

[Bob]

None of the fuckers suck up to me. Psh

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

My bosses keep reiterating the importance or meeting the 'delivery' of my current project while giving me 'urgent' work meaning I can't actually work on my current project.

 

Shits about to hit the fan.

[Furmedge]

I work remotely so can go months without seeing any colleagues. We infrequently get invited in for a 'standardisation meeting' which is corporate speak for 'you're all doing shit wrong, come here while we tell you off all day'. I've declined their kind invitation for this Friday as I'm busy with clients for an hour in the morning and then sitting at home for the rest of the day.

[Bob]

I'm dealing with one of the worlds largest firms around a European compliance project.

 

I need to have certain information. I can't do my job without it, ergo they cannot comply without providing it, and to date, despite several conference calls to the states, they've still provided next to nothing.

 

Just fucking get on with it

[Rico1304]

We lost 500 jobs yesterday, bad times.

[Juniper]

Annoying woman at our work who loves using corporate phrases yesterday described one of her pet cats as a forward thinker who strategises.

 

I wish I was joking

[Moo]

around