Captain Turdseye

What you on about? Ross Kemp was in the SAS.

It is pretty grim having a nice family, being with someone you love and enjoy being around, who looks after you when you’re ill, makes you laugh every day, cooks for you, washes your undies and regularly indulges in sexy time. I’d give it all up tomorrow if it meant I could be more like you, bro.

Real Sociedad. CUNTS.

Hades mentioned having a girlfriend not so long ago. It obviously must have gone wrong in spectacular fashion.

I’m clean shaven these days, using Gillette razors and gel. Women love the pedestal that puts me on.

My bird is friends with/used to work for a proper posh cunt from Sudbury in Suffolk. Multi-millionaire, heir to a fortune and owns about half of the business premises in the town we live in. He came to a BBQ for my birthday a few years back and spent the entire afternoon asking me and my best mate for stories about Aki. This fella is the last person I’d have thought would have heard of him. Purps is not just a North-West phenomenon. He’s gone nationwide.

Two people in the other car being treated for minor injuries apparently.

Fuck off Tony.

Roy Cropper has to be in the conversation.

Norris.

This bimbo got pregnant again, before accusing her fella of rape and leaving him for good a couple of months ago. I only met the bloke once. We went round there for a BBQ last summer and I sold him a duff car. I saw him at the shop a few weeks ago. He was walking out as I was walking in, put his head down and wouldn’t look at me. I wondered what that was all about. Whatever has gone on between him and his missus is none of my business and I couldn’t give less of a shit to be honest. Like I said in that post 18 months ago, I’ve enough problems of my own without worrying about people I barely know. I was in the shop for a few minutes and all I could hear outside was him trying and failing to get the car I’d sold him to start. I left the shop and drove away trying to stifle my laughter while he was trying to get the car started. Well, since being accused and arrested for domestic violence and rape, he’s decided and told the police that the baby his ex is due to have in a couple of weeks isn’t his. It’s mine! It’s a bit of shock seeing as I never had sexual relations with the woman but I’m going to be a dad again!

His body double almost died today as well. The cover up continues.

My missus orders the shopping but it’s me that has to write the list and put the stuff away. I should fuck her off shouldn’t I, Hades?

Aston Villa there.