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Dr Nowt

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Dr Nowt last won the day on September 29 2020

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About Dr Nowt

  • Rank
    Letter glutton

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  • Gender
    Not Telling
  • Location
    : Psychotic playground
  • Interests
    Taint-sniffing deviant. Arrogance. Wannabe wordsmith

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  1. Dr Nowt

    New Super League to Rival CL - 11 Clubs Sign Up

    Setting aside the obvious morality issues for just a second, this will be shit and bore everyone to fucking tears in no time. A quarter of the sides we play every year guaranteed to be English? That’ll be a really fresh and exciting addition to European football. The novelty when we play someone we’ve never faced before, the thrill when we draw someone we’ve not played for a long time, the enjoyment of planning trips to cities you’re not familiar with, the romanticism of hoping to draw old royalty like Ajax. All gone, all variety, chance and serendipity gone, to be endlessly replaced by the same thin strip of fixtures on rails twice a year every year, with a big chunk of them also repeated domestically. Be like when we played Chelsea time after time for several years in the mid-2000s and both sides became too familiar with each other. You just end up getting sick of it, like an initially catchy song which quickly has you wanting to throw your radio into an erupting volcano when you hear it ten times a day every day everywhere you go.
  2. Dr Nowt

    The days before health and safety

    ‘Up here, if you make one mistake, it’s definitely ‘alf a day out wi’ the undertaker’. They really don’t make them like that anymore.
  3. Dr Nowt

    New Super League to Rival CL - 11 Clubs Sign Up

    Die-hard football fans of rivals clubs always have had and always will have more in common with each other than they do the gang of arseholes running and profiting from the game in their names, yet remain too busy dickwaving and trying to one-up each other to ever see they should band together with solidarity when they’re being fucked by the same type of people, rather than revelling in each other’s misfortune and scoring shit moral points like ‘well, they started it’ while they’re all getting bent over. It’s not dissimilar to how we keep ending up with Tory governments.
  4. Today is the day I’ve finally realised the hearts of human rights abusers, mobsters who’ve inhaled a country the size of a continent’s mineral rights while they charge people on the bones of their arse to take a piss and American venture capitalists aren’t entirely into collectivist ideals.
  5. Dr Nowt

    Little Things That Brighten Your Day

    Sat in the local gardens enjoying the late afternoon sun yesterday. Pissed group of middle-aged couples approach, the harmlessly if tediously intrusive type, thinking they’re far wackier than they are and loudly tearing the arse out of any joke. They started trying to involve us in how one of the husbands reckoned he could jump the river. I was enjoying the peace and quiet so idly said to him a couple of times this is the widest point and there’s a collapsed bank, you’d be best moving up a little way over there. Undeterred, he took a huge run-up but approached it at barely jogging pace. She said you could hear my evil cackle ringing out the second I saw him come back past us, there was no way he was making it at that pace. He landed on said collapsed bank flat-footed, given he’d more or less gone from a standing start having done a Fernandes penalty-style check at the last minute, and pogoed backwards into the river. Went down like a bag of shit flat on his back and it dropped off quite sharply right where he was into a deeper shelf filled with various stones and rocks. Did his best to put a brave face on it, coming up boisterously with both arms aloft cheering, but you could see he’d both properly twatted himself and was incredibly sheepish. The wife was all eye rolls and this isn’t the first time seethe. She then announced they had to get the train home and it would take them more than an hour. It’s not a short hop to the station from there. Seconds later, one of his mates who’d been silent throughout sprinted at the bank further up where I’d been pointing and threw himself over head first, making it with plenty to spare and face-planting on the other side. The wife of matey in the drink had been videoing him at his insistence so I asked if there’s any chance of sharing it with me, but she wasn’t game, otherwise I’d be posting it in here. They then moped off with him soaked to the skin and head down while the other one strutted like Foghorn Leghorn. One pound tins of gin and tonic, previously notable only for their metallic aftertaste, have never gone down so pleasantly.
  6. Grinch oxo-cube Jnr has such a lovely ring to it.
  7. Dr Nowt

    Little Things That Brighten Your Day

    This taxidermy rocket mouse someone I know has in her gaff.
  8. Dr Nowt

    Little Things That Brighten Your Day

    Spoke volumes, didn’t it.
  9. Dr Nowt

    Prince Philip...

    Not so dissimilar to Connor Roy buying Napoleon’s wang. Weird fucks.