Corporate bellendary at work.

[JagSquared]

Spent a bit of time with the bigwigs recently, people on millions per year and the thing I've noticed the most is that they all talk plain English. Jargon appears to be an aspirational middle management thing

Depends on the firm and industry but I the whole I agree it tends to be middle management.

[Champ]

What?

 

His job title is just another gobbledidook term. What does it mean to your young people/client group/service users? Is he not 'the manager'?

[Champ]

Depends on the firm and industry but I the whole I agree it tends to be middle management.

 

It comes from the top down where I am. Shrouding cuts in ever more inpenetratable nonsense

[lifetime fan]

My CEO is a former crackhead I've been mates with for 16 years.

 

Come out with any bollocks like that and it's a guaranteed way to not get a job.

Went for lunch with the CEO today.

 

A fry up in a greasy spoon and 2 pints of Guinness.

[manwiththestick]

Had a four and a half hour meeting today to discuss and prepare for a four hour metting tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

And the complementary sarnies were shite.

[PestiRed]

Interviewed a post-grad with an MBA in Brand Strategy yesterday. Possibly the most bullshit I've ever heard in a single half hour. I think the question I asked the most was "yes, but what does that actually mean in practical terms?"

[Oh Buoy]

Interviewed a post-grad with an MBA in Brand Strategy yesterday. Possibly the most bullshit I've ever heard in a single half hour. I think the question I asked the most was "yes, but what does that actually mean in practical terms?"

 

I never really got qualifications in areas such as this. 

 

Surely, working your way through 'brand strategy' (or marketing, I assume?) is better learnt in practice. 

For example, there's little chance you'll be able to experience a campaign or brand nose dive and test yourself on how you revive it (i.e, Spotify, Nandos etc). 

 

Bullshit degrees can be jibbed.

[Razoray]

I work in a pharma multi-national for the past 6 years and last week i interviewed for a management role that i have been covering for the past 4 months due to someone transferring to a different dept. Anyway, did a bit of prep for it, had all the buzz words and when i used them during the interview you could see the directors and HR hottie creaming every time i coached mentored prioritised empowered and strategised. These people have worked with me for 4+ years and were more impressed with my ability to speak bullshit than my credentials.

Will find out later this week if an external candidate enunciated superior verbal diarrhoea than I.

I got the job yesterday. The director told me that what i had over the other applicants was the passion that i showed. I was going to ask if it was during the 1 hour interview or the past 4 years but I really didn't want to hear the answer. And to be fair to him he is easily the best boss I've had in the 13 years in my industry.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I had an interview the other day for a similar role to what I do but in a legal firm.  I did lots of research for this *shudder* competency based interview and what the company was all about etc.

 

I had clear, structured answers for every possible question they had about my CV, job experience etc and being a Law firm i thought I would project as professional an image as I could.

 

How wrong I was.  The meeting room had about 6 different sweets in bowls on the tables, Nespresso machines and wacky artwork on the walls. The people interviewing me looked like gang of vagrants in colourful ties and key-wigs and I was completely unprepared for the questions they were asking me which had nothing to do with the role I'd actually be doing. The feedback I got back was horrendous that I didn't fit the "vibe" of the firm and I was too corporate for them.

 

I can only imagine who they hired. 

 

[Liverpool lad]

I had an interview the other day for a similar role to what I do but in a legal firm. I did lots of research for this *shudder* competency based interview and what the company was all about etc.

 

I had clear, structured answers for every possible question they had about my CV, job experience etc and being a Law firm i thought I would project as professional an image as I could.

 

How wrong I was. The meeting room had about 6 different sweets in bowls on the tables, Nespresso machines and wacky artwork on the walls. The people interviewing me looked like gang of vagrants in colourful ties and key-wigs and I was completely unprepared for the questions they were asking me which had nothing to do with the role I'd actually be doing. The feedback I got back was horrendous that I didn't fit the "vibe" of the firm and I was too corporate for them.

 

I can only imagine who they hired.

 

Best avoided mate. They sound like they are trying too hard

[General Dryness]

Yeah, dodged a bullet there Paulie. Imagine working in an office full of Colin Hunts. You'd go postal by Christmas.

[Ginny]

Went down to the London offices with work in 'the city' once. I was working in banking so the office culture down there was a different gravy.

 

There was a couple of old military boys who had got a job on the project team. We went into the meeting room and all sat down. Two of the alpha males stood through the meeting cos they wanted to be the last to sit down. They literally had a stand off. Was only and hour meeting but fuckin hell it was embarresing.

[Chip Butty]

I had an interview the other day for a similar role to what I do but in a legal firm.  I did lots of research for this *shudder* competency based interview and what the company was all about etc.

 

I had clear, structured answers for every possible question they had about my CV, job experience etc and being a Law firm i thought I would project as professional an image as I could.

 

How wrong I was.  The meeting room had about 6 different sweets in bowls on the tables, Nespresso machines and wacky artwork on the walls. The people interviewing me looked like gang of vagrants in colourful ties and key-wigs and I was completely unprepared for the questions they were asking me which had nothing to do with the role I'd actually be doing. The feedback I got back was horrendous that I didn't fit the "vibe" of the firm and I was too corporate for them.

 

I can only imagine who they hired. 

 

Rod,Jane,Freddy and Co - really are a picky bunch. 

[Hooch]

Depressing reading some of the posts on the last few pages.

 

I would truly rather scrape by in a job I enjoyed than have a decent wedge and have to be in a corporate environment ever again. *shudders*.

[lifetime fan]

Chatting to a mate over a beer a couple of nights ago and we're talking about how our respective new jobs are going.

 

He's home based 4 days a week and 1 day in office.

 

He can't claim overtime the 4 days he works from home unless he works 'remotely'.

 

I didn't have a fucking clue what he was going on about but it basically boils down to the fact if at 5 o'clock he leaves home and goes to a cafe, spends money on drinks and food and produces receipts for expenses he can claim overtime.

 

If he continues working from home he can't.

 

Where the fucking sense is in that I don't know.

 

He now goes to the posh bistro at the end of his road and has a couple of pints and gets them to do him a receipt for coffees and pastries.

[Fowlers God]

I had one day off yesterday came into 84 emails and had two calls yesterday on my mobile.

 

I'm thinking of quitting and finding work selling ice creams on Bournemouth beach.

I work shifts I finished at 0600 yesterday morning came in at 2100 and had 210 emails. Count your blessings

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

I'm finally doing a job I love, and the money is just OK. Perks are decent. Compressed hours so I'm only working Monday - Thursday, and I can work one of those days a week from home. Going for a promotion though, where I'd be doing the same exact job with an extra £5k a year. Have to fight it out with the rest of them though unfortunately.

[A Red]

This has just appeared on my facebook feed. Its the employee of the month award for a company I worked for many years ago with a nice picture of the MD giving him a certificate - 

 

This month's Spotlight award goes too .... Chris ------ - Senior Design and Development, Digital Marketing. Pictured below receiving his reward by Managing Director, ----- ----------. A huge congratulations Chris! Here is what his colleagues had to say;

 

“Chris is in before me and leaves after everyone else. He is so hardworking and he is in work most weekends. He’s really passionate about digital Marketing which is good because he has the brains for it too. Perfect Combo.”

 

“He doesn’t stop until the work is done, and he always has time to explain something”

 

“He is a website making machine.”

 

“I’d like to nominate Chris -------- for the spotlight award – because of his dedication. He always works many more hours than he should but for the last few weeks before his holiday, he worked tirelessly to ensure everything was ready whilst he took a few days off.”

 

Spot the fucking message!

 

[lifetime fan]

Chris is a fucking idiot.

[Anubis]

Ha. I won the Employee Of The Month Award for supplying an answer to a single question on our LAA contract application - a meal for two at 60 Hope Street,

 

So fuck you, Chris.

[Rico1304]

Was it tea or coffee?

[lifetime fan]

Was it tea or coffee?

Tea of course.

 

Are you some kind of coffee cunt?

[A Red]

I dont know this chris but seeing as he is in before everyone else and still there when they've gone, because he likes to get the job done, I would guess hes shit at it.

[General Dryness]

Chris is either single with as much chance of getting laid as I have of surfing on the surface of the sun, or he's married to a complete cunt.

 

Either way, the outlook is bleak for him.

[Anubis]

I bet if they put in hidden cameras they'd find Chris going through his colleagues' desk drawers, and sniffing the seats of female secretaries.