deiseach

Mount Rushscoredfour

Their Mount Rushmore needs work.

I rarely sit down with the intention of watching a football match, by which I mean that if it's on and I'm in the room, grand, nice way to kill some time, but would never say "Everton v Arsenal is on, better stop what I'm doing." Tell you what though, I'll make an exception tonight. The only thing that could be funnier than the first 27 minutes will be every one from the 28th minute onwards.

I remember thinking when Koeman was sacked that they'd come to regret it, that they'd never land a name as big again. And the size of a name absolutely matters. "Ronald Koeman is on the phone" v "Marco Silva is on the phone". Not only that, you look at your bench as a fan and seeing a football heavyweight there, well, it gives you nice warm feeling in your giblets and isn't that what following a team is meant to do? With all of that in mind, Everton manage to get not one but two other football heavyweights to rock up to Goodison, yet they're still dragging them down to the level of featherweights. Stench is right.

I'd add the electoral system to the toxic mix. With a system that didn't belong in an era of rotten borough democracy, the Tories could have retained many of the trappings of relatively sane right-wing parties like the CDU/CSU in Germany and told Ukip to do their worst. Let their lunatic fringe express said lunacy in the form of a vote for the Kippers, safe in the knowledge that it would transfer to the Tories in subsequent rounds because where else was it going to go? Thanks to first-past-the-post though the Tories were terrified of Ukip taking just enough votes off them in marginal constituencies to cost them dearly in general elections that they felt obliged to humour them with the Brexit referendum. This in turn emboldened those in abandoned Labour constituencies who, for the reasons you outline, both understandably and misguidedly took the opportunity to give the body politic a right royal kick in the balls by joining those who want to destroy any form of government-led solidarity in voting for Brexit. The worst part of it all is that there is no sating the lunatic fringe, so you now have the Tories terrified of Reform taking just enough votes off them in marginal constituencies to cost them dearly in general elections etc etc. The dragging of British politics ever rightwards seems never-ending, and speaking as a migrant myself I am waiting for the day when that movement towards the right washes over me.

Given your history with them - "not suitable for children and Evertonians" - this report was very matter-of-fact, which makes it the unkindest cut of all. You even had the luxury of mixing up Watford beating Man Utd 4-1 with them beating Everton 5-2 by scoring four in the last 12 minutes. It's understandable that you wouldn't keep track of the goings-on at these bottom-half clubs.

First player to score 33 goals in 34 away goals? Must have been, otherwise Melissa Prentice would be on to say Dixie, sorry, 'William Ralph' Dean did it before Mo. Did you know Dixie was her grandad?

Shooooot!

I've always wanted to live in a world where Liverpool twat everyone they come across, and yesterday I got a glimpse of it as Southampton were just hopelessly outmatched in every area of the field. There was a moment in the first half when the linesman let play carry on when a Southampton player was miles offside, and my primary thought was 'Alisson will save it anyway'. And he did. This was what I've always thought I wanted, a game where Liverpool can be as casual as fuck yet still breeze past the opposition. So is it what I really wanted? Yeah, it was. I don't give a shit about 'football', I just care about Liverpool, and being able to relax and just admire the men in red was a real pleasure. It was, for example, the first time I have had the headspace to look at Trent in a forensic manner and lordy, he really looked the generational player that he's meant to be. He made the Southampton players look like they'd won a raffle to play against him. After all the dross that we've watched over the years, how could you not be happy? It was a delight. And yet...a part of me was bothered by it all. I thought I may have been developing a conscience, an out-of-towner piggybacking on Liverpool's greatness alongside the two Londoners sitting next to me while a few thousand Southampton fans dragged their butts halfway along the island to see their local team walloped. And that might be a small part of it. Mostly though, I think I fear for a future where the financial dopers send out teams proportionately outmatching Liverpool teams shorn of Klopp's genius. I'm determined to enjoy days like yesterday, especially because I know it can't be sustained in a world where there will be a handful of teams boasting a Trent in every position.

@Chris should go every week, a plan in which I can see no flaws.

Chutzpah is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan (from The Joys of Yiddish).

You know the rules...