Women and metros

[A Red]

I reckon this is what you're looking for, top notch with a girly spa.

 

Hotels in Yorkshire | Spa Yorkshire | Helmsley Hotel | Hotel in York - Feversham Arms Hotel

[Champ]

Helmsley's lovely with loads of great pubs for eating and drinking round about.....and not far from the tea garden!

[Pureblood]

Tadcaster. Take her to the Samuel Smiths brewery. You get some ace ale after the tour. Then you can go to one of the local pubs, get her lashed and nail her.

 

You could also impress the lady by pointing out that there was a village called Tadcaster in the rather average Sega Megadrive RPG Sword of Vermillion.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Whitby is ace for a dirty weekend mate, and importantly it's chocca full of boozers and minge and stuff that you'd enjoy.

[magicrat]

I tell you where else was really nice, and only half an hour away, Goldsborough Hall just past Knaresborough.

 

We stayed in a room called Leshelles suite or something. I can't remember what we paid as it was a couple of years back, but it wasn't cheap. Certainly £350+

In terms of value I'd say Carpenters Arms is well teh best, but Goldsborough Hall is more "special".

Got ace grounds for lounging and eating breakfast and shit. Our room also had an ace jacuzzi bath in a bay window for sexing. Bitches love that.

 

Goldsborough Hall - Yorkshire's Finest Wedding Venue and Princess Mary's first family residence

 

Went to a weeding there. Great place and a there's decent pub just up the road.

[General Dryness]

Went to a weeding there. Great place and a there's decent pub just up the road.

 

Bit of a hike for some gardening.

 

Heres a few places you could take her Noos. If you're wanting to drop some hints, like.

 

https://maps.google.co.nz/maps?q=Shitterton,+Bere+Regis,+United+Kingdom&hl=en&ll=50.754296,-2.226384&spn=0.008688,0.022681&sll=51.844269,0.945479&sspn=0.004242,0.01134&oq=shitterton&t=h&hnear=Shitterton,+Bere+Regis,+Wareham+BH20+7HU,+United+Kingdom&z=16

https://maps.google.co.nz/maps?q=fingringhoe&hl=en&ll=51.844269,0.945479&spn=0.004242,0.01134&sll=-41.244772,172.617188&sspn=21.117783,46.450195&t=h&hnear=Fingringhoe,+Essex,+United+Kingdom&z=17

https://maps.google.co.nz/maps?q=Rimswell,+United+Kingdom&hl=en&sll=51.844269,0.945479&sspn=0.004242,0.01134&oq=rimswell&t=h&hnear=Rimswell,+East+Riding+of+Yorkshire,+United+Kingdom&z=13

[VladimirIlyich]

 

Not quite a Metro but a Mini at least.

[RedinSweden]

You could also impress the lady by pointing out that there was a village called Tadcaster in the rather average Sega Megadrive RPG Sword of Vermillion.

 

Yep, a knowledge of megadrive games never fails to get the laydeez frothing at the gash.

[Tom R]

Thanks ladies and gents. I knew Tom R would be all over this, the smooth bastard.

 

The Lake District is possibly a shade too far for a day or two, so I'm looking at The Dales or North Yorks Moors.

 

Tom - The Carpenters Arms looks a bit "new". The old bird likes old and Goldsborough Hall has to be the favourite so far, although the Lascelles Suite at £450 room only is pushing my budget. I could get a really classy hooker for that sort of money.

 

£450? Fuck me. It wasn't that much when we went.

I often just ring places and make them an offer you know.

 

Many of these places are owner managed, so you're talking to the right derp in most cases. if they're not there just ask for the gaffer.

I got us a mid-week stay up in a little 5 star B&B up in Northumberland a few months a go for £100 instead of £199.

Be sure to tell them you're happy to book in for dinner right now, for during your stay, if they can do you a deal on the room. Most will usually offer you something.

 

Nothing to lose. There aren't too many people taking dirty nights away at £200+ a night right now, particularly if you go mid-week.

[RedinSweden]

£450? Fuck me. It wasn't that much when we went.

I often just ring places and make them an offer you know.

 

Many of these places are owner managed, so you're talking to the right derp in most cases. if they're not there just ask for the gaffer.

I got us a mid-week stay up in a little 5 star B&B up in Northumberland a few months a go for £100 instead of £199.

Be sure to tell them you're happy to book in for dinner right now, for during your stay, if they can do you a deal on the room. Most will usually offer you something.

 

Nothing to lose. There aren't too many people taking dirty nights away at £200+ a night right now, particularly if you go mid-week.

 

I do the same. Unless the hotel is guaranteed to be fully booked they will always do a deal. That room occupancy for the night is something they can never sell again.

[Edward.]

Slaley hall is fabulous, it's only about 20 minutes away from us. We stayed in one of the lodges there for a week (the electricity board decided to dig up the road outside our bedroom my wife complained and they put us up there), beautiful accomodation, jacuzzi, sauna, golf buggy to get around etc.

[A Red]

A bit further up the road from slaley -

 

Northumberland Hotel, Doxford Hall Hotel and Spa, the best hotel for weddings, conferences, leisure breaks and dining in Northumberland.

 

Owned by a lovely bloke who converted his home and built a 4 star hotel then put the whole thing into trust so all the profits go to charity.

[Elmyn Noos]

I reckon this is what you're looking for, top notch with a girly spa.

 

Hotels in Yorkshire | Spa Yorkshire | Helmsley Hotel | Hotel in York - Feversham Arms Hotel

 

Spa! We might have a winner here. Bitches likes spa's don't they? And it means she's gets all the girl on girl touchy relaxing stuff sorted so I don't have to worry about foreplay, not that I would anyway.

 

I've decided wherever we go has to have a spa.

[RJ Fan club]

Spa! We might have a winner here. Bitches likes spa's don't they? And it means she's gets all the girl on girl touchy relaxing stuff sorted so I don't have to worry about foreplay, not that I would anyway.

 

I've decided wherever we go has to have a spa.

 

Fucking hell?

 

I've gonna neg Noos here. A Spa? fucking grow a pair you massive Jessie, you'll be wearing moisturiser next.

 

The GF has gone to Hell in a fucking handcart.

[Elmyn Noos]

Fucking hell?

 

I've gonna neg Noos here. A Spa? fucking grow a pair you massive Jessie, you'll be wearing moisturiser next.

 

The GF has gone to Hell in a fucking handcart.

 

Not for me, you nonce, for the bird. She goes and has slices of fruit put on her face while I go watch tv in the pub - all the time collecting pinkie points for my trouble. It's a win fucking win.

 

That Helmsley one suggested by A Red has just been included in Tatler's listing of top 5 spas in the UK, according to Yorkshire.com and they do a sleep stay and spa offer which means 1 phone call, hand over credit card details, and it's job done.

[RedinSweden]

Why do you have such a downer on foreplay? It's ace. Nothing like getting a chomp while eating a scotch egg.

[md1892]

Rudding Park outside Harrogate, best hotel in the UK, has a golf course & spa.

 

Went there in Feb, it was rather nice.

[Elmyn Noos]

Rudding Park outside Harrogate, best hotel in the UK, has a golf course & spa.

 

Went there in Feb, it was rather nice.

 

Was on the radar but going camping there next weekend.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Fucking hell?

 

I've gonna neg Noos here. A Spa? fucking grow a pair you massive Jessie, you'll be wearing moisturiser next.

 

The GF has gone to Hell in a fucking handcart.

 

Indeed it has RJ.

 

I've just looked up "Male Facial" on Google Images to find out what Noos has let himself in for....trust me mate, DON'T DO IT FFS !

[Joe Le Taxi]

Take her dogging

[Guest San Don]

I need your help.

 

A month or so from now, Mrs.Noos and I will have been married for precisely 10 years. As I'm sure you can appreciate, being married to me is pretty fucking ace and should be reward enough in itself, but experience tells me that women are odd, ungrateful cunts who expect us to make some sort of effort for occasions such as this.

 

I'm looking for suggestions for a short romantic break in the northern part of the UK. We can't leave the kids for long so I'm looking at a couple of days away in the sort of place that bitches like - somewhere with trees and woodlands and plenty of romantic shit going on, that won't take me more than a couple of hours to get to from Leeds. In other words, the sort of place that if I take her there, I'm nailed on to get a fuck out of it. I have a decent budget for this, so hit me with your best shots. There's rep in it IF I get a shag out of it.

 

Go to Hexham just outside Newcastle Upon Tyne (well, about 25 miles outside!)

 

There's some good places to stay nearby. You have lots of roman places nearby and can walk part of the wall if you're energetic. There's also Keilder Water close by plus a short drive or train ride gets you into Newcastle where, you can ride the Tyne and Wear Metro! Baddabum tishhhh.

 

I thenk yew.

[L19red]

Along similar lines

 

Rooms | The Plough Inn & Restaurant, Lupton

 

My folks were there earlier in the year and said it was really good. Its run by the people who have Luxury Lake District Hotel | Luxury Accomodation | Lake District Bed and Breakfast | Punch Bowl Inn Crosthwaite, also very good

 

I've stayed at the punch bowl several times. It's excellent.

[Champ]

I've stayed at the punch bowl several times. It's excellent.

 

Again, I've eaten there but not stayed there. And indeed it was very good.

 

Most of my knowledge of these areas comes from extended family trips when we stay in holiday cottages but I can see the day, not so far from now, when we will be able to stay in these places and not just press our noses up to the window

[AVEEZ]

Forget the Hotel Spa - go the cottage pool - Why not book a cottage somewhere secluded - get a tesco delivery of all the red you can drink and chill the fuck out..

 

something akin to this

 

Lilywhites Cottage (ref PWZ) in West Burton | cottages4you

 

Er in doors would like that!

[stringvest]

Looks like a prefab with a thatched roof that Aveez. Horrible.