Divorce - pros & cons?

[Mook]

I was replying to the thread in general. Personally I think marriage is a ridiculous concept and if it had never existed there wouldn't be any clamour to invent it these days, I escaped it by the skin of my teeth and I'm very glad of it. 

 

However, I shall make sure in future that I run any posts by you in future to see if they meet with your exacting standards. Or you can go fuck yourself, I'm happy either way. 

 

Fuck me, you should've seen what I was going to post.

 

Glad I didn't bother now.

 

*I was going to tell him to boot fuck out of the cunt

 

**I'm not very good at advice

[Baresi]

Struggling to cope here. This shit has hit me so hard. All hope I had of somehow getting back together, even after nearly 2 years apart, has now gone and it feels there's no way forward. Every single thought and image of her and him being together is going round in my head on a loop and I can't seem to switch it off. It fucking hurts and I fucking hate it! I can't believe she can do this to me and find it so easy to move on, knowing what she is doing to me. How can someone not care after so long together? We have two children together so there's not even an escape from me seeing her or having to be in contact with her.

I have family, friends and support around me but I feel completely alone, without hope, without a future. I just want to close my eyes and wake up when this is all over. I need to find some strength from somewhere, I just don't know where.

 

( sorry for the indulgence)

Sorry about your situation Jenson, but the bit in bold was always happening judging by your previous comments and she seems to have moved on long ago.  Although you're hurting now, you have to ensure that she never gets to the chance to put you through this shit again, because believe me when this 22 year kid realises that life is passing him by by being involved with someone with that amount of baggage (and I don't mean that disrespectfully re: your kids and stuff), your ex is going to get dropped!  Then, she'll be feeling exactly like you are now and also be looking for someone to make her feel better - you!  When this happens, you need to be in a better place at that time as it never works out.  You need to just focus on yourself and your kids and as others have said, keep busy/find a hobby etc...  

 

The good news in all of this is that you seem to have a good healthy relationship regarding the kids and I can't stress enough that however pissed you are now, it is imperative that you retain this.  A woman scorned and all that, and believe you me they can put you through the wringer if they wanted.  I have a brother-in-law who's life has been ripped apart by a his ex and he never sees his kids now because he left her.

 

My advice to you is to not show her that you're bothered when you inevitably see/speak and this will fuck with her something wicked.  Things will get easier and this place is great for advice on all sorts, and getting stuff of your chest is very cathartic.  So vent and rant away on here, but do not let her think you're bothered even though you are. 

 

Good luck, mate. 

[deiseach]

However, I shall make sure in future that I run any posts by you in future to see if they meet with your exacting standards. Or you can go fuck yourself, I'm happy either way. 

 

I hate these either/or choices.

[Chairman Meow]

*I was going to tell him to boot fuck out of the cunt

 

 

 

If I suggest anything like that Vlad always  seems to materialise out of nowhere and mention the murder investigations. I have to be very careful what I post. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

[Pureblood]

My advice to you is to not show her that you're bothered when you inevitably see/speak and this will fuck with her something wicked. 

 

This is great advice.  Maintain an aloof "whatever" attitude attitude in all communications with her.  Not rude, just clinical.

 

The whole forum is rooting for you, Jenson.

[Baresi]

This is great advice.  Maintain an aloof "whatever" attitude attitude in all communications with her.  Not rude, just clinical.

 

The whole forum is rooting for you, Jenson.

Not even aloof, go with a happy demeanour and she'll think you're seeing someone!  Total mindfuck would be to congratulate her on her relationship and wish her all the best!

[Rico1304]

If I suggest anything like that Vlad always  seems to materialise out of nowhere and mention the murder investigations. I have to be very careful what I post.

 

Investigations. Plural.

[Rico1304]

Don't waste your time on "what ifs" you'll send yourself mental. Get out the house, try not to dwell and don't worry that you'll keep seeing the number 22 everywhere.

[KMD7]

Cunt her in the bastard.

 

 

Or what noodles said.

[Jenson]

Thanks everybody, I appreciate everyone's advice and good wishes. Just trying to hang on in there.

[Harry Squatter]

Thinking constantly about her being with this new fella will burn your mind out. I know it's hard to just ignore it but thinking about them together will drive you barmy.

 

My mate found out his Mrs had been seeing some fella for six months before they divorced and he just kept talking about it and thinking over virtually every day while he was working and her seeing him. He was obsessed about it for ages and it nearly pushed him over the edge. Once my mate started seeing someone else and stopped drinking on his own he was better.

[Anubis]

The Mrs makes enough that she figures she would be fine and I would pay child support on top of what she makes, so she would be fine while I wind up homeless.

Yes, but if, before the divorce was finalised, she had some sort of household accident (I mean taking a bath and making toast in the same room - how stupid), then you'd inherit everything she has, keep what you have, and get the kids. The insurance probably pays off the mortgage as well...

[Captain Turdseye]

Yes, but if, before the divorce was finalised, she had some sort of household accident (I mean taking a bath and making toast in the same room - how stupid), then you'd inherit everything she has, keep what you have, and get the kids. The insurance probably pays off the mortgage as well...

Sounds like a job for Chevettehs. He's on a hat-trick.

[Champ]

Yes, but if, before the divorce was finalised, she had some sort of household accident (I mean taking a bath and making toast in the same room - how stupid), then you'd inherit everything she has, keep what you have, and get the kids. The insurance probably pays off the mortgage as well...

I think it's for the best

[Moo]

Thanks everybody, I appreciate everyone's advice and good wishes. Just trying to hang on in there.

That's exactly what you've got to do, and with 2 kids in your life they will keep you going.

I know it's a complete mind-fuck at the moment but I think anyone in your situation has to work through that in their own time. You can't force it to go away and you can't force it to go any quicker, what you can do is try and fill your waking moments with other stuff, so your kids, your mates, your family...and if you still have time on your hands find a hobby, read some fiction, watch films or box sets you've not got round to etc etc. To me, I think the most positive thing you've said, if you don't mind me saying, is that after 2 years of hoping it can be fixed you actually know it's all over now. In time, I think you will come to see that as a positive thing, it will allow you to move onwards and upwards.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Probably this will sound a bit harsh Jenson mate, but you need to try and get over her, that ship has sailed. If you start getting feelings for her just remember what she has done to you, making yourself suffer is not the answer. I have fuck all experience in these matters mind and I'm guessing it's harder to do than say. The sooner you can accept the circumstances though the sooner you can get on with your own life, which is way more important than ruining it over something which has gone. 

[Pureblood]

Fallback on some trusty clichés such as "time heals all wounds".  You will look back at this and wonder how it felt so bad when your life is better.

 

Your mind will eventually become fatigued if you dwell on it all of the time.  Then at some point you won't think about it, maybe for a few hours.  Then for half a day, when you're having a good, busy day.  Then for a whole day etc.  It will be an incremental process.   

[Nunavut Patrick]

I'm sat in the woods in Manitoba, have a campfire going, six Peroni's chilling in a cooler and jut ate some campfire homemade beans and made a bacon butty.

 

It's just me and soon the whole milky way will be out. I went for a five mile hike earlier, sat by the edge of some rapids and not a soul in sight . Been through the divorce it's been about two years now, had a couple of brief relationships and have come to realize that the simplicity of life can be a wonderful thing. I don't need to worry how she is feeling, I don't need to worry about the next mentalist episode, I don't need to worry about if we'll reconcile.

 

Today I needed to worry I had grain Mustard and Gouda for the bacon butty enough firewood and mozquito repellant.

 

Yeah it gets lonely and yeah I still get bitter at times but there are more better days than bad as time goes on.

 

Anyway the fire needs some more wood....

[s(k)aturation]

I'm sat in the woods in Manitoba, have a campfire going, six Peroni's chilling in a cooler and jut ate some campfire homemade beans and made a bacon butty.

 

It's just me and soon the whole milky way will be out. I went for a five mile hike earlier, sat by the edge of some rapids and not a soul in sight . Been through the divorce it's been about two years now, had a couple of brief relationships and have come to realize that the simplicity of life can be a wonderful thing. I don't need to worry how she is feeling, I don't need to worry about the next mentalist episode, I don't need to worry about if we'll reconcile.

 

Today I needed to worry I had grain Mustard and Gouda for the bacon butty enough firewood and mozquito repellant.

 

Yeah it gets lonely and yeah I still get bitter at times but there are more better days than bad as time goes on.

 

Anyway the fire needs some more wood....

 

 

Amen.  We can all move on from lime-infused confusion eventually, NP.

And I'm out of rep.

[Champ]

Thanks everybody, I appreciate everyone's advice and good wishes. Just trying to hang on in there.

 

 

That's exactly what you've got to do, and with 2 kids in your life they will keep you going.

I know it's a complete mind-fuck at the moment but I think anyone in your situation has to work through that in their own time. You can't force it to go away and you can't force it to go any quicker, what you can do is try and fill your waking moments with other stuff, so your kids, your mates, your family...and if you still have time on your hands find a hobby, read some fiction, watch films or box sets you've not got round to etc etc. To me, I think the most positive thing you've said, if you don't mind me saying, is that after 2 years of hoping it can be fixed you actually know it's all over now. In time, I think you will come to see that as a positive thing, it will allow you to move onwards and upwards.

 

Moo's right. It's a process, like other losses, to be got through.  You didnt want this to happen and understandably you are grieving for what you have lost and the life you thought you would have into the future.  Some days you may almost feel human, others will feel like shit but do what you have been doing, try to follow the good advice on here and it will get easier. It will. 

 

On a practical note, I'm not sure how contact takes place but if it is too hard seeing her for the moment, can you organise for family/friends to share the pick ups and drop offs with you?

[Champ]

Amen.  We can all move on from lime-infused confusion eventually, NP.

And I'm out of rep.

 

Rep covered, Mr S

[Alan Sex]

I'm sat in the woods in Manitoba, have a campfire going, six Peroni's chilling in a cooler and jut ate some campfire homemade beans and made a bacon butty.

It's just me and soon the whole milky way will be out. I went for a five mile hike earlier, sat by the edge of some rapids and not a soul in sight . Been through the divorce it's been about two years now, had a couple of brief relationships and have come to realize that the simplicity of life can be a wonderful thing. I don't need to worry how she is feeling, I don't need to worry about the next mentalist episode, I don't need to worry about if we'll reconcile.

Today I needed to worry I had grain Mustard and Gouda for the bacon butty enough firewood and mozquito repellant.

Yeah it gets lonely and yeah I still get bitter at times but there are more better days than bad as time goes on.

Anyway the fire needs some more wood....

No matter how lonely, sticking your wood in the fire is likely not the best way of warming it up.

 

Also, I have a question.

 

Are all women emotionless, heartless beasts? They are supposed to be the emotional ones - yet most of the ones I have known are capable of the most heartless acts and words no remorse.

[s(k)aturation]

No matter how lonely, sticking your wood in the fire is likely not the best way of warming it up.

 

Also, I have a question.

 

Are all women emotionless, heartless beasts? They are supposed to be the emotional ones - yet most of the ones I have known are capable of the most heartless acts and words no remorse.

 

 

No they are not all emotionless, heartless beasts.

Just as all men are not emotionless, heartless beasts.

 

It's merely convenient narratives and stereotypes that posture things that way.

 

What you are referring to is cuntery.  

Which sadly is a phenomenon that can manifest itself in anyone regardless of gender, persuasion or preference.

[Stouffer]

It's decree nisi day today; I've never been happier.