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Alan Sex

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Alan Sex last won the day on February 9 2017

Alan Sex had the most liked content!

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About Alan Sex

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Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Up Uranus.
  • Interests
    Your mum.


  • Location
    The Blumpkin King
  • Occupation

Recent Profile Visitors

36,796 profile views
  1. Alan Sex

    The Space Thread

    In a galaxy a long time ago.
  2. Alan Sex


    As my sperm dripped down my wife’s chin, I looked her in the eyes and asked “Do you like that?” “No,” she replied, “what the fuck is in this sandwich?”
  3. Alan Sex

    Rate the last film you watched...

    The Ballad of Buster Scruggs. I really enjoyed this. The Western setting, the dark and surreal tone. Solid 8 out of 10 scalps.
  4. Alan Sex

    January 2019 Transfer Thread

    Also, are we at negative net spend yet? I’m so excited!!!!
  5. Alan Sex

    January 2019 Transfer Thread

    Whit’s their height got tae dae wi it? 5 fit air 6 fit? Haven't read any Oor Wullie in a while!
  6. Alan Sex

    January 2019 Transfer Thread

    Trading up again? Nice! Edwards for President!
  7. Alan Sex

    The Ailment thread

    Fun New Years for me. Was getting some muscle tiredness/weakness in arms and legs. Checked into emergency about 845pm last night. They had had no idea until they ran more blood tests and discovered that my level of phosphates was so low it was undetectable. So I’m on an overnight stay hooked up to a drip as they fill me with phosphates. Phosphate levels? I didn’t even know that was a thing until tonight! Not sure the cause. I’m not an alky- didn’t even get a chance to have a sip for New Years! Can’t sleep as a) I’m in a hospital, and b) this bloody blood pressure monitor is going off every 15 mins. Oh well. Happy 2019!
  8. Alan Sex

    Random musical chat.

  9. Alan Sex

    Random musical chat.

  10. Alan Sex

    Random musical chat.

  11. Alan Sex


    Prepare your Anus!!! The battlecry was heard far across the battlefield, over the din of screams and cannon fire.
  12. Alan Sex

    'Shit' Christmas Songs

    A Merde in a Manger
  13. Alan Sex

    Do you like Christmas?

    Actually fucking Jools Holland, which would be somewhat impressive in its own way? ”Allo Jools, I’m round for me annual new year’s buggery. Off with them, then”. Or are are we talking a sad wank in front of Jools on the telly? Which I suppose is also somewhat impressive if you can keep it up as a tradition.
  14. Alan Sex


    Got the Mrs a “squatty potty” for the loo. Basically its it’s a foot stool to use when pooping to unkink your colon or some such business. I was was a little sceptical but gave it a go. Holy shit!!!! That log flew out of me at supersonic speed. This is is life changing.
  15. Alan Sex

    'Shit' Christmas Songs

    Won’t you come and see My Rumpy Bum Bum It’s the Turtle’s head for me My Rumpy Bum Bum It’s coming out my ring My Rumpy Bum Bum I bet it’s going to sting My Rumpy Bum Bum Rumpy Bum Bum Rumpy Bum Bum I’d better find a loo My Rumpy Bum Bum It’s time for epic poo My Rumpy Bum Bum Rumpy Bum Bum Rumpy Bum Bum Pants down baby My Rumpy Bum Bum I’m going to plug this loo My Rumpy Bum Bum I feel just like a King My Rumpy Bum Bum I’m AC Slatering My Rumpy Bum Bum Rumpy Bum Bum Rumpy Bum Bum I’ll take a pic for you My Rumpy Bum Bum Rumpy Bum Bum Rumpy Bum Bum Both my bollocks and My Rumpy Bum Bum I’ll wipe it next time My Rumpy Bum Bum Show yer mum