3 Stacks

He's signed for Trabzonspor.

Mane and Salah are both tremendous players and I'm not taking anything away from their natural abilities and their personal development but to me Klopp is the ultimate responsible for their emergence as world class players. They were good players when we signed them but what they have both become since they came here has been staggering. I'm not saying Klopp could turn Danny Welbeck into Sadio Mane, but I think if you give him a quick winger with goalscoring potential, and there are many of those around, you'd see similar improvement. To me, Firmino's skillset is more unique. I can think of Joao Felix or Griezmann who can do similar things to what he does, that's it. If he was sold, there's no real replacement. Our style would have to change entirely.

The question isn't "who's the best", it's "who's the most important". I'm not saying goals are easy to come by, but there are way more players in world football that could replicate what Salah and Mané do to a degree than players who can do what Firmino does in Klopp's system. Hence, by definition, it's easy to argue that Firmino is the most important even if he's objectively less productive than Salah and Mané.

Coutinho has a 120m buy option which no one will exercise because it's a ridiculous amount. In essence, it's a straight up loan which Klopp would never have gone for because it's not a coherent long term decision. Even if people want to do the "we're broke" argument, we still wouldn't have done it even if it had made financial sense.

James is basically a Championship-level Aaron Lennon. Just tries to knock it by people, has no left foot, mediocre technique, etc...

Firmino.

Weekly Recap Matchday 2: What I noticed this week Welcome to the weekly report for matchday 2! It was a very exciting weekend full of drama, violence, intensity, surprises and ass blastings (large victories). Let's do it! 1. Lyon 6 Angers 0 is the most important result in Ligue 1 in years. Here’s why this result is so important in a nutshell: Lyon do not usually beat mediocre sides, they are game-raisers but they have trouble in games they should win. Yet, what did they do Friday? Answer: absolutely pulverize a mediocre side. I said last week that this may be the most un-competitive season in the history of any league at any point in the history of football. A week later, I may already look like a cunt. Now, as most of you may know by now, I’m partial to a hot take. I thought my proclamation last week was the kind of take that gets people to perk their ears up and say: “wow, I never thought of this possibility, Stacks is a genius.” So to distract you from thinking about how wrong I was with my statement last week and that I’m a dumbass, I will hit you with this second hot take: Lyon will be contenders for the title this season (this is an old trick in the business I like to call take-stacking: if one of your takes are wrong, hit the people with a new, equally outrageous take so they forget about the previous take). Anyway, this is a tremendous sign that Sylvinho actually knows what he’s doing and that Lyon can actually compete for the title. Now after doing this 180, I’ll be back next week to once again call myself a dumbass when they lose to Montpellier. 2. Monaco are trying to get red cards and lose My aim when writing these articles isn’t simply to craft the best weekly Ligue 1 recap known to man, it also seeks to make the reader think critically about what is happening before their very eyes. I’m too lazy to check the stats and look this up (if you thought these articles would have stats in them, think again. I’m not a nerd) but this feels like the 10th straight game in which Monaco have one of their players sent off. It feels like every single game, one of their boneheaded players decides to literally torpedo himself into the knees of an opposing player in order to save himself the embarrassment of actually having to be part of this disgrace of a football team. It’s been really weird to witness. Ruben Aguilar continued the trend this week, obtaining a red card which helped Metz dispatch Monaco 3-0. Now, you may be asking; “Stacks what is the conspiracy?” Here’s my theory; Monaco players are deliberately committing red card offenses and increasing the chances that their team loses games as a protest against team President Dmitry Rybolovlev for his violation of the sanctity of divorce proceedings. Per Wikipedia, in April 2016, it was alleged that Rybolovlev used a company registered in the Virgin Islands to hide art which was owed to his former wife Elena as a condition of their divorce. Why are the players only doing this now when this happened in 2016, you may ask? Furthermore, why are the players so passionate about divorce and the rules that govern them? I don’t know, I’m still working on the case. The scumbag. 3. Marseille are fucked You know what’s great about this Marseille team? Definitely not their play, no. What’s great about them is that unlike with a team like Monaco, I don’t have to dig for far-fetched reasons why they stink. I know exactly why; it’s because most of their players are bad at football. After looking absolutely awful in an 0-2 loss to Reims last week, they went to Nantes this week and proceeded to get outplayed by a crap side whose coach resigned two weeks ago. They were out-possessed by a long ball team 55% to 45% and were out-shot (shots on target) 6-2. They had a front 3 of Dimitri Payet - who looks like he spent the whole summer feasting on cans of lard – Dario Benedetto – who has no ligaments in one of his knees, and Bouna Sarr – who is a right back. It was a sorry sight. They had to hold on to scrape a 0-0 draw. Like Kanye West once said in his hit song Jesus Walks; “I’m just trynna say the way schools need teachers, the way Kathy Lee needed Regis that’s the way Marseille need Thauvin”. The fat boy. 4. Bordeaux must thank England You may have realized by now that Ligue 1 is littered with clubs who are fuck-ups. Clubs who have decent budgets and storied pasts, yet lately all they have done is embarrass their supporters more with each passing week. I’ve spoken of Monaco and Marseille, but Bordeaux is another club that absolutely deserves to be made fun of. This is a club who, before hiring Paulo Sousa, were managed by a guy who wasn’t certified to manage in France. And then, since getting rid of that guy (and the guy who actually had to stand on the touchline and act like the manager because the actual manager couldn’t be the manager), Sousa has managed to look like even less of a manager than the guy they had who couldn’t actually manage them, winning only 2 matches in 13. This weekend, it seemed like they would suffer another loss until ex-Arsenal defender Laurent Koscielny offered solidity and leadership at the back and Josh Maja of Sunderland Till’ I Die fame salvaged a 1-1 draw against Montpellier with a second half goal. In sum, the club should send the whole of England a thank-you card and possibly a gift for preventing another embarrassment. In the suit: the actual manager. Standing up: the guy who they had to pretend was manager. 5. Rennes vs. PSG : A game so massive I have 3 things to say about it, not just 1. -PSG are a mess and even though this doesn’t really matter, fingers crossed that it actually ends up mattering. It’s always great when PSG lose in Ligue 1. The problem is that these losses often aren’t consequential given the enormous gulf of class between themselves and other French clubs. Here’s the thing this time, though; Lyon look serious. I said earlier these articles would have no stats, well I lied, here’s a fucking very relevant stat. Since Qatar bought PSG, they’ve lost only 2 other times in the month of August; in 2012, when Montpellier won the title, and 2016, when Monaco won the title. What a fucking stat. Could the same thing happen this season and PSG lose the title? Let’s hope so. -Julien Stephan may actually be a good coach I say “actually” because France doesn’t seem to produce many good coaches. Deschamps is objectively good because he won a World Cup, but from my armchair I’m comfortable in saying I think he’s crap because his style of play is shit and he has a weird face. Otherwise, Patrick Viera has a chance to be good at some point but it gets really scarce after him. A bit like with English managers, in France there’s a revolving door of guys who are shit but get jobs. I won’t name the names because you probably don’t care, but just know they exist. Stephan, though, may break the mould. In his first season, he took Rennes to the round of 16 of the Europa League which is a great achievement and he won the club their first trophy since 1971. And now this season, he’s shown very early on that he’s tactically astute. After the sale of many important players, he’s changed to a very solid 5 at the back system that has contributed to 2 wins in 2 thus far against difficult opposition. -I can officially label Eduardo Camavinga a young stud This is why you read my shit; to learn about these young studs. And now let me your teacher. What can I say about this kid, man? I saw him against PSG in the Trophee des Champions and thought; man, this kid’s a contender, but it’s too early to tell. And then boom, he bosses PSG again in the league, but in an even more emphatic way. This kid’s feet make me salivate. Look at the calmness on the ball, the quality of his passing. He’s only 16. What a prospect. This is what it’s all about; getting excited about watching young men play. Call me the cougar, baby. I’m all over these young studs. 3 Stacks’ Young Stud of the Week Award You already know, it’s Camavinga. Man of the match against PSG at 16 years of age. In all seriousness, it’s so impressive. He looked like he’d been playing at the top level for 10 years. His touches were pretty much all perfect, away from pressure. He was bursting through midfield, drawing fouls, spraying some sweet diagonals when appropriate. He assisted a goal. Am I calling him? You’re damn right I am. When he emerges as a world class player, you know who’ll have told you about him first. That’s right, it’s 3 Stacks, Aka Arrigo Stacksy, baby. See y'all next week!

Results: Matchday 2

"This guy". Haha. Yeah, no agenda here.

He probably thought Mignolet used to get too much grief, so he's trying to prove that point by hammering the "Adrian is terrible" angle because people were happy with the change. TK has to work on not being so transparent. He's not even been at the club for 2 weeks and he probably wasn't fully fit today. It's too early to draw conclusions.

The problem is in our buildup, not the defending. It's as basic as us getting pressed, giving the ball away and the opposition hitting a through ball into the space in behind Trent and Robertson. We need to be better on the ball in our own third. Much, much better.

Spurs didn't deserve a result in a million years.

Haha, Spurs with the absolute robbery here if they can hang on.

Attempts are 18 to 1, ffs.

mOsT cOmPeTiTiVe LeAgUe In ThE wOrLd