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Captain Turdseye

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Everything posted by Captain Turdseye

  1. I went the match on Sunday and a funeral yesterday. I’m not built for two days on the run anymore. I’ve felt progressively worse all day. Can’t keep anything down. Rough as fuck. It’s made worse because I’m away from home. I just want to curl up on my own couch in front of my own TV and feel sorry for myself in peace.
  2. I ended up with the Fire Cube, it was on offer from the catalogue. One of those ‘spend £100, get £50 off’ things. Rude not to. But as long as you don’t buy the very cheapest stick they’re absolutely fine.
  3. Trump is Trump. MAGA baby. I’ve got to all this Klopp stuff to catch up on. I struck lucky and got a ticket for yesterday. There’s some boss people on this website.
  4. Kovalev is about to fight now. He’s fighting someone undefeated in front of no fans. Saudi spreading the wealth EVERYWHERE.
  5. I got told off at the petrol station the other week. The ‘no phones on the forecourt’ rule which is seemingly common knowledge, has always passed me by. It was an important call I was making. The jobsworth attendants slammed shut the flow of my diesel twice. They told me on the tannoy first time around but I couldn’t hear, because I was on the fucking phone! Second time they came running out. I had to apologise for being pissy when I went in to pay but there was no need for us to even interact whatsoever. Fucking stupid rule.
  6. You see it time and time again, people waking up one day and deciding to start shagging kids.
  7. Saw that Weinstein almost got out the other week. Good effort from the big fella. He’s showing real character.
  8. That just shows what a good doctor he must have actually been, provided you weren’t an OAP. He was probably one of those that’d write people prescriptions for anything they asked him for. A proper old school northern GP. They don’t make ‘em like that anymore. Bless him.
  9. Fury’s much improved himself from then, to be fair.
  10. Why are you on the defensive? Stop back pedalling, you massive wool. Next you’ll be telling us that you haven’t got emu legs, even though we’ve all seen the pictures.
  11. Lad, your local chippy was in Cronton. That’s Widnes in anyone’s book, mert.
  12. And there was me embarrassed of being born in Warrington hospital. Stig’s literally hundreds of miles more of a wool than me. The most professional scouser on TLW was born in Weston-Super-Where and raised in North Widnes. RAWK would be ashamed to have him.
  13. All that stuff is even funnier when it’s coming directly from the White House.
  14. Over on GOT they’re already talking like they’ll be restricted to loans and out of contract players, with the odd link to older players in the £3m-£5m range. Meanwhile…
  15. Maybe they’ve got transfer deals in place that are gonna happen before June 30th and they’re “working with the FA” some more on that basis. Sounds like they’re gonna need a positive net spend this time so the squad will be weaker and hopefully off the pitch their woes continue and they’re still struggling to stay afloat a month or two into next season.
  16. And that’s why Harry’s Lad was forced to give up his career as a children’s entertainer.
  17. It’s fun for kids and it means they get to stay up until midnight. Not sure my youngest will want to bother next year so that might have been my last one until the grandkids.
  18. That was my first question. What’s in the bag?
  19. Took him an hour and twenty minutes he said. Lazy bastard.
  20. c4391153-0a3a-40a1-9634-ae22ac95a0e0.mov
  21. Strong Johnny Knoxville, Welcome to Jackass vibes. 8d339493-7d1a-4cce-a19a-65b98cc3254b.mov
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