Depression

[A Red]

7 hours ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

So depression by default means you're at the end of your tether?

I guess you're at least some way along it. I wasn't digging at you for posting it just by the way, just expressing my thoughts for those things.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Thanks for all the comments about my dad. Went to the funeral directors and it is going to be around three weeks till the funeral. A long time and I will have to deal with it, I feel better today probably as I’m keeping busy. I cannot thank the people on here enough, early days but speaking on here has already helped. 

[Creator Supreme]

1 minute ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Thanks for all the comments about my dad. Went to the funeral directors and it is going to be around three weeks till the funeral. A long time and I will have to deal with it, I feel better today probably as I’m keeping busy. I cannot thank the people on here enough, early days but speaking on here has already helped. 

I went through the same thing for my mums funeral plans yesterday mate, thankfully my sister was with me. We're looking at the same sort of time frame.

 

I'm going back to work on Monday as doing nothing all day is driving me mad. Keeping busy is the best thing in my opinion, whether that's work, exercise, or going for a couple of pints.

 

Keep going mate, and take care.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

12 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

I went through the same thing for my mums funeral plans yesterday mate, thankfully my sister was with me. We're looking at the same sort of time frame.

 

I'm going back to work on Monday as doing nothing all day is driving me mad. Keeping busy is the best thing in my opinion, whether that's work, exercise, or going for a couple of pints.

 

Keep going mate, and take care.

Sorry about your mum mate. I work less and less now and this time of year is not the best for building work. My dad never liked people coming in the house doing jobs so I-will have a lot of stuff to do in my mums, starting with a new kitchen I will put in before the funeral, thanks for your kind words mate, you take care too x

[Bob]

I’m not depressed, at least I don’t think I am, and if I am it’s fairly mild, but god it feels like I’m being tested.

 

Just taken the remaining rabbit to be put to sleep after taking her into the emergency out of hours vet this morning with her hind legs having given up on her.

 

the adrenaline she got from being in a scary bright place filled with sexy vet ladies made us decide she deserved a bit of a chance at home but it felt unlikely it would last and so about 5 hours later I took her back in to do the right thing for her.

 

so since June, that’s now our two rabbits, my 18 year old best mate of a cat, my girlfriends dad all dying and my girlfriend leaving.

 

I do genuinely think that I’m ok, but I have a sneaky feeling that when my terminally I’ll ex wife dies at some point in the next however many weeks, months or years, I may well fall apart a bit.

 

I’m not feeling sad right now. I feel a bit of relief that the girl has gone today which I feel a bit guilty about, but it will hit tomorrow when I pick my daughter up from after school club as it was her bunny, and she’ll be upset.

 

well, at least we got this pair of pricks to make sure the house isn’t empty.

[YorkshireRed]

39 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I do genuinely think that I’m ok, but I have a sneaky feeling that when my terminally I’ll ex wife dies at some point in the next however many weeks, months or years, I may well fall apart a bit.

I really have no idea about this, maybe other posters do, but I wonder if there are specific services that could offer help for someone in your position. Namely helping you to create the foundations to deal with what is going to happen as a result of your ex’s awful diagnosis. 
 

Obviously she’s your ex, and that has brought its own challenges, but you were married, she’s still in your life, and she’s the mother of your daughter. Perhaps this cocktail will also add to your own difficulties in processing it. 
 

I know there’s grief counselling available but I’m more talking about what help you can get now, if you think you need it.

 

Like I say I know nothing about what you’re going through. Just musing and letting you know we’re trying to listen at least.

 

Take care. 

[Moo]

Anticipated grief is a very real thing and it's just awful. You know what's coming, you know nothing can be done about it, you go to sleep thinking about it and you wake up thinking about it. It's a head wrecker for sure.

I know a lot of people, probably most, go through it to some extent not least with elderly relatives but there just feels an added dimension when it's someone that we're conditioned to think it shouldn't happen to, someone young, seemingly healthy.  You spend your days in disbelief and dread. But you have to try to keep your chin up, be determined to support those who need it most but also allow yourself the time to just, stop, rest. And go again.

[Bob]

13 minutes ago, Moo said:

Anticipated grief is a very real thing and it's just awful. You know what's coming, you know nothing can be done about it, you go to sleep thinking about it and you wake up thinking about it. It's a head wrecker for sure.

I know a lot of people, probably most, go through it to some extent not least with elderly relatives but there just feels an added dimension when it's someone that we're conditioned to think it shouldn't happen to, someone young, seemingly healthy.  You spend your days in disbelief and dread. But you have to try to keep your chin up, be determined to support those who need it most but also allow yourself the time to just, stop, rest. And go again.

I went through all that when she first got diagnosed. I sat staring at my laptop for 8 hours a day for about a week, not doing anything, not talking to anyone unless they initiated it, not sure if I was even thinking or not.

 

I like to think that’s me tone with my grieving, but from what a number of people have said, I’ll still live through actual grief again when it comes. I hope not.

[Moo]

15 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I went through all that when she first got diagnosed. I sat staring at my laptop for 8 hours a day for about a week, not doing anything, not talking to anyone unless they initiated it, not sure if I was even thinking or not.

 

I like to think that’s me tone with my grieving, but from what a number of people have said, I’ll still live through actual grief again when it comes. I hope not.

 

I dunno, everyone and every situation is different isn't it? 18 months I was like that for, managed to work but that was it, at the end of the work day I'd be exhausted having spent the previous 8-9 hours focusing and channeling my thoughts into work but it was a battle every minute. Then it happens, in my case I continued to be in shock but then something else comes along in life, as it tends to, and knocks you off your feet again. So I'm still on the canvas frankly.

But life is a strange thing, you can't guess what might come next. It might be nothing at all, or maybe something will come along and sweep you off your feet instead. 

If you can, try to enjoy the good in between all the crap is my current motto. Life really is too short.

[littletedwest]

28 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I went through all that when she first got diagnosed. I sat staring at my laptop for 8 hours a day for about a week, not doing anything, not talking to anyone unless they initiated it, not sure if I was even thinking or not.

 

I like to think that’s me tone with my grieving, but from what a number of people have said, I’ll still live through actual grief again when it comes. I hope not.

It tough to say for definite but this is the mother of your daughter and someone who has been a massive part of your life. So you probably will grieve. Sometimes when someone is dying events sweep you along. Once they have gone it hits again. 

[Captain Willard]

19 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I went through all that when she first got diagnosed. I sat staring at my laptop for 8 hours a day for about a week, not doing anything, not talking to anyone unless they initiated it, not sure if I was even thinking or not.

 

I like to think that’s me tone with my grieving, but from what a number of people have said, I’ll still live through actual grief again when it comes. I hope not.

I didn't really grieve for my ex. Relations had got so bad that i think I had ceased to see her as an actual person, just a constant problem, a bad feeling every time she spoke to me. However despite her being diaganosed with terminal cancer, she tried all sorts of quack remedies and told everyone around her including our kids that she was going to survive. My worst memory was our 17 year old teenage daughter excitedly telling me in the summer that she was really looking forward to her mum getting better as they were planning a whale watching holiday the following spring. She died that September. Even now, years later, the memory of that conversation and the hope in her eyes still chokes me up. 

[Bob]

On 08/01/2023 at 16:17, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I’m not depressed, at least I don’t think I am, and if I am it’s fairly mild, but god it feels like I’m being tested.

 

Just taken the remaining rabbit to be put to sleep after taking her into the emergency out of hours vet this morning with her hind legs having given up on her.

 

the adrenaline she got from being in a scary bright place filled with sexy vet ladies made us decide she deserved a bit of a chance at home but it felt unlikely it would last and so about 5 hours later I took her back in to do the right thing for her.

 

so since June, that’s now our two rabbits, my 18 year old best mate of a cat, my girlfriends dad all dying and my girlfriend leaving.

 

I do genuinely think that I’m ok, but I have a sneaky feeling that when my terminally I’ll ex wife dies at some point in the next however many weeks, months or years, I may well fall apart a bit.

 

I’m not feeling sad right now. I feel a bit of relief that the girl has gone today which I feel a bit guilty about, but it will hit tomorrow when I pick my daughter up from after school club as it was her bunny, and she’ll be upset.

 

well, at least we got this pair of pricks to make sure the house isn’t empty.

bumping this an hour after I jumped another post saying how happy I am that things are going well with the friend I’ve started seeing, because, we’ll, to be honest I’m a bit all over the place.

 

my ex (the woman that recently left me, not my ex wife) has been messaging a bit in the past week as I’m needing to remortgage to get her off the house, and in the exchange today she told me she’s seeing someone, that it’s going well and that she’s happy.

 

I told her I was pleased for her and that so am I. She in turn was pleased for me.

 

I had assumed she was probably seeing a particular bloke after we split, the carer / palliative care nurse that nursed her dad in his final days and who she had spent a lot of time with at the time. I felt a bit daft thinking it, but I did, and when she said she was seeing someone I again expected it would be him, and there’s no reason at all that I shouldn’t just shrug about it as I’d made peace with us being over already.

 

only she’s now changed her WhatsApp pic to be a photo of them together and now I don’t feel ok. I feel shit suddenly. I feel really shit again for the first time in about 6 weeks or so and it’s annoying me that I do.

 

 

 

[Poor Scouser T]

I'd be more concerned about the white socks and black slippers combo mate TBH.

Just joking don't stress about things out of your control. Easier said than done like but start there

[Bjornebye]

Easier said than done mate but just fucking ignore her Bob. I guarantee she's done that to piss you off. Snakes with tits. 

 

Does she know you're feeling better about things? Seen you happy? They don't like it. 

[Section_31]

That's pretty understandable that Bob, don't beat yourself up about feeling that way. You've taken a lot of blows in quick succession.

 

Social media is shit when we're feeling low because it's virtually all fake, or at the very least polished/exaggerated. 

 

Things will improve, it'll just take a bit of time.

[Bob]

I really don’t think that’s the case Stig, she’d have had not reason to know what I’m doing or otherwise when she told me. I think she just wanted to “be honest” about it.

 

Emotions are a twat, is what it comes down to.

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I really don’t think that’s the case Stig, she’d have had not reason to know what I’m doing or otherwise when she told me. I think she just wanted to “be honest” about it.

 

Emotions are a twat, is what it comes down to.

 

They are mate you're spot on, breaking up with someone you genuinely love/care about is fucking horrible. Uncontrollable emotions and nothing anyone says can change it. Just stay busy. 

[Bob]

5 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

 

They are mate you're spot on, breaking up with someone you genuinely love/care about is fucking horrible. Uncontrollable emotions and nothing anyone says can change it. Just stay busy. 

I’m watching a fucking terrible game of snooker. Does that count?

[Section_31]

12 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I really don’t think that’s the case Stig, she’d have had not reason to know what I’m doing or otherwise when she told me. I think she just wanted to “be honest” about it.

 

Emotions are a twat, is what it comes down to.

Have you ever tried counselling mate? 

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I’m watching a fucking terrible game of snooker. Does that count?

 

Perfect. Put The Apprentice after on then Love Island. Go for it. 

[Bob]

3 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Have you ever tried counselling mate? 

I contacted a few near me before xmas after the split but the one was definitely not for me, one doesn’t offer a familiarisation call just straight in and that out me off, and the other one never happened for some reason. I need to get back on it.

 

edit: I did feel like talking to friends was acting as my counselling but now I’m sleeping with one of those friends I’m not sure if it still counts.

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I contacted a few near me before xmas after the split but the one was definitely not for me, one doesn’t offer a familiarisation call just straight in and that out me off, and the other one never happened for some reason. I need to get back on it.

 

edit: I did feel like talking to friends was acting as my counselling but now I’m sleeping with one of those friends I’m not sure if it still counts.

 

I can think of better pillow talk to be fair. (That's not an offer Bob) 

[Section_31]

3 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I contacted a few near me before xmas after the split but the one was definitely not for me, one doesn’t offer a familiarisation call just straight in and that out me off, and the other one never happened for some reason. I need to get back on it.

 

edit: I did feel like talking to friends was acting as my counselling but now I’m sleeping with one of those friends I’m not sure if it still counts.

 

I'd definitely recommend it, there's something about putting your emotions into words that sort of helps you process them better.

[Bob]

1 minute ago, Section_31 said:

 

I'd definitely recommend it, there's something about putting your emotions into words that sort of helps you process them better.

I had a 10 sessions with a coach about 18 months ago, partly dealing with work stuff partly dealing with life stuff. And that was helpful but ran its course I think.

 

You’re right though. I’ll get back looking at it.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

The concept of keeping in touch with an ex or seeing absolutely anything they do after the split is a strange one to me.

 

Had a few exes and I can genuinely say I've never, ever spoke to them after,  checked on them, seen a single picture . In fact I'm not even comfortable saying their name. 

 

 

I would definitely block her Bob, problem solved , although I don't believe she did that to antagonise you.