Emre Can

[Shitty Arse]

I hope a seagull does a massive squirty shite all over his immaculately couiferred hairdo just as he’s stepping out of his car in front of a gang of boss judys. As it goes into his eyes he staggers headfirst into a vat of toxic acid waste.

Emre hauls himself out by his finger tips. Skin hanging off him in flaps. Who’s waiting? Purple Aki with a double ended dildo who bums him to death. His screams resonating in a Turin shithouse.....

[Remmie]

I hope when he withdraws cash from an ATM he only has the option of £20 denominations, when he only really needed a fiver in the first place.

[VladimirIlyich]

I hope half his biscuit falls into his tea when he dunks it in the cup. That'll teach him.

[Guest]

I hope half his biscuit falls into his tea when he dunks it in the cup. That'll teach him.

I hope the other half lands on the floor to complete his biscuitery.

[Dr Nowt]

I hope half his biscuit falls into his tea when he dunks it in the cup. That'll teach him.

This happened to me just last night and I feel we need to draw a line somewhere. We’re not animals. We’re better than this.

[SilverSong]

Rumour is that during his extensive layoff he has been taking recuperative dance lessons. Can can can can.

[Duff Man]

I hope the next time he sits down, he's got his keys in his back pocket.

[Curly]

Can can can can.

In the summer?

[cloggypop]

I hope he only has a crust left and a scraping of margarine next time he really wants some late night toast.

[SasaS]

Can Can can can can?  He should, not good for his back.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

I hope he gets an itchy bumhole in the night.

[Dr Nowt]

* Imagines Nicholas Cage screaming “Not the arse wasps...” *

[El Rojo]

Hope his foot catches in a crack in the pavement and he stumbles forward slightly but keeps walking as though nothing happened and thinks he’s in the all clear but somebody passing smirks and elbows their friend.

[Bobby Hundreds]

I hope angryoftuebrook turns against him.

[Funkasy]

Hope he scores the CL winning goal.

[Aventus]

I hope he runs out of Ribena and has to go to bed with just a glass of water.

This happened to me last night, wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[3 Stacks]

The Juve Director has just said he is confident they will sign Can after the Champions League final. He gone. 

[Lee909]

He should be

I fully believe it was all but signed last summer

[Jay86]

He should be

I fully believe it was all but signed last summer

I agree. He came back from the Confederation Cup with his contract here almost signed and many people saying he had actually signed then Juve were linked and tried to buy him on the cheap and he hasn’t looked close to signing a new deal here since.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I hope angryoftuebrook turns against him.

You don't want to know what happens to players I turn against.

 

Nobody's seen Aly Cissokho for a while, have they?

[ZonkoVille77]

Hope he gets a slap in a kfc

[El Rojo]

Hope he asks for water at a restaurant, assuming it will be tap water, but the waiter brings down and opens a £4 bottle of Evian before he can say anything, leaving him with the dilemma of whether to say something or not.

[cloggypop]

I hope it's impossible to buy chocolate Hobnobs in Italy after he has acquired a taste for them.

[Strontium]

Rumour is that during his extensive layoff he has been taking recuperative dance lessons. Can can can can.

After teaching Emre, the instructor asked him if his brother was proficient in the art of the dance too.

 

He said: Can can can can, can Can can can?

[Jay86]

Hope he asks for water at a restaurant, assuming it will be tap water, but the waiter brings down and opens a £4 bottle of Evian before he can say anything, leaving him with the dilemma of whether to say something or not.

That’s a good one!