gkmacca

Yep. Then there are the small branches that are still open, where you have to queue for ages while some idiot uses the sole cashier as an all-purpose financial adviser, asking question after question, while they gaze at their smart phone. Look, matey, you've got a smart phone, you're know how to surf the internet, so find out all this stuff online!

There's a bloke near me who 'rides' a horizontal bike. He's flat on his back, but always glancing around with a smug look on his face as if he thinks everyone is really impressed. It makes no sense - his control is minimal, he has to travel at a snail's pace, and when it rains of course he gets completely soaked, which is always amusing to see. An absolute whopper.

It's free online as well this weekend.

Much better.

Chips. It's getting more and more hazardous ordering a bowl of chips in a pub. Sometimes they'll bring enough for about three people, sometimes you can actually count them there are so few. Sometimes they'll be 'proper' chips, sometimes they'll be skinny fries, and once we even got ones that were either made of sweet potato or were painted orange. You can't trust 'em these days! Same with sandwiches. If I want, say, a ham sandwich stuffed full of soggy lettuce, cucumber and tomato, I'll ask for it, but if I just ask for a ham sandwich, I don't want half a damn garden with it!!

Eh??

Cyclists. They're just mental. Complain about bad motorists or pedestrians, and you'll get plenty of motorists and pedestrians agree with you. But complain about bad cyclists and the entire cycling world will go berserk and insist it's some kind of slur. They ride on the pavement and try to slalom around you, they ride through red lights but go nuts if they see cars or pedestrians fail to respect the rules, they seem to think sticking out an arm without looking over their shoulder is sufficient effort before turning, and they do what the hell they like while insisting that everyone else stays meek and law-abiding. I don't know if bikes attract psychotic blokes, or somehow turn normal blokes into raging mad men, but there are some serious arseholes out there. The worst are the ones who wear all the Tour de France yellow jerseys and lycra. Wankers.

Trolley paralysis really bugs me. You see perfectly fit and able people stroll into the supermarket, and then, as soon as they touch a trolley, they sort of slump over it, like they've suddenly lost all the energy in their legs, and they move really slowly, blocking people's way, hanging on to their trolley-turned-mobility aide. Bastards.

Little Harry seems to have tried to block anything LFC have proposed. He was against the application to host musical acts at Anfield as well. He's a magnificent flouncer for one so young.

Another thing that's grown worse: replays. It started out quite sensibly that, if anything really significant happened, TV would show a replay of it the next time there was a break in play. Now there are so many cameras that it seems that directors are determined to get their money's worth out of them, so even the most banal thing will get multiple replays from multiple angles, and - this is what really drives me crazy - it will get them immediately, regardless of what's actually happening on the pitch. And seeing as the likes of Alisson can make a save, throw the ball half the length of the pitch to Salah or Mane, who will sprint straight at goal, you can miss an entire counter attack in the time it takes for one replay, let alone the three or four they foist on you. There was a game we played a few weeks ago - that happened. Becker made a save, we went to the replays, and when they finally cut back to the action, Trent had just taken a corner. I think that's a major reason (along with the inane chatter the likes of Tyler churn out) why watching on TV is so much more stressful than being in the stadium - you miss about a quarter of the action!

The problem is that most players are thick but observant, so when one of them sees another one do something like that, they all do it, even though they probably can't explain what advantage they think they're getting by doing it. It's like the ridiculous pointing at the heavens whenever they come on to the pitch and/or score a goal. Most of them aren't religious, and haven't recently lost a loved one, but they've seen others pointing so they start pointing. Ludicrous!

It wouldn't be so bad if the corner kick subsequently cleared the first man, but it seldom does. If corner kick takers devoted as much care to their technique as they do to the 'Ooh, look at me being sneaky' placement of the ball, maybe they'd actually create some chances.

Well, I think that's goal difference given up. But WE WON. Thank god for that. We're still in this!

I like the thought of cats being strangled.