Babb'sBurstNad

Blokes with rings on every finger. One is fine, two if you're married and you sport a traditional pinky ring, but any more than that and I have to assume you know where Maddie is.

So, having already prodded at your back door, you were rudely awakened by a man squeezing his hand into your cat flap? Nope, can't think of a joke.

The mini Weetabix with chocolate chips have proven a game changer for me. On a cold day, with warm milk, lovely.

High ceilings are so 2016. All the cool kids discuss xG and shot maps now.

A bit of outrage and fume to finish off a satisfying weekend.

See, thoughts and prayers are working, only four dead this time. Progress.

Taking nails out of wood with a claw hammer. Satisfying.

Watching Ronaldo cry never gets old.

Apologies for the tardiness. I'm probably breaking all sorts of rules here, but I'm going to do it anyway, deadlines be damned. AOW - Infotainment Scan by The Fall I've never really understood Smith’s appeal, on the few occasions I've tried to make inroads into The Fall's discography I've found his style impenetrable, and left suspecting he was an artschool tit hellbent on experimentalism at the expense of the music itself. Having said all that, I found Infotainment Scan far more accessible than other albums... in parts. Ladybird opens proceedings with what I expect of Smith, a laconic drawl delivering thoughts like a stream of consciousness, narrating a feeling as opposed to singing a lyric. The deliberate tactic of speaking across the rhythm of the track is evident. It might also be why I don't tend to feel comfortable listening to it. Lost in Music has another experimental opening, noise instead of instruments. Yet, it's a pretty good cover once things build, the underlying Sister Sledge funk is still there, leaving me nodding along. The repetition of lyrics suits Smith well. Glam Racket seems the wittiest track, sneering at its target "You are working on a video project." Though I hope the line about reading Viz comics is not meant in a pejorative manner otherwise I'll Big Vern him! I’m Going to Spain is pleasingly straightforward and accessible. Some guitar, lyrics I can follow and synth in the background to top it all off. Love me a bit of synth. The breathy upward inflection of the vocals makes me wonder if Pete Doherty wasn't / isn't (delete if the dirty finger-nailed grotbag has carked it) a fan of Smith's. There's definitely a hint of a Cure vibe there too, which I like, maybe it's the clicking and synth in tandem. It’s a Curse drifts by largely without anything of import to note. Guitar; monotonous; tight beats; fair enough. Paranoia Man in Cheap Shit Town promises so much with that title, and in a way I expect it delivers for fans of The Fall. It's everything I think it will be; truncated thoughts spewing out into the void of the music, like an abstract painting, each line delivered like the last, a sea of unconnected thoughts to the uninitiated like me. I'm trying here, but it's not my cup of tea. Service is far too dance for me, like a lost filler track from the Manchester club scene. The League of Bald Headed Men just makes me feel like an idiot. I desperately want to like it, how could you not with a title like that? I hear how smart Smith is, and how his lyrics are cutting and dry, but I'm left nonplussed. Past Gone Mad takes me back to the dance vibe. It gets pleasingly bassier but doesn't really go anywhere with it. Light/Fireworks is the kind of off-the-wall final track that almost sums up the album as whole; disjointed. The first minute is all loops and experimental beats, and the final minute is an upbeat tempo without vocals. Yet, in the middle is where Smith resides, and all I could think was it sounds like a man having a play with saying things into a tape recorder in his bedsit. I clearly miss something when it comes to The Fall. I'm not unintelligent (I got a C in General Studies) yet I feel stupid because I just don't get it. Reading Smith's lyrics helps things take shape somewhat, as it's more the type of thing I associate with beat poetry, however once the music starts, other than the odd track that's more mainstream in its guitar-led and traditionally lyrical approach, I'm left cold. I don't dislike it, I just don't actively like it, if that makes sense. 5/10

He really is Skeletor to Milner's He-Man. Shaqiri's cameo as Ram Man completes this analogy.

Renaissance Dan

Would you two kindly pack it in, now's not the time for in-fighting. Let's get back to the topic at hand, Mo's apparent hatred for the club.

Looks as sharp as I've ever seen him. If anything, he seems quicker over ten yards than he was when he arrived. He used to be walking the tightrope of giving away fouls when closing down and rushing in, but now he's managing to get tight and not clatter people with his momentum. He's no longer what Dave aptly described as "Big Jim Milner towing his caravan".

I zoomed in on his mouth, and I'm pretty sure I could lip-read him muttering "One eyed prick" when Firmino scored.