The world of a woman.

[Captain Willard]

On 27/05/2023 at 14:30, Captain Turdseye said:

She’s got a mate who was getting rid of some books. She sent me a couple of pictures of them all stacked up. I picked out one or two which looked interesting. Anyway, I came home to find this on the coffee table because “On the bookshelf, it’ll look like you have a wide range of interests”

 

 

 

 

Trainspotting will make me look fucking interesting, will it?

 

Hardback as well. Francis Bourgeois. Get in the bin. 

I’ve read that book. It’s a bit odd but engaging 

[Remmie]

On 27/05/2023 at 14:30, Captain Turdseye said:

She’s got a mate who was getting rid of some books. She sent me a couple of pictures of them all stacked up. I picked out one or two which looked interesting. Anyway, I came home to find this on the coffee table because “On the bookshelf, it’ll look like you have a wide range of interests”

 

 

 

 

Trainspotting will make me look fucking interesting, will it?

 

Hardback as well. Francis Bourgeois. Get in the bin. 

You'll feel silly about this take after watching this:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CsEdpj8OcIy/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

 

 

[Remmie]

The charisma machine seems to be doing alright for himself too: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CsjdFHQuBw_/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

[Captain Turdseye]

It’s on her dad’s bookshelf now. He doesn’t have any interest in train spotting either but I took it over to his house and left it on his coffee table instead. 

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Captain Willard said:

I had a surprisingly heated debate with Mrs Willard this morning about whether the Harlem Globetrotters played in the NBA. Ended with slammed doors and no goodbyes. 

 

Something about her hoop 

[Lurtz]

I ordered a part for my van which never arrived. I bought one elsewhere and I've been trying to get a refund from the original supplier but so far they've only sent a replacement, delivery of which I refused. I told her about it;  therein lies my first mistake. 

 

I'm in the middle of switching jobs. Jacking in the courier work and I'm starting a job working from home from next week. Data analysis and the like. My new employer sent my laptop via DPD and I told her last night it would be here this morning.

 

I had a sleep in, and she burst into the bedroom about an hour ago. 

 

200 decebels: "I just had a massive row with a DPD driver. I told him you've sent the parcel back before and you don't want it and he said it was marked urgent but I insisted he takes it back so finally he agreed. He was a right arsehole about it."

 

"Er, yeahhh, that was my laptop. I did tell you it would be arriving today"

 

"Well how was I supposed to know it was coming via a courier? Well I'm *soooooooo* sorry, I'm in the wrong just because I was trying to do the right thing" - storms off.

 

I've spent the last hour getting hold of DPD to rearrange delivery for tomorrow. Meanwhile she's upstairs with a face on. 

 

They're fucking amazing creatures aren't they? 

[Pete]

13 minutes ago, Redder Lurtz said:

I ordered a part for my van which never arrived. I bought one elsewhere and I've been trying to get a refund from the original supplier but so far they've only sent a replacement, delivery of which I refused. I told her about it;  therein lies my first mistake. 

 

I'm in the middle of switching jobs. Jacking in the courier work and I'm starting a job working from home from next week. Data analysis and the like. My new employer sent my laptop via DPD and I told her last night it would be here this morning.

 

I had a sleep in, and she burst into the bedroom about an hour ago. 

 

200 decebels: "I just had a massive row with a DPD driver. I told him you've sent the parcel back before and you don't want it and he said it was marked urgent but I insisted he takes it back so finally he agreed. He was a right arsehole about it."

 

"Er, yeahhh, that was my laptop. I did tell you it would be arriving today"

 

"Well how was I supposed to know it was coming via a courier? Well I'm *soooooooo* sorry, I'm in the wrong just because I was trying to do the right thing" - storms off.

 

I've spent the last hour getting hold of DPD to rearrange delivery for tomorrow. Meanwhile she's upstairs with a face on. 

 

They're fucking amazing creatures aren't they? 

Never tell mine anything unless it affects her.  Saves so many arguments

[Kevin D]

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2023/06/02/wife-sues-husband-ageism-work-younger-woman/
 

A wealthy accountant sued her husband for age discrimination because she wrongly thought he had left her for a younger woman, a tribunal heard.

 

Eleanor Belson, 60, claimed that Tim Belson, 72, was ageist for ending their marriage and making her redundant from his Hatton Garden jewellery business, where she worked as a bookkeeper.

 

Her claim was one of many she made against her husband of 11 years in a case revealing details of their “acrimonious divorce”.

 

However, her claims were dismissed after the employment tribunal ruled that she actually left the marriage and that Mr Belson’s new partner was, at 63, older than her.

[Section_31]

Tim Belson sounds like a beast.

[Karl_b]

The wife had to swap her work days so that she's in today, she's known for weeks. She told me she'd sorted kiddo's nursery and last night I asked if she'd changed the dog walker, which she hadn't. So I had to sort the dog walker last night and I turned up to nursery to find that the little one wasn't booked in at all and they had no record of it.

 

So despite knowing for weeks, she'd sorted neither of the things that need to happen for her to change her work days. It's fine though, muggins here dealt with it.

[manwiththestick]

7 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

The wife had to swap her work days so that she's in today, she's known for weeks. She told me she'd sorted kiddo's nursery and last night I asked if she'd changed the dog walker, which she hadn't. So I had to sort the dog walker last night and I turned up to nursery to find that the little one wasn't booked in at all and they had no record of it.

 

So despite knowing for weeks, she'd sorted neither of the things that need to happen for her to change her work days. It's fine though, muggins here dealt with it.

Why didn't you remind her mate, this is really your fault.

[Anubis]

Sometimes Twitter throws up some gems.

 

Looks unhinged. The above fantasy vs cold reality.

 

[Mudface]

1 hour ago, Anubis said:

Sometimes Twitter throws up some gems.

 

Looks unhinged. The above fantasy vs cold reality.

 

 

Not sure getting skin cancer and bad teeth counts as being healthier.

[Lurtz]

Mrs L purports to liking a bit of royal history. I spotted a stone on our local leisure centre which says "This stone laid by the Duke of York, 1928" which I duly looked up and it was the future George VI.

 

I asked her who she thought it might have been.

 

"Dunno. Harold?"

 

Ffs. 

[littletedwest]

She's been admitted to hospital and they are keeping her overnight. Nothing too severe just precautionary and she may have to have an angioplasty.

Before we went she packed an overnight bag. When they said she was being kept overnight she said " gods sake packed my Christmas tree pyjamas" "why?" " I hadn't expected them keep me in"

[Bruce Spanner]

Was out with friends last night and a friend of a friend turned up, they are all women, and they started talking about their friend and how she couldn't hold down a relationship.

 

They start to regale me with stories about how she's flaky and unreliable etc and then this peach comes out...

 

She tells them that she can't figure out why her ex dumped her, but maybe it was due to communication issues. They pry a little further and the boyfriend has accused her of being unstable and unpredictable. More comes out until she goes into details about the last argument they had.

 

He's invited her to his parents for the night to meet them properly and all is going well until after dinner, she's had a few drinks at this point, she knocks a 'vase' off the mantle piece and it smashes and 'dust' flys everywhere.

 

She goes and tells them and they are horrified as it's the ashes of his dead brother!

 

As she hears this she has a panic attack and vomits into the debris!

 

Obiviously everyone is beyond reason and then she adds 'Perhaps we can just dehydrate him and it'll be fine'

 

The broke up the next day, can't think why?

[Section_31]

On 21/02/2022 at 11:11, Section_31 said:

Met my wife's new boss the other day at a wedding do, my Mrs thinks she's great and has been raving about her for ages. 

 

I have to say, she looks a lot like a tall Terri Hatcher, and at the end of the night she comes up to both of us and goes to me: "Someone from work just told me I've got no arse, what do you think of my arse?"

 

Mrs was totally oblivious to the inappropriateness of this, and I just replied 'ha, have a word with HR!' 

 

"No, seriously - what do you think of my arse?!"

 

Me: "ha indeed, hashtag metoo!"

 

Strange creatures. 

 

 

Heh. 

 

I said at this do I reckoned she was being knocked off by the big boss (she said this inappropriate stuff to me in front of him - of course.) Which is why I raised shields and went to red alert. I spent my 20s dealing with this shite.

 

Turns out they are, both were married at the time, he still is but she's left her fella and kids. She now uses it to get away with doing fuck all work.

 

I could see her ghetto ass coming from MILES away.

[Remmie]

It's all about lane 2! https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/av/athletics/66145468

 

Edit: lane 5 decides to jog it off aswell!

[Remmie]

My wife has got into Matcha, buying high grade AAA stuff at £30-35 a tin for 80g (this sounds outrageous but it's around 1g a serving and actually cheaper per serving than my coffee). As I am a coffee ponce, I bought a digital gooseneck pouring kettle with a temperature setting to the exact degree (Celsius obviously).

 

On the Matcha tin, it says to make your cup, you should pour in 80c degree water. So obviously the ideal workflow is to wait the extra time it takes to boil the water to 100c, burn your high grade Matcha and then wait 10 minutes for it to cool down, right?

[Mudface]

4 hours ago, Remmie said:

My wife has got into Matcha, buying high grade AAA stuff at £30-35 a tin for 80g (this sounds outrageous but it's around 1g a serving and actually cheaper per serving than my coffee). As I am a coffee ponce, I bought a digital gooseneck pouring kettle with a temperature setting to the exact degree (Celsius obviously).

 

On the Matcha tin, it says to make your cup, you should pour in 80c degree water. So obviously the ideal workflow is to wait the extra time it takes to boil the water to 100c, burn your high grade Matcha and then wait 10 minutes for it to cool down, right?

 

Did she catch you posting this and cut you off?

[Harry's Lad]

Mrs HL went to get the shop in yesterday and was complaining about the cost of it considering what she'd bought.

Prices are ridiculous she said. We're going to have to pull our belts in.

 

Pull our belts in? Yeah, right.

 

She did a boil wash in a washing machine with a 10kg drum this morning for three fucking teatowels.

[dandyman]

5 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

Mrs HL went to get the shop in yesterday and was complaining about the cost of it considering what she'd bought.

Prices are ridiculous she said. We're going to have to pull our belts in.

 

Pull our belts in? Yeah, right.

 

She did a boil wash in a washing machine with a 10kg drum this morning for three fucking teatowels.

She should’ve put your jeans and trackies in, you wouldn’t need a belt then, the boiling water would shrink your waistbands

[Harry's Lad]

1 minute ago, dandyman said:

She should’ve put your jeans and trackies in, you wouldn’t need a belt then, the boiling water would shrink your waistbands

Waistbands have already shrunk mate.

[Remmie]

4 hours ago, Mudface said:

 

Did she catch you posting this and cut you off?

What kind of amateur do you take me for, I waited until s

[lifetime fan]

What sort of silly cunt leaves a Global kitchen knife in a washing up bowl and doesn’t tell the person taking over from them that it’s in there? 
 

The same silly cunt who takes offence at being called a silly cunt for being a silly cunt. 
 

And to top of off it’s my wanking hand I’ve sliced open!