Fight Thread

[Stouffer]

Two from my sparring past stand out.

 

One knob from school when I was about 15 thought he would have a go at me. I was one of the better pupils in school, studied well and good at sports. This lad thought that because I was one of the swots and a big lad to boot (about 5'10'' and 14 stone) I would be easy pickings. He was giving it the "Your Mams a slag" sort of shit. I told him I was going to hammer the little fucker and that I would see hime behind the arena after school. When I got there he was waiting, I dropped him, first punch breaking his jaw. He got up and tried to kick me (the great big pussy) so I dropped him again breaking his nose. I walked off and left it at that. On my way past the school reception area I was stopped by our head of year (my PE teacher and rugby coach) and the deputy head-teacher. I was dragged into their office. They told me that he had been in squeling about what I had done and that I could be done by the police. They also told me that with his record he had no interest in taking it any further. I would have to go to see the head the next day. On my way out my head of year said he wanted a quiet word with me. He told me that I wasn't going to get thrown out of school and that the head would be told that as one of the good kids I was obviously defending myself and that at worst I would get a little telling off. On my way out he said, "The little fucker deserved it, we know that!" What a top guy.

 

The second event was during playing football on the park when I was about 16. I went straight through this lad. He was about 6' and 16 stone and was a bit backwards (we used to refer to him as chubbles). Not fully retarded but defo not the full shilling. As we got up he punched me on the back of the head so I swung at him, missing completely. We stood toe to toe, and he grabbed me by the shirt, ripping it off completely. I'm stood there like Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon swinging like a frigging maniac. He just kept punching my face. I've never felt pain like it. I didn't go down tho' as I would have been truly in the shit then. After he beat the shit out of me for a couple of minutes his Dad who was walking their dog turned up and stopped the fight. I felt like the luckiest bloke in the world.

 

Moral being that sometimes complete twats get their just desserts. Just not if they're mongs.

[captainharris]

My mate munch at school was well hard, he used to punch brick walls when letting out frustration

Are you on a sponsored bumpathon today?

[Remmie]

Are you on a sponsored bumpathon today?

No

[Stouffer]

Bumps should be made every day.

[Nick Leeson]

Was on a train back to bromborough just after watching an England match in town a few years ago. Liz was giving me grief because i was late back and I was supposed to be taking her out afterwards so i was in a bit of a mood.

 

Sat on my own near the back of the train and in the other carriage is three fellas and the roughest bird/thing I've ever seen. They're getting a bit rowdy, see me start laughing and come into the carriage I'm sat in.

 

The carriage I was sat in had half the seats taken out and was kinda like a big empty space except for the few seats I was sat in. Anyway, they come across and laugh amongst themselves for a minute then start making jokes about the authenticity of my passport and one thick twat started making jokes and taking the piss out of fucking greeks. I mean I'm not white but I'm not fucking Greek either.

 

So anyway I just look at him and say yeah whatever mate.

 

They were sat a row closer to the doors then I was so I was kinda cornered in if anything happened. Anyway, the one who is with the rough bird and must have been there head mong tells me I'm a bit of a paki or something to that effect to which I asked how he could dare to mention where I looked like I was from when he was sat there hanging on to Jonah Lomu who was twice the man he was anyway.

 

They all stand up so I know it's going off. I stand up too and don't say anything just look down at the floor to see what's around me or if there's any wet patches I could slip on or anything.

 

All's clear so they're all mouthing off as they're walking towards me and I step forward looking up and stamp down across the leaders leg by the knee, he goes down so I hit him with the left and he's down properly and isn't getting up but the other 2 are coming at me pretty quickly and I'm kinda down myself after hitting first one while he was down on his knees.

 

An empty bottle of sherry rolls past me though as the train jolts so I quicly grab it and get up and smash it across the back of one of the other fellas heads and the other one backs off. What I didn't realise was that the bottle wasn't empty so as it smashed, the contents of it kinda showered Lomu who was dressed in white and light colours. I wasn't happy or proud about that part as I know what a mare it can be to get stains out of white or even off-white garments; I felt guilty about it.

 

Anyway the train reaches its next stop, the doors open and they all help each other out of the door. As they get off they obviously start shouting shit at me, the doors close and one of them makes a gun shape with his fingers at me, to which I just do a faux 'really scared' face. Truth was, I actually was quite paranoid for the rest of the journey home and was expecting someone to get on at every stop who they had maybe called and told to find me on the train.

 

Train got to my stop and I got off and sort of ran home. I think that's the most paranoid I've ever been though. Every person I saw until I got home I'd convinced myself was a mate of theirs who they'd called to find me.

 

Was about time though to be honest. I've been bottled about 6 times while I've been out so I was pretty much itching to find out what it would be like to be the bottler rather than the bottlee. Wasn't "all that" though in the end; I'd have preferred we just settled it with a sudoku challenge against the clock.

[TonyTNT]

I was about 15 and caught wind that the school hard case was going to jump me outside, pretty similar to Stoufs in that whilst the kid wasn't a retard there was some definite issues that he needed to deal with, and he usually did by sniffing glue. I thought that the best plan would be to attack, as soon as I went into our business studies lesson I was like raging bull, by the time the teachers had broken it up I was pretty confident that this kid was never going to bother me again, he had a bloody nose, black eye and my understanding was that once you stood up to a bully that was the end of it....like fuck. Whilst waiting to go into the headmasters office he popped his head around the corner and proceeded to tell me that he was going to rip my face off outside lunchtime. Lunchtime comes and true to his word he comes running over like a right fucking loon, again I delivered a performance well worthy of winning most fights but he just would not give up, he was like Bravestar, strength of 10 bears, and there was this incessant high pitched screaming with spit and tears to boot, eventually we were on the floor and his friends broke it up as they could see I was winning but there was no way he was going to give up. Whilst I was getting up he took a run and nearly took my fucking head clean off, the dirty bastard. We shook hands afterwards which is what counts.

[Thants]

Never hit anyone.

 

I've been hit. I found it quite liberating.

[She Knows It]

All my life my brothers beat the crap out of me. I couldn't fight back against Rargh because he was bigger and stronger, and I couldn't hit Dirk because he was the baby.

 

After 16 years of sibling abuse I'd been babysitting for Dirk and our nieces and nephew while we were staying at our older sister's (who was at work) and they'd been little twats all day. They locked me out of the house and wouldn't let me back in, and I was worried sick as my one of my nieces was only 12 months old at the time and she was unattended. Anyway, when I got back in the house I sent them all up to the bedroom and locked them in, but they got out of the bedroom window. I went outside to round them up, and Dirk was being a little shit and I really lost my temper. I gave him the pasting of a lifetime. I can't remember much about it except him lying face down on the floor, and me sitting on his back, grabbing hold of his foppish, 1991 fanny-parted hair and smashing his face repeatedly into the pavement.

 

I have guilt about it still, but he left me alone after that. Sorry Davus.

[WaltonRed]

I once had a fight with the lad at the bottom of my old street.

 

Now this particular lad was the son of the street loud mouth mare and it had rubbed off on him, I cant even remember what the fight was about but I was about 10 and he must of been twelve, anyway we are scrapping on the floor and there was a bit of that blue rope which is always lying about for some reason.

 

Anyway I grabbed some and got it round his neck and started choking him, only to come to my senses and let him, as he's gasping I decided to peg it home, no sooner as I had turned my back on him the fucker was up and on top me, pummeling me.

 

Lesson learnt, when in a postion to kill your enemy, do so with no remorse.

[Top of the Kop]

Thank fuck there are a few people left who respect the Marquis of Queensbury. Seriously, that bloke was a proper gent compared to the psychos who seem to populate the scene of any violent skirmish these days.

 

At our place, the kids don't do one-on-one any more; it's all about your snidey little crew who'll trip the other lad up and then stick the boot in while he thinks he's only fighting the lad in front. I went to the same school when I was a kid and it was ten times harder and much more violent (all boys back then). However, brutal as the fights were, I don't ever remember people weighing in mob-handed like they do now.

 

this is why i dont get into fights! the amounts of time i have been ready to unleash these fists only for another group of feckers to come along and start something!

 

e.g.

 

Last year i was at a bar drinking with some friends (and a couple of random ladies) when this group of lads come over and start getting touchy with the ladies. Queue one of the girls to throw beer in his face and for me to laugh at the guy...

 

anyways, after some verbal i begin to say (in my drunken stance) "bring the rukus then fatboy" (i had just gone to see the Wu Tang Clan the day before so said lyrics were still in my head)...

 

anyways, as i look down at my phone which was ringing the fat cunt smacks me with two cracks to the jaw. I dont go down (amazingly) and have blood pouring from my lip! as i go to punch him two of his mates step in and give me a couple of digs to the ribs. Now i'm a pussy usually, but whenever someone hurts me i really just snap so i jump on top of one of the guys and punch him a couple of times in the nose...two more guys jump in and kick me in the ribs and FINALLY my friends come round the corner (just been buying the pints) and drag me off. Suffice to say i would have gotten my head caved in but the fact my friends dragged me off made it look like i was the one in control of the situation...

 

i really wasnt

[Unrighteous]

You want Hockey Fights? Bar Fights? Or Me being a shitehead teenager fights?

[Remmie]

You want Hockey Fights? Bar Fights? Or Me being a shitehead teenager fights?

All of them

[Unrighteous]

My favourite hockey fight.

 

I was playing Juniors in AZ and in Juniors if you fight twice in one game? You are ejected(Game misconduct) and anyway... The coach knew I had no trouble with fighting for the hell of it and I'd also do such dirty acts as Run the Goalkeeper, cheeky illegal things like introducing peoples faces to the butt of my hockey stick whilst in the corner and out of the line of sight from refs.

 

Anywho, we were playing against this side from Ventura whom were well better than us. One of their lines was basically impossible to stop and they pummeled everyone in our division soundly.

 

Well, their centerman was a bit of a pussy(Ala Wayne Gretzky mould) can do beautiful things with the puck but gets bullied out of the game easily. So, within five minutes our coach basically had his 'goon line' which was also the top line out against these jokers for every shift, except he switched out ace player Josh to another line, and put our checking centerman in between my mate Zack and I.

 

Well, their line has this swedish cunt who was a bit of a tough guy on the left wing and he drew down and boxed with Zack almost immeadiately because Zack was basically following around their star playing telling him that the second he touches the puck he's going to get pummeled so hard his grandmother's false teeth are going to crack.

 

Zack soundly thumps the Swede. I have five minutes to pummel this kid without restraint as their only tough guy was locked away.

 

I thump him every time he touches the puck and quite a few times when he doesn't... I caught him with an open ice hit that knocked him out of the game. Victory! My shoulder beat his chin in that collision. Whodathunkit?

 

The swede guy gets out of the box shortly after and immeadiately makes a line right for me with his gloves off. I drop my gloves, wrap my hand up in his sweater, and start just thumping him with haymakers as I've the much longer reach. He grabs my sleeve and holds on and thumps me in the ear.

 

I pull my arm out my sleeve and sending my elbow protector flying and start raining pain on this fuck. Bam bam bam bam, wailing him in the side of the head untill the last one connects at the top of his jaw and his legs go out...

 

I'm calling him all sorts of names as the linesmen are dragging me to the penalty box and we manage to take the lead on the subsequent power play.

 

... The swede manages to get to the bench under his own power(he's got a hard head, what?) and he's ejected so he heads in for an early shower.

 

The first period ends.

 

Second period... I'm up to my old tricks and finally I get slashed in the back of the leg by their goalkeeper so I respond sending my stick between his legs for a cup check. Penalty to me... but the Goalie fucking loses his shite and drops his helmet, gloves, tries to fight me.

 

I drop two straight right hands into his face and he's had enough.

 

I'm getting sent off and who opens the door for me? This fucking swede with a big smile on his face. So I'm like, Thanks mate and start heading to the lower rooms and then I hear it... he spit. The mother fucker just spit on me.

 

He's in his street clothes, I'm in my hockey gear and I just launch myself on him and I'm pounding the tar out of him. His parents are trying to get over the glass to stop me and finally the zamboni crew pull me away.

 

I got suspended for the next two games. Bugger.

[robbief]

too true about the gangs of marys kicking off when your on your own!

 

our pubs a bit of a rough spot for scrapping, it's not called the friday fight night for nothing. i'v had my fair few in there to be honest but i'v learnt my lesson now. the last time i was at the bar with my girlfriend finnishing off our last drinks and sme lad knocked hers out of her hand and just carried on walking. i grabbed his arm and said 'eh lad, atleast say sorry eh' and he went off in the usual scally manner giving it the old me and you outside bollocks. he clearly didn't know i was a local, a popular one at that. next thing is i walked outside to see 6 lads in the car park, all turn round and begin to walk away. i laughed and went to walk back in when i saw the whole pub in the doorway behind me! class!

 

anyway if you go out into the carpark, thats when you have the most chance of being filled in. what i would say is to watch when the cunt heads to the toilet and go and stand behind him. jus wait til he's finnished pissing and turns round to zip up. BANG. and the dirt is gone.

[Top of the Kop]

My favourite hockey fight.

 

I was playing Juniors in AZ and in Juniors if you fight twice in one game? You are ejected(Game misconduct) and anyway... The coach knew I had no trouble with fighting for the hell of it and I'd also do such dirty acts as Run the Goalkeeper, cheeky illegal things like introducing peoples faces to the butt of my hockey stick whilst in the corner and out of the line of sight from refs.

 

Anywho, we were playing against this side from Ventura whom were well better than us. One of their lines was basically impossible to stop and they pummeled everyone in our division soundly.

 

Well, their centerman was a bit of a pussy(Ala Wayne Gretzky mould) can do beautiful things with the puck but gets bullied out of the game easily. So, within five minutes our coach basically had his 'goon line' which was also the top line out against these jokers for every shift, except he switched out ace player Josh to another line, and put our checking centerman in between my mate Zack and I.

 

Well, their line has this swedish cunt who was a bit of a tough guy on the left wing and he drew down and boxed with Zack almost immeadiately because Zack was basically following around their star playing telling him that the second he touches the puck he's going to get pummeled so hard his grandmother's false teeth are going to crack.

 

Zack soundly thumps the Swede. I have five minutes to pummel this kid without restraint as their only tough guy was locked away.

 

I thump him every time he touches the puck and quite a few times when he doesn't... I caught him with an open ice hit that knocked him out of the game. Victory! My shoulder beat his chin in that collision. Whodathunkit?

 

The swede guy gets out of the box shortly after and immeadiately makes a line right for me with his gloves off. I drop my gloves, wrap my hand up in his sweater, and start just thumping him with haymakers as I've the much longer reach. He grabs my sleeve and holds on and thumps me in the ear.

 

I pull my arm out my sleeve and sending my elbow protector flying and start raining pain on this fuck. Bam bam bam bam, wailing him in the side of the head untill the last one connects at the top of his jaw and his legs go out...

 

I'm calling him all sorts of names as the linesmen are dragging me to the penalty box and we manage to take the lead on the subsequent power play.

 

... The swede manages to get to the bench under his own power(he's got a hard head, what?) and he's ejected so he heads in for an early shower.

 

The first period ends.

 

Second period... I'm up to my old tricks and finally I get slashed in the back of the leg by their goalkeeper so I respond sending my stick between his legs for a cup check. Penalty to me... but the Goalie fucking loses his shite and drops his helmet, gloves, tries to fight me.

 

I drop two straight right hands into his face and he's had enough.

 

I'm getting sent off and who opens the door for me? This fucking swede with a big smile on his face. So I'm like, Thanks mate and start heading to the lower rooms and then I hear it... he spit. The mother fucker just spit on me.

 

He's in his street clothes, I'm in my hockey gear and I just launch myself on him and I'm pounding the tar out of him. His parents are trying to get over the glass to stop me and finally the zamboni crew pull me away.

 

I got suspended for the next two games. Bugger.

 

so...what really happened? ;)

[melons]

bleugh... memories...

 

Most of my fights where with my sister, you name it we did it, knives shoes roller boots at my head while asleep where common practice, pushed down the stairs, hey ho... but when needed we would fight for each other.

 

best fights weren't fights, i was 15 some girl called me a fat cow, i was a fuckin size 12 FFS went an picked her up by the collar held her in the air, just threw her to the ground, funny as fuck her sprawled there... had yet another nickname in school for a few weeks...

 

i never instigated fights, they just happened.... not had a fight since i was in school, if some stupid arses square up to me, i ask them if they are really up for it...

 

Ah reminder, last year Cheshire oaks... me and a mate with all the kids in claires, i finish getting my kids bits and go outside to wait, i go back in to see my mate and this assistant in heated discussions over something daft..... mate leaves and i get the kids out, i go back in as one kid is missing... and this assistant is slagging of my mate calling her stupid and what not..... yeah, if you haven't got the balls to say it to a face keep your mouth shut... basicly sums up my statement. she squares up, ok, do you really want to take me on? i ask, yes she says, ok outside now i say... she didn't come out.....

 

I did once go for a white van driver while 8 months pregnant, his face is imprinted on my memory, stupid twat should not of been parked on the kerb in gear and forget he was in gear when he started the engine with me and my 2 young kids walking past.... the whole of the cul de sac saw and heard that one... He locked himself in the van an i am kicking fuck out of it to get to him.... its January and i am 8 months pregnant... mental image should be enough...

 

I am a calm and collect person... honestly...

[JohnnyH]

I've been bottled about 6 times while I've been out so I was pretty much itching to find out what it would be like to be the bottler rather than the bottlee. .

 

Jesus christ. I really hope you're on the wind up, otherwise you really need to find other places to go to. i drink in some fairly rough pubs on occasion and I've only ever seen 2 bottlings in my life? What kind of a fucking eejit are you if you've been bottled 6 times?

[Edward.]

Almost got into a fight in my local after the Toon beat us 2 - 1 I think, anyway I was gonna batter this lad when some big Irish goon appeared at the doorway and dragged me off. Actually I think there was probably more than one lad in for a battering. Or so I've been told.

[She Knows It]

Jesus christ. I really hope you're on the wind up, otherwise you really need to find other places to go to. i drink in some fairly rough pubs on occasion and I've only ever seen 2 bottlings in my life? What kind of a fucking eejit are you if you've been bottled 6 times?

 

An asian one.

[Edward.]

Actually that's a load of bollocks, but I did get two Geordies to try and batter each other after the match, the Irish goon bits right though.

[Chuck Fadanoid]

I had about 5/6 fights at school, won most of them, one was a bit of a nothing thing between me and one my mates. The best one was either when I tapped soemone on the shoulder and then cracked them when they turned around, because he'd shouted something at me the day before and then ran away, or when i cracked some lad who thought he was the balls in our form and as he bent over to hold his nose I gave him a roundhouse kick to the grill, fuck knows how i did that like.

 

The funniest one I've heard though was my mates cousin some bar. He was arguing with a gang of lads and thought 'If i hit the biggest one then they'll all shit and fuck off'. Of course he hits the biggest lad, the lad goes down and then the other three just jump on him. He was alright in the end though.

[Tom R]

I had about 5/6 fights at school, won most of them, one was a bit of a nothing thing between me and one my mates. The best one was either when I tapped soemone on the shoulder and then cracked them when they turned around, because he'd shouted something at me the day before and then ran away, or when i cracked some lad who thought he was the balls in our form and as he bent over to hold his nose I gave him a roundhouse kick to the grill, fuck knows how i did that like.

 

The funniest one I've heard though was my mates cousin some bar. He was arguing with a gang of lads and thought 'If i hit the biggest one then they'll all shit and fuck off'. Of course he hits the biggest lad, the lad goes down and then the other three just jump on him. He was alright in the end though.

 

That you, Chuck?

[RJ Fan club]

Talking of glassings, I saw a fucking cracker about 10 years ago.

 

It was crimbo eve in The George in Crosby, me and the lads were in there to catch up with a couple of birds from our old school as we were back from Uni. Anyway it was chocker to the point where you had your bottle or pint almost next to your chest. Some lad came wading through the crowd and threw a punch/slap right across some lads face while holding a pint glass. I expected it to split and claret to be everywhere.

 

Anyway the glass stayed in tact and the would be victim turned round rubbed his cheek smiled like he'd won the lottery and proceeded to kick the shit out of the shit house with the glass. The bouncers came over split it up and moved the initial attacker towards the back door; just about everyone he passed enroute to the back door who'd seen what happend laid in with digs and kicks, the lad left in a right state.

 

Glassing is for twats, FACT, karma rules.

[Chuck Fadanoid]

That you, Chuck?

 

Yes it is. And for more Chuck Norris facts... Chuck Norris Facts

[billybonzo]

Ive had a few scuffles, but the 1 that sticks in the memory is a beating i took, was in a local club and the head bouncer was a right grock, got the idea i was selling pills on his patch when actually i was looking to buy some, so over he comes without my knowledge, knocks me clean out, picks me up fireman style and throws me outside the place unconscious.

so i finds myself standing at the door to the place 2 full hours later, asking the bouncers why im outside, they dont know, i dont know, but im not allowed back in.

 

Had a severe bad head for 4 or 5 days.