She Knows It

Don't get me started on fucking o2's fucking call centre. I swear those bastards are going to give me a stroke. I've got thousands of pounds sat in our o2 business account to buy phones and dongles and stuff for my staff, only it might as well be thousands of magic beans because they never fucking answer the phone. Our account manager never answers or returns calls, and the call centre just pass the buck and say we have to speak to the account manager. I ended up having to go out and buy a load of phones with shitty PAYG sims, even though I'm paying for a million fucking contracts each month, because I can't get through to them to send me new sim cards out. It took me 6 months to get any dongles out of them. For a telecoms company, they're shitting well useless. I won't be renewing. Screw you o2, right in the ear. The ear you never have a cunting phone next to.

I've been working about 800 hours a week for the past few months. I'd rather not spend the precious, spare few minutes I have each week listening to new posters I don't even recognise arguing on the internet. I do still have a quick glance over the gf every few weeks. I'm here in spirit! Oh, and it's not Birkenhead, it's Oxton - magical place amidst the cesspit of Vegas.

I used to be forum Mum, till these new Johnny-come-latelys turned up... Bloody slags!

Was it Stringvest or Silverlining who wrote the excellent crank email about turning his car into a transformer for his son?

I've been on here for years, and I'm still not sure who Brendan is. Is he Stringvest or Silverlining?

I have a client called Heidi Hardy. Every time her name is mentioned I shout "Ho-Dee-Ho!" and laugh. Nobody else does.

I'll be honest. I hate working for myself. We grew too quickly (we had to at the time) and now we're in a position where our monthly wage bill is as much as our mortgage. Our turnover has halved overnight due to changes in legislation (which will even out in 12 months) but for the time being we've had to cut our cloth, and fast. We've got rid of all the managers we had in the company, and from Monday I'll be managing all the staff myself directly. I feel sick at the prospect of the next 12 months - it would have been easier to wind up and walk away with a few quid but I've got 60 odd peoples' mortgages riding on this. It's a proper gun to the head.

Too many sad songs mentioned in this thread. Fuck sad songs. It's a happy day. Whatever you do, do it how you want it done, and make it a gloriously happy day to remember. Oh, and go for the cheese cake. I ate at least half that mutha myself after my wedding. Lots of love xxx

Has Noos gone on the run yet?

I fucking love Buddy Holly. When you consider all the material he wrote/produced/performed was all over a period of little over 12 months (November 1957-February 1959) it's staggering to imagine what he could have done if he'd lived.

Melons and I have just got back from a week in a very rural area of France. We'd taken the kids to a chateau, and being France, it was shut for lunch. By 2 o'clock there was a small handful of French people waiting outside for it to reopen. Up the hill walks this couple in their 20s with a young kid. The woman is orange with long, straight black hair wearing a maxi dress with jewelled sandals and big sunglasses. I thought "Bloody hell, that French bird looks a bit scouse". The next second, the lad opened his mouth and "Eyyy maytttttte, wha' tttime duss irropen?"

If some blert offered me a contract to be his sex slave, I'd chin the cunt.

I'm seriously sick of hearing about this book now. Idiotic, dried-up women bleating on about how great it is, and how much they want Christian Grey (who for the record is an arrogant prick, and completely unattractive). I am however, desperately jealous of their husbands who now have the opportunity to knock up their own 'Red room of pain' (probably in the downstairs bog), drag the stupid bitches into it, handcuff them and beat fuck out of them. Yeah, see how much you like S&M now, you silly bint.

Chubbiest AIDS sufferer I've ever seen.

Have you seen the kip of the 'woman' that wrote it? She looks like Nigel Lawson.