Date thread

[Bjornebye]

Listen to NP Bob. You will end up taking ten steps back.

 

[Major Tom]

I'm liking this little story, Bob; I think it has potential. I do think the names of the girls involved could be a little more creative than 'date girl', 'the wife' and the like. So pick an obvious character or physical flaw and call them by that when referring to them on here.

 

Names like 'The Lisp' or 'The Forehead' or 'Needy Need-von-Need' would definitely add to the intrigue.

[Rico1304]

Cathartic fucks heal the soul. Take them at face value and you won't go far wrong.

[Harry Squatter]

BobSpunkouse I applaud you

[Champ]

I don't know how old your daughter is, but if she's so young she needs to be constantly supervised, she won't understand your words so it doesn't matter if she's there.

 

If she's old enough that she does understand your words, she can entertain herself for an hour or two while you and the missus drag out 'It's finished'

 

A weekend? Fuck that.

I have no idea what the weekend bit is about but if it's to discuss your relationship there's no way your daughter should be around. Neither of you will be able to focus properly on the business in hand, whatever that turns out to be, and even if she doesn't understand all the words she'll understand all too clearly the emotions involved and will seek constant reassurance

[Major Tom]

I have no idea what the weekend bit is about but if it's to discuss your relationship there's no way your daughter should be around. Neither of you will be able to focus properly on the business in hand, whatever that turns out to be, and even if she doesn't understand all the words she'll understand all too clearly the emotions involved and will seek constant reassurance

Yep. Not a conversation to be had in the presence of children, no matter their age.

[lifetime fan]

If she wants to spend the weekend to discuss things fuck her Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday morning then say you're right it won't work.

 

Then go for a beer Sunday afternoon.

[Scott_M]

Keep the streak going as long as you can & put off any awkward conversations until you hit a dry spell - ie you can fit it in when your not getting your end wet elsewhere.

[Liverpool lad]

Try not to get any of them pregnant. Then just keep nobbing them

[PestiRed]

If she wants to spend the weekend to discuss things fuck her Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday morning then say you're right it won't work.

Then go for a beer Sunday afternoon.

I think you should get a Sunday roast out of her as well

[lifetime fan]

I think you should get a Sunday roast out of her as well

Only fair.

[Rico1304]

Try not to get any of them pregnant. Then just keep nobbing them

Oh now you give out the advice! Where were you when I was in Bobs position?

[Nunavut Patrick]

Mate I flew seven hours in prop planes to 'talk' and 'sort things about the break up' for a day or two and ended up in a swirling vortex of sex, emotions, discussions, explanations, apologies, resentment, sex, a quick walk for the dog, more sex, three day blizzard which meant more sex, more emotions, potato latkes, massive blow out, sex.

 

i am still dealing with the ramifications of it. The 'wife' will see the new Bob and its going to trigger the sexual tigress in her. As well you, already having been spilling your seed from Nottingham and back, it will be time to show her what you are all about.

 

The sex will be some of the most fantastic sex you will ever have. You will be in amazement at how long your erection will last. You will get an emotional rush of deep feelings you have not felt since you first fell in love followed by intense physical yearning which she will reciprocate with her passionate love making. This will last hours, perhaps even days if you were caught in a three day blizzard. You will physically be exhausted from the sex.

 

And when it all dies down (ie- neither of you can possibly manage another orgasm) the emotions return and be prepared for an onlsaught of a tsunami of tears, confusion and indeciveness.

 

Bob, you have been to the abyss of rejection and climbed out, or possibly now riding out on a Harley Davidson manufactored by the good Miller Beer swilling white folk of Milwaukee, and the wife senses this, and realizes that all along you were her knight in shining leather. Or so she thinks. She does not see you as Boring Bob the Husband who worked too much, or Fat Bob who put on a stone or two, or Hardworking Bob, she sees you as Harley Bob riding the dual carriageways of middle England fucking who, when and what he wants and she will not want to share This Bob.

 

Only problem is equilibrium or what I call states of homeostatic emotion. Eventually she will want the stability, security and comfort of a stable relationship, and so will you believe it or not. And both of you will find that it does not take long to backslide right back into the emotional abuss again.

 

i once received sage advice about this and it was tread carefully.

 

Tread carefully Bon, she will only need ablut an hour before you are in her clutches and then you are writhing around naked.

[stringvest]

Pat needs repping until he farts here.

[melons]

Or she could just be being a massive bitch. I once went back to my ex when he wanted to talk, I nailed him, when I was satisfied I made an excuse to go to the bathroom, got dressed and left. He was left on the bed with a raging hard on. 

[Chip Butty]

Apologies, for sticking my neb in, but it just sounded exhausting reading your arrangement

I have to agree with your there. I read it meself and thought fuck that for a game of soldiers. Which I haven't even played in years. 

[lifetime fan]

Or she could just be being a massive bitch. I once went back to my ex when he wanted to talk, I nailed him, when I was satisfied I made an excuse to go to the bathroom, got dressed and left. He was left on the bed with a raging hard on.

 

Melons shit in bed shocker!!!

[Rico1304]

Or she could just be being a massive bitch. I once went back to my ex when he wanted to talk, I nailed him, when I was satisfied I made an excuse to go to the bathroom, got dressed and left. He was left on the bed with a raging hard on.

 

If that was me you'd have grown old waiti in that bed.

[Spy Bee]

I went out for tea last night and got in at 1.30 having pulled a stunning 19 year old. If this is what a midlife crisis is like, I fucking love midlife crises! 

[mattyq]

Can't you lock your daughter up in a garage or under the stairs or something?

That way you save all the travelling; can bone your ex; go for a Sunday Lunch and save the world with your green ideals

[JagSquared]

I went out for tea last night and got in at 1.30 having pulled a stunning 19 year old. If this is what a midlife crisis is like, I fucking love midlife crises!

Going in nothing but the above; daddy issues.

 

 

Now tell us more.

[melons]

Melons shit in bed shocker!!!

 

 

My point being, she could be planning it specifically to mess with his head. 

 

 

 

 

Can't you lock your daughter up in a garage or under the stairs or something?

That way you save all the travelling; can bone your ex; go for a Sunday Lunch and save the world with your green ideals

 

Get with the times, daughters that need to be hidden are now hidden in divan bases at the flats of uncles of the boyfriends. 

[General Dryness]

If that was me you'd have grown old waiti in that bed.

 

If it was me, she'd have got home to find I'd shit in her purse.

[littletedwest]

I went out for tea last night and got in at 1.30 having pulled a stunning 19 year old. If this is what a midlife crisis is like, I fucking love midlife crises!

 

how old are you pal?

 

*envious glances*

[General Dryness]

Nah, they're not the only three women in the world mate. If they don't work out, move onto the next batch.