Oh no - Rumbled by the missus

[Simbo]

When I arrived home from work yesterday I could tell immediately that all was not right with Mrs Simbo. I was getting one word answers to all of my questions and she had a face like a smacked ass.

 

I asked what was wrong and I got the mandatory "Nothing". I asked again and was told that she was pissed off with me. "What have I done?" I asked...apparently I had been looking at something on the internet that I shouldn't have been. The alarm bells immediately started ringing and I tried to quickly retrace my steps to remember what it was I had looked at. I tried to act innocent so asked what exactly it was that I had looked at.

 

"Amateur deepthroat ring any bells?"

 

WHOOOOPS!!!!!

 

Not much I could say about that one. She then went absolutely mental and a pretty big arguement ensued. Well I say an arguement but there wasnt much I could argue about....I was guilty as sin.

 

Im still actually a bit bemused as to how she found out. Im meticulous in clearing my internet history etc. Stupid fucking laptop.

 

Anyway, has anyone else got any stories of getting caught by the missus doing something they shouldnt?!

[silverlining]

Having an affair

[Stu Monty]

The missus caught me wiring some money to a warlord in Somalia. She was not impressed. I told her it was a one off but she wasn't buying it. I mean, seriously, who doesn't?

[Unrighteous]

I'm sorry, but your mrs got mad because you were wanking to internet porn? Tell her to go fuck herself. (see what I did there?)

[Magic Sponge]

Once got caught starting shite threads on the Internet.

 

Havn't done it since.

[RJ Fan club]

Once got caught starting shite threads on the Internet.

 

Havn't done it since.

 

Are you sure it wasn't threads about shitting, on some 'specialist' site?

[Cardie]

Tell her it's all her fault for not indulging in a bit of amateur deepthroating and forcing you to look elsewhere. Call her selfish, perhaps shed a single tear and flounce off like a neglected puppy.

 

She'll be unhinging her jaw before you can say down the hatch.....or she'll just change the subject to something else you did wrong.

[melons]

Just tell her you were looking for technique tips to show her what she's doing wrong. That'll go down well.

[Walton Park]

About a year ago my mate was due to come and pick up his coat from ours he left so I decided to also give him back his pornos. I put them in his coat pocket for when he knocked.

I was out and he knocked for the coat and the missus got the coat out of the wardrobe and decided to be a nosey fucker and check the pockets. YIPEEEEE

 

I switched Sky off one night bevvied and forgot to switch the channels from the porn ones so when the missus switched the tele on the next morning she was greeted with one of them telephone birds sitting on the couch giving it loads. BREAKFAST TELE

 

I remember when I was about 16 pulling the head off it during the summer holidays while me mum and dad were out. I looked towards the living room window and our next door neighbour who was about 85 at the time was brushing the step looking in at me through the curtain nets. Fucking gozzy she was going. Never looked her in the face again. Dead now so not arsed.** not by the missus but just thought I would share it with you**

[Markmywords]

I get rumbled doing this all the time, don't bother clearing the history any more.

 

Just be honest and say 'sorry love, but I like watching porn, it's great'

[Mike D]

could you provide us with link to said vid?

 

porn is fine with my bird, she'll watch it with me. or she'll happily hoover round me or tidy up while im in the middle of looking at it.

 

just say it was a subtle hint you left on so she could see, she'll soon have your balls up to her chin.

 

when my bird said could she have a go of the laptop I put the weightwatchers site on and said have a go of that, the roof of the house blows off like this

 

 

 

 

 

 

[The Chef]

Just tell her you were looking for technique tips to show her what she's doing wrong. That'll go down well.

 

Aaaahhem....:drool:

[Fowlers God]

Mrs FG is normally pretty cool, She is by all acounts well cool with porn, Infact I think when we got together she watched more porn than me.

 

I just get moaned at alot.

 

Have you had a fag today? How much you spent in the bookies? How much you spent in the pub? shit like that really.

[redsoxs]

Just tell her you were looking for technique tips to show her what she's doing wrong. That'll go down well.

 

bitch. (in a nice way;)

 

You beat me to it......

 

The wife catches me all time, she says.....done you get enough....

Then i give her that look... Reply, piss off

 

 

So don't complain. :)

[L19red]

imagine how annoyed she would be if the bin lids had stumbled upon your browsing history.

Sounds like its time you installed the latest version of IE or Opera with the In-Private browsing option. no cookies stored or history retained.

[RedinSweden]

Was it the fact that it was amateur that annoyed her?

[Remmie]

imagine how annoyed she would be if the bin lids had stumbled upon your browsing history.

Sounds like its time you installed the latest version of IE or Opera with the In-Private browsing option. no cookies stored or history retained.

Also available on firefox and chrome

[silverlining]

Was it the fact that it was amateur that annoyed her?

 

I suppose this is a more generic porn question, but I think porn fans are either at the girl next door/ amateur/ "real" women end of the spectrum, or the cartoon, super-sucking, look otherworldy this is my JOB end.

 

I'm at the latter end. I can get amateurs to suck me off in real life.

 

And I don't want to see average-looking people having sex. Rule for me is if the person involved is worse-looking than anyone I have ever had sex with, it's not worth watching.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Was it the fact that it was amateur that annoyed her?

 

I used to have a bird like this. I could watch all the polished, high production value porn I wanted but the second she found scouse girls/mobile/amateur stuff on there she flipped

[migs]

I upset my missus by telling her not to include me in the list of recipients of chain e-mails, as -

 

1. I am a heterosexual, 45yr old male

 

2. I delete them without reading them

 

3. See both 1 and 2

 

She felt I'd stopped loving her, but hey ho.

 

Also available on firefox and chrome

With FF, you've always been able to delete the history on exit. It has served me well for many years.

[Fowlers God]

I suppose this is a more generic porn question, but I think porn fans are either at the girl next door/ amateur/ "real" women end of the spectrum, or the cartoon, super-sucking, look otherworldy this is my JOB end.

 

I'm at the latter end. I can get amateurs to suck me off in real life.

 

And I don't want to see average-looking people having sex. Rule for me is if the person involved is worse-looking than anyone I have ever had sex with, it's not worth watching.

 

You watch that cartoon porn??? WTF is with all that anyway? Never really saw the appeal in that?

[Tyler Durden]

You watch that cartoon porn??? WTF is with all that anyway? Never really saw the appeal in that?

 

It's the Thundercats having an orgy with the the flinstones I imagine, nothing like a bit of animated pre-historic beastiality

[silverlining]

No, I didn't mean Hentai.

[Captain Turdseye]

Also available on firefox and chrome

 

It'd have been nice if I'd have known that a while ago, I'm shit with computers. I use IE and would always delete my history after a visit to some of the porn sites. Little did I know that, upon switching on the family laptop, my little sister could switch on chrome and view my 10 most visited sites.

 

Caught out big time, Redtube, number 6 on the list, and months of my little sister calling me a wanker. Always on the lookout for the chinese women in town now that sell those blag DVD's.

[Guest davelfc]

Hmm looking at a little porn or meeting with with a load of mates in order to buy battery operated masturbatory devices while drunk?

 

I think you'll find glancing at porn the lesser offence, get a big huff on and threaten to throw away her dildos. Fucking hypocrites.