The world of a woman.

[Curly]

Selling our house at the moment & as the pictures were taken last week the agent suggested getting rid of some snow from the decking so the Mrs ferried hot water and cleared it.

 

Woke up this morning , looked out the window at the newly snowy landscape & said to her ' You're going to need a bigger bowl '

 

Instead of bursting into laughter at my brilliance , she said ' Do we have any bigger bowls ? '

Hahaha

[Paulie Dangerously]

In honour of International Women's day, and the snow, one of the lads from our Warehouse said to the new sales manager, a woman "I bet you weren't expecting 8 inches today!"

[Mook]

In honour of International Women's day, and the snow, one of the lads from our Warehouse said to the new sales manager, a woman "I bet you weren't expecting 8 inches today!"

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

 

It's a video of my dog shagging his dog 

[Anny Road]

Was out walking this morning and there was a big line of traffic queuing and road work lights. One guy halfway down the line decided he didn't want to wait so proceed to do a quick u turn across the empty other lane facing back the way he came.

Only as he swang across to do the first part of the 3 point turn the stupid woman behind him pulled up into the space he had just left leaving him nowhere to reverse.

Resulting in him blocking the other carriageway for 5 minutes and looking completely exacerbated whilst the lady in question starred straight ahead oblivious to carnage she was causing.

[lifetime fan]

Think I’ve said on here before about the wife having dozens of handbags and purses and then walks around with her bank card in her coat pocket and is constantly losing it or forgetting it.

 

It got to the point it pissed me off so much I bought her a phone cover with a secure card holder on the back of it.

 

We went out for a roast on sunday and on the way home she wants to fill up with fuel ready for work for the week.

 

Me: Have you got your bank card?

Her: I don’t need it, I have Apple Pay on my phone.

Me: Don’t you have a maximum limit on it?

Her: No.

Me: You sure, you just want me to only put £30

In to be safe?

Her: No it’ll be fine, fill it up.

Me: Just so you know I don’t have my wallet on me.

 

So I fill up and she goes in to pay...she then comes out of the garage...

 

Her: Do you have your bank card or any cash on you?

Me: No. I told you I didn’t bring my wallet. Why?

Her: The garage have a £30 limit on Apple Pay.

[Curly]

It's a video of my dog shagging his dog

 

"Just cos you let some tosser blow his beans up your muff"

[Alan Sex]

[Harry Squatter]

That awful feeling g you get when you make a mistake or forget something and then you know she won't shut the fuck up about it for years, years and fucking years.

[sir roger]

That awful feeling g you get when you make a mistake or forget something and then you know she won't shut the fuck up about it for years, years and fucking years.

 

Makes me laugh this , mention any fuck-up they make more than once & you get the ' Are you ever going to stop going on about that ' , yet I am still getting stick in front of people for making a mess of some wallpapering in 1988.

[pauliescouse]

We had a new project manager start lately. Overly forced laughter, writing comments with hashtags on company communication tools like Slack. So the normal shake head, book late meetings and please die PM, behaviour.

 

But the best part is she has used her Tinder profile pic as her official company profile picture. 

 

One of the other devs got onto it and we've been pissing ourselves for the best part of two months. And she looks nothing like the picture, maybe 10 years ago with someone else's head.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

And she looks nothing like the picture, maybe 10 years ago with someone else's head.

Hahaha

[Curly]

One of the other devs got onto it and we've been pissing ourselves for the best part of two months.

[Harry Squatter]

There was heavy snowfall last week and my sons school closed. I had to take the day off so my wife could drive my daughter to school and then she had a hospital appointment later on.

 

Checked the school's facebook page and they informed us at 7.30am that it was shut. The people most moaning about it were the full time mummy brigade horrified that they had to spend a day with their kids. The women who do work and had to take a day off just got on with it but these lazy fucks never shit up about it.

[Lee909]

Suppose the best place for this

 

Was looking for a pair of scales.

They picture shows everything in kg so i was checking they'd do pounds aswell.

Looked in the wuestion amd answers bit on the argos page

 

 

Maryalice

How do I get the battery case off. The screw is far too small for my screwdrivers

 

 

Hi Maryalice, 

 

I am sorry your screwdrivers does not fit the screw. You will require a smaller screwdriver that will fit. 

 

I hope this helps 

 

Thanks for using Argos Q & A

 

MaryAlice

This does not help, I did get some smaller screwdrivers, but none of them work. Please specify the exact size needed.

[Harry Squatter]

It was fucking freezing in my house the other week when the weather was awful. We had our windows done last October by a firm that was recommended to me by a mate.

 

My Mrs started whingeing saying we had been had off by this company because the place was freezing and she could hear everyone in the road at night.

 

So she tells me to get onto the "shite" company that I chose and tell them to get out and sort out why the windows haven't been fitted properly. Had a look at them and she's had them all on half lock. They are closed over so no one else can get into them from the outside but are not fully locked tight. This explains why it has been cold and why we can still hear everything in the street.

 

I would have looked a bit of a tit if I'd rung up kicking off and the guy had come out just to close them over properly. Of course this is somehow my fault for not noticing earlier.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Took ToddleD to the shops to get LadyD some flowers for mothers day.  LadyD absolutely insisted that I let ToddleD pick the flowers.  She is under the impression that my general tightness extends to flowers, however seeing the joy they bring LadyD I absolutely do not mind dropping a score on a nice bunch.  She was also seemingly under the impression that ToddleD would go for the largest bunch she could get her hands on.

 

Imagine my surprise* when her face was tripping her after ToddleD selected a modest £4 bunch of flowers with a plastic bee in it and would not be swayed to the more expensive ones! 

 

 

 

*not at all 

[Mook]

We get a fruit basket delivered to our office every week, this week the oranges are shite & the bananas are tiny.

 

My boss has said about seven times this morning, "Have they had a rebate on the fruit?"

 

Why would you just start using the word 'rebate' if you had absolutely no idea what it means?

[General Dryness]

We get a fruit basket delivered to our office every week, this week the oranges are shite & the bananas are tiny.

 

My boss has said about seven times this morning, "Have they had a rebate on the fruit?"

 

Why would you just start using the word 'rebate' if you had absolutely no idea what it means?

Tell her you want to rebate over her tits.

[stringvest]

This thread is very hard to rebate to

[Trumo]

Rebate, rebate, and a lay!

[Mook]

My boss just now, she was asking me how long it takes to order some data up for one of our clients, "Will 24hrs cover it?"

 

Me, "Yes, I usually tell them 'same day'."

 

Her, "I don't want to cut off my nose to spite myself, if you know what I mean."

 

*silence

[Pureblood]

My boss just now, she was asking me how long it takes to order some data up for one of our clients, "Will 24hrs cover it?"

 

Me, "Yes, I usually tell them 'same day'."

 

Her, "I don't want to cut of my nose to spite myself, if you know what I mean."

 

*silence

 

 

I think you're a bit harsh on her, mook.  She's won me over.  And I bet she can spell "off".

[Tj hooker]

Was behind a woman in Sainsbury's petrol station by Alder Hey on Saturday she was telling the cashier that this was the 1st time in 38 years that she had put petrol in the car, her excuse she gets really nervous filling the car up dear God

[Alan Sex]

Should have just told her that filling the car is like making love to a beautiful woman.

 

You stick the nozzle in the hole, give it a good pumping, and when it’s full of fluid you tell her to hit the road.