The world of a woman.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

The woman next door just asked me if DHL had dropped a parcel off for her. I said no and she asked why not, wtf!! 

[General Dryness]

Should have said they still use single malt.

Should have said if a medical professional wants to render you unconscious in Scotland, they stick the fuckin heid on ye.

[Mook]

The bird I work with just goes to my boss, "It's the shortest day of the year today."

 

My boss, "It's the same length as every other day."

 

Pause...

 

My Boss, "They must mean daylight hours."

 

I'm genuinely not making this shit up.

[Mook]

Today she's reading her Health & Safety questionnaire out loud & keeps pronouncing the 'c' in 'muscle'.

[mattyq]

Today she's reading her Health & Safety questionnaire out loud & keeps pronouncing the 'c' in 'muscle'.

Just bum her, mate

[tokyojoe]

Today she's reading her Health & Safety questionnaire out loud & keeps pronouncing the 'c' in 'muscle'.

We demand pictures of your boss.

[Mook]

We demand pictures of your boss.

 

[Elite]

Today she's reading her Health & Safety questionnaire out loud & keeps pronouncing the 'c' in 'muscle'.

Bet she wants your love Musk-le.

[Dougie Do'ins]

I'm just on the train to London which as just stopped at Crew. The usual fuckwittery of cunts trying to find their seats is going on.

 

A youngish girl probably a student sits at a seat and the old girl in the seat facing asks if it's her seat as its marked reserved. What the fuck it has to do with meddlesome ratbag I'll never know but this is what what the reply was.

 

Yeah I think it's my seat. My dad booked it for me so I don't know.

[Dougie Do'ins]

Meddlesome ratbag and student girl ate now bezzie mates. We're in the quiet carriage and the only two people making any noise are these two cunts. Someone's phone has just rang and before they had a chance to mute it meddlesome ratbag tells them this is the quiet carriage. You can literally see people trying not to laugh at her.

 

Anyway turns out the student girl is dropping out as she had no idea how hard the things would be

[Fowlers God]

Meddlesome ratbag and student girl ate now bezzie mates. We're in the quiet carriage and the only two people making any noise are these two cunts. Someone's phone has just rang and before they had a chance to mute it meddlesome ratbag tells them this is the quiet carriage. You can literally see people trying not to laugh at her.

 

Anyway turns out the student girl is dropping out as she had no idea how hard the things would be

I demand Pictures Mick

[Dougie Do'ins]

I demand Pictures Mick

They're not lezzing off mate. Not yet anyway.

[Baresi]

Just had to take my 4 yr old to Alder hey to have bloods taken. Only one parent was allowed in so as my missus is flavour of the day, my daughter picks her to go in. So on the way home the missus says to me, her blood was really red you know! Well fuck me, who’d have fucking thought it. Yeah, she is blonde.

[Grinch]

Most of them have the sense to not leave xmas shopping until the last minute, I'll give them that.

[Furmedge]

I done the Christmas shop last night. She wrote me a list. I think I've mentioned her attention to detail with this kind of stuff before but I'm glad she was really thorough with it all or I'd have been lost. Gems like;

 

Meat

Stuff for tea

Stuff for kids

 

But the best one was the ice cream. The kids love a certain one so she quite lovingly wrote the brand of ice cream I needed to pick up. Which one? Cart door.

 

Cart door!!

 

Cart fucking door!!

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

.

[lifetime fan]

I done the Christmas shop last night. She wrote me a list. I think I've mentioned her attention to detail with this kind of stuff before but I'm glad she was really thorough with it all or I'd have been lost. Gems like;

 

Meat

Stuff for tea

Stuff for kids

 

But the best one was the ice cream. The kids love a certain one so she quite lovingly wrote the brand of ice cream I needed to pick up. Which one? Cart door.

 

Cart door!!

 

Cart fucking door!!

 

 

Brilliant. 

[VladimirIlyich]

I done the Christmas shop last night. She wrote me a list. I think I've mentioned her attention to detail with this kind of stuff before but I'm glad she was really thorough with it all or I'd have been lost. Gems like;

 

Meat

Stuff for tea

Stuff for kids

 

But the best one was the ice cream. The kids love a certain one so she quite lovingly wrote the brand of ice cream I needed to pick up. Which one? Cart door.

 

Cart door!!

 

Cart fucking door!!

She's obviously a phonetics expert.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

Just had to take my 4 yr old to Alder hey to have bloods taken. Only one parent was allowed in so as my missus is flavour of the day, my daughter picks her to go in. So on the way home the missus says to me, her blood was really red you know! Well fuck me, who’d have fucking thought it. Yeah, she is blonde.

Not a snipe at yersef, but when did blood become bloods? I know the language constantly evolves but some shit fucks us right off. CF minute1 and 1 July instead of 1st

[stringvest]

Price point

[VladimirIlyich]

Not a snipe at yersef, but when did blood become bloods? I know the language constantly evolves but some shit fucks us right off. CF minute1 and 1 July instead of 1st

They usually take 2,3 or 4 vials to test for different possible medical conditions. 'Blood tests' rather a 'blood test' is more accurate,I'd guess.

[littletedwest]

Mrs niece has passed her test. She went on motorway with her brother when he noticed it was a 50 limit she was doing 70. She was telling us how stupid he is as everyone knows the limit is 70 on a motorway.

Explained it was 50 and she said she thought 50 referred to the number of cars allowed on that patch of road (?)

Think she'll be getting some points soon

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

They usually take 2,3 or 4 vials to test for different possible medical conditions. 'Blood tests' rather a 'blood test' is more accurate,I'd guess.

I have to get blood tests every 3 months at least due to my kidneys having more holes than stringy’s vest, it’s just the weird evolution of the language, and I’d love to know which fucker is responsible... so I can shoot the bastard. I think it’s because I see it being influenced more from America, and the British are allowing it. Same reason hearing a scouser pronounce soft th as in fick, Estuary English destroying the scouse dialect.

[Juniper]

For years the other half had been trying to get me to watch her DVD of Gone With The Wind, her favorite ever movie. Due to it being around four and a half hours long we never got round to it until a few months ago.

 

Now the disc is one of those ones you have to turn over for part two of the film. The first half ended with scarlet in the field saying the lines "I'll never go hungry again!". It ends and she turns to me asking what I though of the movie? "good ain't it, love that film!".....she had never seen the second half of the movie, ever. Her favorite ever film was Side 1 of Gone With The Wind and had been for years.

 

Just seen Gone with the wind is on.

 

Reminded her of this.

[Trumo]

Just seen Gone with the wind is on.

 

Reminded her of this.

 

Repped for reminding us of that anecdote.