Geoff Woade

Main reason I hate being bald is having to shave it every 2 days or I look like a half eaten Malteser. The good part is that I also have the type of face that even when I’m happy people accuse me of being fuming and I’m ridiculously tall so look like a Home and Bargain version of Stephen French, thus people tend to stand well clear. Got to enjoy the small things.

Shitty, archaic banter aside, chanting about poverty to people paying 50 quid to watch a football match has always seemed like an absurd irony.

It’s ridiculous. I’ve no idea who is meant to be benefitting from him being sent to prison except for wealthy companies getting their pound of flesh courtesy of the judiciary. I still don’t understand why people convicted of this type of crime get started in the hardcore prisons either.

Difficult one. Keeping him for 4 years will cost the club the thick end of 200 million (assuming he could be sold for 100 million this summer) when you consider not getting the transfer fee and the 20 million plus a year. It’s not as simple as giving him what he wants. That is an unbelievable amount of money for a player the wrong side of 30.

Was literally about to say ‘loveable rogue’. I remember seeing that about some cement head who had robbed someone’s house, nicked their car and then crashed it and and died in the ensuing inferno down a motorway ditch. To give you some idea of the types we’re dealing with; the family decided to have a memorial barbecue at the site complete with the full house music and cans of Carling being poured on the ground classy send off.

Take it from experience, if you feel like that just take the plunge and split up. You only get one life. You’ll be making each other miserable and that’s no way to live. I get on better with my kids mum now we’re divorced and happier with other people and the kids benefit from that. Money is a twat of an issue in general but you can’t let it dictate.

Yep - you get proved right and them out of order and it’s ‘yeah, don’t fucking go on about it’ You get proved wrong and ‘going on about it’ is the only thing that’s on the menu for the next week, and brought up in future arguments.

As a kid the weekend felt over to me when Baywatch came on at 5pm on Saturday afternoon. It was downhill from there. Do remember though that the 9pm on a Sunday show was always good. London’s Burning and The Knock being my favourites. Remember being haunted by an episode of London’s Burning where 2 lads had got on top of a lift, mucking about and then it went up, I’m sure one got crushed in the top and the other fell to his doom. My mum ushered me out the room sharpish. I asked my dad what happened to them the next morning and he just have it the plumbers whistle and he said ‘they’ll never play the violin again’ Still don’t know what he meant.

It’s a hangover from what happens in America. Spoiled, unremarkable people see other people get praise when they overcome genuine challenges. What they then do is invent challenges and ‘overcome’ them in order to gain praise. I could be completely wrong about this and if statistics prove me wrong then I’ll absolutely hold my hands up but I’d wager there is a lot less of this utter tosh occurring in developing countries where people have in general got bigger fish to fry. It was always going to be America that has the monopoly on this type of issue because they seem to have the biggest proportion of vapid, ‘look at me’ wankers.

Article today about the ringleader in the Gary Newlove murder about to be moved to open prison in advance of his release. The other 2 are already out. What a fucking joke.

Why though? It’s so far down the list of priorities at the moment they shouldn’t be afraid to play it back with a straight bat (ooer).

I don’t even know why this is such a big issue that people have to have an opinion on. Why should politicians particularly care about it, statistically the number of people this must actually affect must be seriously low? It’s the same as being harassed about what your feelings are on Morris Dancing, probably not for you but that doesn’t mean you think people should be horrible to Morris Dancers. To be honest they’ve got bigger fish to fry at the moment than pandering to people about such a non issue.

Loads of them. In London pretty much anyone who bought a house before year 2000.

On the 150 rebate - there’s also a discretionary scheme which some local authorities are using to just include band E as well on top of other cases. There is still a lot of unknowns as each authority can set their own parameters but worth keeping an eye on. It’s also been announced that a household can apply for more than 1 lot of the £150 as well.

That never occurred to me actually, I normally use a steak knife to saw through the bottom of the package but I’ll try the lid. I’m meaning the film lid, you strapon - my gripe is with the quality of the film lids and how they don’t peel off cleanly.