Geoff Woade

Don’t get the fuss over him at all. I’m not sure what it is that people see. That run to the CL last year was more luck than judgement, he gets teams to around where you’d expect in the league and I don’t think he’s won anything has he? He must have a good marketing team or something.

Not as bad as the Alsatian but same sort of thing. Pulled on a night out, back to hers, she was actually decent, nothing untoward seemed to be going on. After we finished I went to the bog for a piss but as I go in the bathroom there’s an old bloke in the bath washing motorbike parts (and I mean having a bath himself and taking the opportunity to wash the motorbike stuff down as well at the same time) It must have been after 3 in the morning. Turns out she was still living with her parents while in her mid twenties and that was her dad. Weird.

Just absolutely ghastly. She’d get sacked from a job at the sperm bank for drinking on the job.

It basically travels with me in the car and I have it on my lap and push through the feathers as it drive, the ‘snapping’ sensation of the solid end of the feather is massively therapeutic. When I arrive at the hotel I will leave it in the car to begin with but the first job when getting to the room is checking if the pillow is feather. 90% of the time it’s some cotton wool filled atrocity but I always want to give them a chance. I then have to march back downstairs to the car park to get mine and carry it through reception and one time through the dining room as well.

Pushing through the feathers on a feather pillow or cushion and scratching with them. For this reason I have to always have a feather pillow, I travel a lot for work (usually) and am in hotels probably 2 nights a week on average and take my own pillow with me. I’m not that far off 40, it’s tragic.

Not mine but I read a story about an apprentice on a building site and how the other lads tried to have him over. Every day at brew time (it was his job to brew up), he’d eat sausages he’d brought in wrapped in tin foil while the other lads had their brews. They decided one day to wind him up by replacing the sausages with dog shit and wrapping it up in the foil. Brew time comes and they’re all excited to watch what happens but while they’re sat there having their drinks he hasn’t said anything. After a while one of them says ‘are you not having sausages today?’ He goes ‘No, I brought them in like normal this morning and chucked them in the tea urn for a few minutes to warm up but when I opened the foil they’d disintegrated’ Cue the other lads realising with horror what was in their brews.

Whilst I agree with the underlying message, can you imagine the horror of coming home to her every night?

I also had the fake Creed a while ago, it smells alright but stops smelling basically as soon as it dries on your skin. I honestly don’t know why people bother. I’ll never be getting it again. There’s a reason for the saying ‘you buy shite, you buy twice’. Worryingly, it seems that the next move for the girls who go through the phases of starting up selling these, juice plus, jewellery etc on Facebook is to move on to childminding as their next venture.

It appears selling fake perfume is the new pyramid scheme they’re in to. ‘It’s the same stuff but just not got the fancy bottle or advertising’ One I know was ‘promoted’ within 3 days and then again within a week. Constantly hounds her other friends to either buy from them or to join her in this exciting new world. I give it 6 weeks before it’s all forgotten about.

Does it work in anyone else’s house where if she wants something but is in another room, she asks but you can’t hear clearly so ask them to say it louder, then barely audibly you hear murmurs back so then have the option of A - just leaving it, which results in her marching through with a face on demanding to know why she’s been ignored, B - asking her to say it again louder, which results in her screaming at you for either not paying attention, winding her up or being a deaf prick. Or C - having to go to where she is and asking again, whilst being careful that she can in no way sense any hint of annoyance or exasperation as that would make you a bellend? What she wanted will then be something pointless anyway such as to tell you about something on a shit tv show or to moan about someone you don’t know. But when you want something and she doesn’t hear first time you know you have to go to where she is as otherwise it’ll be your fault for mumbling or placing unrealistic expectations that she should hear you from a distance.

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Just watching that makes me feel sick. The terror of getting trapped, in the dark, awful.

‘Excuse me Mrs Kev, but why did you give your son a girls middle name’