The drunk thread.

[Russ Atmosphere]

It was probably the fact his wife and kids had to step over him on their way to church that did it...

 

with the in-laws.

[Furmedge]

<p>Mixed my beers on Saturday night didn't I?  Killer headache yesterday.  Started in my brothers house and he only had Fosters Gold and Corona so I sunk 3 each of them and ended the night in Bier just off Bold Street where I had numerous Sagres, Birra Moretti and Budvar.  Got home at 4am, ate two kit kats and went to bed with a litre of water and a can of coke.  None of it worked and I sat there yesterday pretending to her I didn't have a hangover and helped her with the kids.  Still got the hangover.</p>

[Bjornebye]

Lovely little pub that Bier

[cloggypop]

Yeah, Bier is boss.

[milky]

Can remember years ago coming home about 4 in the morning, out of my tree and I've lost my house keys, yet again. Not wanting to wake my parents I start throwing little stones at my brothers window, I finally wake him up, he opens his bedroom window and I explain what I've done. The cunt just laughs, refuses to let me and goes back to sleep.

 

So I end up sleeping in the dog kennel and being found by my ol dear 10 o'clock in the morning with my legs hanging out the kennel. 

 

I did that once while hammered when I was about 17 (knocked on my bro's window). 

 

The tit ran screaming to my parents room to tell them someone was trying to break in.

[Duff Man]

I once walked into my next door neighbour's kitchen and got as far as looking in the fridge for some scran before realising I had the wrong house. Mainly because the old fella who lived there was literally screaming at me whilst hitting me over the head with a broom.

[Sugar Ape]

I remember when I was about 22/23, I'd been to town to watch one of my mates who was in a band playing the Cavern, only had around 6 bottles of beer all night, got a taxi home and felt completely sober and sat up with my dad for a couple of hours watching the boxing then went to bed.

 

My brother, who was only about 17 and worked in Sainsburys back then overnight stocking the shelves woke me up in the morning by punching me full force in the face then attempted to strangle me.

 

After a lengthy struggle and the rest of the family bursting into my room to seperate us we established that when I went to bed I'd gone in his room and pissed all over his mattress before going into my own room and going asleep.

 

I had a vague recollection of this but no idea why I'd done it, and even my dad was saying I didn't seem drunk when I was sitting with him.

 

Cost me £200 to buy him a new mattress.

[Mook]

 

I remember when I was about 22/23, I'd been to town to watch one of my mates who was in a band playing the Cavern, only had around 6 bottles of beer all night, got a taxi home and felt completely sober and sat up with my dad for a couple of hours watching the boxing then went to bed.

 

My brother, who was only about 17 and worked in Sainsburys back then overnight stocking the shelves woke me up in the morning by punching me full force in the face then attempted to strangle me.

 

After a lengthy struggle and the rest of the family bursting into my room to seperate us we established that when I went to bed I'd gone in his room and pissed all over his mattress before going into my own room and going asleep.

 

I had a vague recollection of this but no idea why I'd done it, and even my dad was saying I didn't seem drunk when I was sitting with him.

 

Cost me £200 to buy him a new mattress.

My uncle's mate once went on holiday with his wife & in laws, he's got up in the middle of the night (steaming) & went into their room (which was joined) & pissed all over them as they lay in their bed.

 

Absolutely classic stuff.

[Dr Nowt]

Can remember years ago coming home about 4 in the morning, out of my tree and I've lost my house keys, yet again. Not wanting to wake my parents I start throwing little stones at my brothers window, I finally wake him up, he opens his bedroom window and I explain what I've done. The cunt just laughs, refuses to let me and goes back to sleep.

 

So I end up sleeping in the dog kennel and being found by my ol dear 10 o'clock in the morning with my legs hanging out the kennel. 

 

Hahaha!  Coming from someone who's brother reckons that watching him nearly drown in a place called Becky Falls as a little boy was the happiest moment of his life (his wife knows this) even as it happened, when he didn't know if I would survive or not, that is a truly spectacular piece of sibling cuntishness.  Buy your brother a beer from me will you, Col.

[Bjornebye]

In part 3 training in the Navy (when you get a slight lie-in and can go off the base and stuff)  I pissed all over some lads mattress. I'd gone out the night before and sure enough rolled back onto the base fucking slaughtered. I was only about 18. Used to do it most nights so this one was nothing special. Anyway, 6:30 every morning the tannoy system in the block used to whistle to get every cunt up. Normal people who had been out the night before wouldn't really rise until 7ish to be out and ready for 7:45 so imagine my annoyance when the lad who sleeps next to me booted my steel bed frame at 6:31. I sat up with a "what the fuck are you doing Stotty you prick?!"

 

Now we had 28 lads in our mess (dorm) and Stotty was the last person you would want to piss off. I got on with him quite well but the lad was a fucking psycho./ he was a good 10 years older than me. had a wife and kids back in Scotland. Never used to go out on the piss with the lads but you just knew he was a borderline psychopath. You wouldn't instigate an argument with him that's for sure. Plus he was a massive r*ngers fan so despite us getting along quite well I always thought it would be a matter of time before I get woken up at 3am with a blade on my throat and made to walk into the showers.

 

 Anyway, just as I finish asking him what the fuck he was doing kicking my bed I quickly notice he is fully dressed already meaning he must have been up a while before 6:30. "You fucking pissed on me last night ya wee prick"

 

I looked at his bed and there was just a bare mattress with a massive wet patch in the middle of it. I had history at that time for the odd piss walk as it was so I could hardly argue. I apologised and told him i'd take it to stores and buy him a new one. I had to walk that fucking mattress across the whole base getting the piss ripped out of me by all passers by who just assumed i'd swamped my own bed. I could hardly say "Its not mine" now could I.

 

Anyway I promptly sorted him a new mattress and as a result of shagging the stores accountant who had been on my initial training course I managed to get some new socks and gym shorts thrown in for free. Took them back, washed his sheets and stuff, made his bed up and left the new socks and stuff on his bed. Anyway, I got back at lunch-time and he was there. Thanking me for getting it sorted and stuff he then tells me what happened.

 

 He was sober when he went to bed and got pissed off when everyone rolled back in waking every cunt up at 1am. Said he was struggling to get back to sleep and hearing everyone snoring drunk was pissing him off even more. Notices me get up from my bed and wonders what the fuck i'm doing. I've stood facing his bed and he said it was the glisten of moonlight on the first wave of piss that he noticed. he has thrown himself off the bed with his quilt and watch as I've had a long satisfying piss all over his bed, still with my eyes closed. I even shook when i'd finished and then to make matters worse walked to the window, put my hands out and tried to wash them in the rain then got back into bed and was flat out snoring within about 20 seconds. Poor cunt had to sleep on the 2 seater couch in the TV area, fucking fuming. he said he didn't get a wink of sleep all night and came very close to beating the shit out of me in my bed but the fact he thought I was 'sound' stopped him.

 

 I was one lucky cunt, he never ever tried to avenge it although he told the story to as many people as he could and always made sure I was there. I reckon he was waiting to see if I would laugh about it as well. I never did.

[lifetime fan]

Hahaha!  Coming from someone who's brother reckons that watching him nearly drown in a place called Becky Falls as a little boy was the happiest moment of his life (his wife knows this) even as it happened, when he didn't know if I would survive or not, that is a truly spectacular piece of sibling cuntishness.  Buy your brother a beer from me will you, Col.

 

 

Whilst funny, that's nothing when it comes to sibling cuntishness between us.

[Dr Nowt]

 

 

My uncle's mate once went on holiday with his wife & in laws, he's got up in the middle of the night (steaming) & went into their room (which was joined) & pissed all over them as they lay in their bed.

 

Absolutely classic stuff.

 

Sensational scenes!

 

I once came home in the early hours and spewed up all over an ex girlfriend as she lay half-asleep.  She was partially awake because I'd stealthily crept up the hallway as though it was a bouncy castle and crashed through her fit flatmate's bedroom door, ending slumped in the corner and twisted like Stephen Hawking if a car hit him, having wiped out an uplighter and god knows what else.  I'd say my sick's sudden appearance surprised me as much as it did her, but seeing as it hit her in the face, perhaps not.

 

The best bit is when I woke up and detected the slight chill in the atmosphere, my opening gambit was "What are you being so chippy about?"  When she explained the previous night's high jinks I seized on all I had left and, ever the advocate for myself, pointed out there was no evidence of "this sick you keep going on about".  She summed up by disclosing how she'd had to clean and swap out all her bedding in the middle of the night, then sit up watching me til morning to ensure I didn't choke on my own vomit "because you were like a dying dog that couldn't sustain the weight of it's own fucking head, and refused to sleep on anything but your back". 

 

She didn't laugh when I told her that all-night staring vigils are really creepy.  She did punch me in the face and move home to Glasgow within the month.

[lifetime fan]

Following on from stigs pissing escapade, and I've mentioned this on here before...

 

Spring 2001 and a certain game in a certain final against a certain brummy team goes to penalties. Now I was supposed to be home by 3 o'clock as it was, the extra time and penalties meant I was even later than I was originally going to be, my dinner was cooked to fuck and my 'pacing myself' had gone completely out the window.

 

The bird at the time found me stood beside the bed pissing in her bedside table all over a brand new vibrator she'd bought that week and a load of new kinky underwear.

 

I woke up about 4am feeling like my head had been raped by an elephant and not knowing if we'd won said certain final. I had to go downstairs check teletext and have a couple of tins to ease the hangover.

[Bjornebye]

Ha Col, I came back from seeing C*ltic in a friendly against S*uthampton years back, got in steaming drunk and the bird I was with at the time asked if C*ltic had won. I shrugged my shoulders as I didn't have a clue and she accused me of not going the match and instead having an affair. Zoe her name was. Straight outta Compton.

[lifetime fan]

As for sibling cuntishness...

 

Pissed up I sent a photo of Joe snogging some bird to his girlfriend. Luckily for him he was able to ague his way out if it and claim it was a friend if his gf's and he was just saying good night.

 

Well the cunt has a better memory than an elephant or a woman.

 

6 years later and when my bird is out of town we go on the piss and I end up shagging a fit little thing that told me she'd seen me around the area. A week or so later and I'm in tescos being served by her with the bird stood with me. As awkward as it was she said nowt but it got even worse when she had to ask a colleague of she could sell us alcohol as she wasn't 18.

 

I tell ginge this over a beer for a laugh forgetting what an absolute cunt he is, with an amazing memory.

 

The bird then started to get texts from him saying "mums go to Iceland, paedos go to tescos".

[Sugar Ape]

One of the lads I work with was banging this bird who had stayed in his and then went to work on his day off leaving him in bed.

 

He woke up and found a toe nail off her big toe lying on the floor by his bed so left it there and was fuming all day until she got home and he dragged her upstairs to show her it, calling her a dirty bastard and telling her to respect his house when she picked it up, told him it was a piece of sliced onion, said he wouldn't be getting sex this weekend and fucked off back to her own house.

 

Soft twat.

[RoboRiise]

I've never pissed aywhere inappropriate when bevvied, including my own bed.  Not really sure how because I've been in some proper states over the years; one night in particlar I tried walking home from Manchester (about 8 miles) and was so fucked up I ended up trying to walk along the white line to keep myself going straight.  That's the white line down the middle of the A62 - got a lift of two nice gentlemen in a white car with blue lights that night.  The pissing thing seems to be hard-coded into me somehow though, no matter what state I'm in I can autopilot to the bog and do the deed properly.

 

Got into work at 1.45pm today by the way.  Flexitime with no core time is the best thing in the world, going to pay for it later in the month but fuck it, last night was fun.  Worryingly I have no trace of a hangover at all, no idea at all how after what I got through.  At first I thought I'd just not accounted for the late finish to the drinking and it was going to hit me mid-afternoon but I'm feeling positvely chipper.

[ZonkoVille77]

Back pain is at me so I started on the JD honey earlier to ease the pain. I'm fucking bananas drunk. I thought I was grand til I stood up and landed head first into the wall. Anyhow I just like to say up your bollocks

[Chairman Meow]

Oddly enough i was about to head search for this thread for Jack Daniels related purposes.

 

I've been drinking Jack Daniels with a woman from Texas since about 4 this afternoon. THis I am will regret soon I imagine. I have attempted to match round for round and lost.

 

Stay of the bourbon bitch. 

[ZonkoVille77]

I am fucking dying. Can't sleep now either cos my brain is telling me I should challenge Anneka to a obstacle course dual gladiator style. Fuck sake

[Nunavut Patrick]

Oddly enough i was about to head search for this thread for Jack Daniels related purposes.

 

I've been drinking Jack Daniels with a woman from Texas since about 4 this afternoon. THis I am will regret soon I imagine. I have attempted to match round for round and lost.

 

Stay of the bourbon bitch.

 

You will never drink a Texan under the table.

[Chairman Meow]

You will never drink a Texan under the table.

 

Lesson very much learned !

[littletedwest]

fucking Mrs is a prick. Had a row before we went out. She drank a bottle of wine in pub inside an hour and it's a nice pub, not sort of place you stagger around. went home with her and then went shop and bought twelve becks.

I'm now rat arsed watching a TV show that involves a game we like. Gonna keep boozing though watch YouTube.,porn or whatever else

[Stouffer]

I am a little tipsy still.

 

Wahey; if only I coukd get a Kebap in this dusty shithole.

[Remmie]

I played a royal rumble drinking game last night, great fun and we destroyed a bottle of vodka before the rumble was over (It was 1 litre bottle but about 80% full). It was between the 2 of us. Paying for it today though not to the extent of my mate who was sleeping in the bathroom and ralphing until midday apparently.

 

Still it was fucking ace vodka and good fun, Lemon Meringue Sobieski vodka from Polish duty free.

 

The Ukrainian word for getting shitfaced is Kakashka, which I think is fucking ace.