Stupid things people did at school

[Remmie]

Dude went chasing girls with a dead mouse to much hilarity. He then decided to take a break from the earth shattering joy of this wholesome task and eat a tangy refreshing drumstick sweet. Bemusement and comedy ensued when he got his hands mixed up and started eating a dead mouse! Gadzooks.

[Stouffer]

[RJ Fan club]

Ohh the Phantom mooner reminded me of Mummrah. When I was doing A levels at Hugh Turd, there was a lad who used to run into our biology classroom and shout Mummrah every Friday afternoon. Usually our tutor Mike would nearly have a heart attack, then give chase to the canteen, where mummrah (never knew his real name) would hide in the corner having a fag with his mates.

 

Further to this. One Friday afternoon Mummrah never came. Our tutor Mike was pleased in thinking he'd run him off.

 

When we got up to leave, there was a bit of paper sticking under the door with "Mummrah Strikes Again!" written on it.

 

Mummrah was a leg.

[The Golden Eel]

I remember one time my mate was getting bollocked at the front of the class for something and my other mate starts throwing orange peel at his back. The teacher then says to the original mate "and what's all that orange peel doing there?" and he goes "i'm hardly going to throw orange peel at myself!" That still makes me laugh but you probably had to be there.

 

Those watches that could operate video recorders - what fun they were! Watching some bollocks video, pause it, rewind it, stop it, generally fuck about the whole time...

 

My mate, on his last day, started smoking in a German class... Just lit up a feg, smoked it and walked out. The teacher starts trying to send him to the headmaster! As if...

 

I have plenty more, but those are great days...

[sloth_frattelli]

When I was ten I bought stink bombs and my Da said it'd be funny to let one off in school. Well, permission from a parent was the green light for me! It was those wee glass capsules with sulphur or something in it so I pre-warned my mates and cracked it under the metal leg of my chair.

 

It worked a treat as the smell reached the other side of the room in record time. There were only about 4 or 5 of us in on the joke and the other kids started pulling faces, complaining and hiding their noses with their jumpers. The teacher told us all not to be immature and to calm down.

 

This thing kept on gathering momentum though and soon the teacher realised that this was no ordinary fart. As she opened the windows on each side of the room I noticed my mate had gone a deep red colour as he tried to stifle his laughter. He was the weak link. The teacher clocked his beetroot face and asked him if he'd anything to say. He buckled and told her that I'd let off a stink bomb.

 

I remember her storming toward me, I tried shaking my head and feigning astonishment but the evidence was clear in a little mess beneath me and she marched me by the elbow straight to the headmaster.

 

I can't really remember what came of it in regards to punishment, writing out lines probably, but when I got back to my chair later there was a bleached spot where the sulphur had burnt the floor as a permanent reminder of that day.

[The Acolyte]

At a music lesson. All the lads were put into small groups and asked to create some music with the instruments given to them, each group had there own little room to do it in. Cue much fucking around and wandering from room to room chatting with your mates. One of the lads who was in my room asked the teacher, Mr Cooper, if he could go to the toilet. Cooper (who later had a breakdown after we did the "mmmmm" prank on him) said no, he was in one of his funny moods. The lad said fine and went back in the room. I go off for a wander for about 10 minutes and come back to see all the lads piling out of the room. I ask whats happened and and they say there's a pile of shit in the corner! Being a bit more mature than the rest I don't believe them and go to investigate and sure enough theres a steaming pile right in the corner of the room.

Cooper goes mental and lines the entire class up in the corridor. Two lads who weren't in the room can't stop laughing so Cooper locks them in the room (which you could just about swing a cat in) telling them "you think its funny go in there and smell it!" . He goes to get the head for our year. Some of the lads unlock the door and find one of the lads with his head pressed against the slats of the window trying to get some fresh air while the other has got his head in the back of the piano! The hard arses in my class then start asking who did it as they didn't fancy class detention for the rest of the month all the lads who were in the room at the time deny it although it was obvious it wasn't there when we started class.

The head for our year who was a right old dragon turns up goes straight to me and asks if I did it, cheeky bitch. Eventually the lad who had asked to go to the toilet earlier finally owned up and was made to clean it. He got suspended. What happened that day went round the school inside half an hour and strangley enough was not exaggerated on at all apart from one thing. Lads who weren't there said the lad took a shit and wiped his arse on the curtain. Thats not true, not because I watched him do it as I wasn't in the room, but because there were no curtains in the room!

[Curly]

There was a lad in our school who got up while the teahcer was sat on his desk, reading out of a book at the front of the class, and put his arse cheeks on each side of one of the teacher's legs and farted. Was fucking unbelievable. A true highlight

[Guest davelfc]

Doing the school garden aged 10 and getting punched by some twat in the face and it breaking my brace. Then taking the small garden fork and stabbing the bastard with two of the prongs through his leg.

 

Complete accident like. :whistle:

[Macca_23]

Always remember that somebody had sprayed 'Ross S has Ginger Pubs' and 'Everybody should listen to Jungel Music' on a Wall near our local Shops. Still laugh about it Today.

[Edward.]

In chemistry we used to soak our blazer sleeves in Carbon tetrachloride and spend the entire lesson getting high, and firing teat pipettes full of burning ethanol around the classroom. We managed to set fire to the chemistry teachers lab coat and he errupted in flames.

[Woo]

I remember when I started sixth form, and it was one of our first Economics lessons. I still had a glowing reputation from being an excellent pupil through senior school, so most of the teachers still thought I was a hard working, innocent, intelligent young man.

 

Anyway, some kid started sixth form who never went to our senior school, and you could instantly just tell he was a douchebag. He came in wearing a denim shirt, denim jacket and bleached denim jeans, and topped it all off with an England cap. Then played footy on the field, and was sliding about in the mud, and walked round the rest of the day covered in mud and stinking of shit.

 

So, as it was a double Economics lesson, we had a 10 minute break halfway through, so the teacher left the classroom. One of the 'troublemakers' of our year opened a johnny, and left it on the back of this lads chair. It fell off, so I picked it up, and placed it in the lads hood, without him noticing.

 

It was there for the rest of the lesson, and it was only when the teacher walked to the back of the classroom to look out the window, and then was walking back to his desk, when he noticed this lad had a johnny in his hood.

 

The whole class got kept behind, as nobody would admit who did it. I was too much of a shithouse to own up, and I was too well liked for anyone who saw me do it, to grass me up. In the end, the lad who opened the johnny in the first place said it was his, and he took the flack for it. He got kicked out of the class for good, and I stayed in.

[Tyler Durden]

My mate was sitting in front of me once with his back to me in tech class with the teacher dead ahead of him talking, without suspicion i leant forward and lit a lighter against his back all while still looking right ahead, I assumed he would get on to it straight away but he never and because I wasn't looking at it I didn't realise it had melted a big hole in his back until he jumped up screaming.

The teacher came over kicking off over him screaming wanting to know why.

 

He said id burnt him (the grass) to which I said it looked like someone had put a ciggy out on it during the walk over from Quarry wing, couldn't believe the teacher agreed and kicked him out for disrupting the class, result.

 

I also stabbed the same lad (the arm) in the same class with a chisel messing around but done it too hard and cut him open, again he screamed and got threw out the class but he fucked off and had to get 3 stitches in it.

Think the (female) tech teacher must have had a thing for me.

[El Rojo]

The oddest school behaviour I've heard of relates to an attention seeker who used to lift up the lids of his eyes and rub grit from the floor into the underside and put them down again.

[Hooch]

I once spent a whole Spanish lesson standing behind curtains. Teach couldn't work out why everyone kept laughing all the time. When the bell rang for end of lesson I casually walked out with everyone.

It was the most popular moment of my school career.

[Stouffer]

That Mumrah story kills me every time.

[Spy Bee]

I locked our woodwork teacher in the cupboard once. He stayed in there for the rest of the lesson and it was the next class that let him out in the end.

 

I tied another lad to the bus once by his tie and they couldn't untie him for ages.

 

I used to throw ham butties at the vegetarian girl on the bus.

 

I was a right horrible cunt in school.

[RJ Fan club]

Mumrah was a proper leg.

[Dr Nowt]

Got a lad to snort a crushed-up antibiotic off the table in our form class.

 

Surprised his eyes didn't start bleeding.

[Fowlers God]

We where on the field in the summer and we where about to have a ruck with year above! I had my eyes in their 'top' boy, he hung around with a family that where supposed to be proper nutters, so I decided just before hand to piss in a coke bottle and upon the two lines at opposite ends of the field charged at each other to go to war, I stuck my arm back as far as it would go for extra launch and threw the. Bottle Full of my piss as far as it would go. As I have long arms there was quite a lot of space between the length of my arm and any space in front of me, as I charged and threw the bottle of piss it flew through the air Covering me with piss, my own at that!

[Moctezuma]

Kid in my school at a Goldfish alive, for which he got a slanging off the biology teacher and head. Though now as I grow older I feel more empathy for the goldfish dying in a bath of acid the stunt was reasonably amusing at the time.

 

 

 

 

Friends and I nicked bowling shoes (fuck knows why you'd want a pair of stinking old shoes- but we did it at the time). It was fairly obvious we were going to do it as the state of the shoes we handed over to the boy at the start of the session were utterly dreadful (including a pair of my dad’s old loafers that were ready for the bin).

 

 

We played half of a game and then plucked up the courage to make a run for it. As we were sprinting past the threshold the alarm went off (presumably activated by a chip in the shoes), some guy from the desk started chasing us down the street. We made it to our mates "getaway car" (an old Volvo) but the fucking thing wouldn't start so the guy caught up with us and started banging on the windows- which was pretty embarrassing looking back on it. We eventually got away and then worried we might actually get in trouble for it though that quickly subsided.

 

 

 

During winter, we were up on an embankment chucking snowballs at lads the other side of a road. One of our number scewed one into a woman’s car and she hit the back of a lorry lightly. We made a run for it and there were a few calls about what would happen, we decided if the polis came round we’d remain shutum.

 

 

Whilst a laudable plan two of the lads were recognised so the polis were round theirs playing good cop/bad cop. One lad kept quiet but the blabbed as if he were going to be facing life if he didn’t tell all.

 

 

So we got rounded up at school and shouted at, the woman also turned up and made us all feel guilty about what had happened. The lad who told all was then given serious gip but because we escaped sanction (daft kids etc.) he never got a beating, sheeeetttt we would have survived in B’more.

 

[Bjornebye]

I set my mates jumper on fire in chemistry with a splint. We were lighting Bunsen burners and he prodded my hand with a burning splint so i went to get him back and the lose threads on his jumper started flaming. Daft cunt just watched it happening to himself before i pulled it off him.

 

There was this tripping up craze that started happening where you kick your mates trailing ankle from behind. It started becoming second nature whenever your mate was running in-front of you. Anyway everyone used to run for dinner so we could go and play footy quicker without wasting half of dinner time queuing for food. Id just ran through the canteen door when i heard a huge smash behind me and saw one of my mates had gone through the window and was now bent over hanging on the frame midway up the door. He had ran in-front of one of the lads who had instinctively tripped him without even thinking and the poor cunts momentum sent him crashing through the glass. Amazingly he wasnt even slightly hurt but tripping people up died down after that.

 

During a geography exam (not gcse's just then 3rd year things to see if you have been paying attention) and my mate is chucking orange peel from his packed lunch he was munching into some lads bag . Anyway at some point someone has farted and it fucking stunk , i got the giggles and ended up having to go and sit in DP (disruptive pupil) for the rest of the exam.

I get back into the classroom at the end of the lesson and my mate is stood there on the verge of hysterics with the teacher and the lad whose bag was ring used to ditch orange peel.

The teacher immediately asks me to look in the lads bag which was open in the teachers desk. Not only had my mate put his orange peel in the bag but he had put a whole cooked chicken then covered it in yoghurt then put the bag back under the unsuspecting lads desk. My mate was refusing to take the blame and it wasnt fucking me yet the teacher came to the assumption that the food dumping was why i was laughing.

It was only when our head of year came bouncing in that my mate owned up. I still ended up in trouble though because when i opened the bag i started bawling my eyes out laughing like fuck, kicked my mate off as well so while we were stood getting bollocked we were just pissing ourselves.

 

One lad inexplicably through a bag of flour across the room in cooking , this was while the teacher was showing us how to make whatever it was we were due to make. She is bent down busy doing it and the next thing this bag of flour just fucking explodes against a wall the other side of the room. Amazingly she took it quite well despite half of us pissing ourselves wondering what the fuck he was going to do next. I wasnt in the day his next brain fuck happened but he wrote IRA in ketchup on the floor by some lads work station who was a cockney. This wasnt long after the canary wharf bombing and the poor cunt had only just moved up north.

 

 

 

[Dr Nowt]

Me and a couple of others got a tyre that was in the playground, wheeled it through the corridor, opened the school library door and fizzed it across the room, smashing into and knocking over a stand of books.

 

Had a brilliant fire extinguisher fight one lunchtime, got hauled over the coals for that and threatened physically by a Science teacher who reckoned he was a black belt because I wouldn't give him any other names of kids who were involved.

 

One of the common ones was in the main playground there was a natural border which filled up with water when it rained, and also loads of bricks lying around. People would wait til someone stood next to that area, then hoy bricks into the water to splash them. That obviously resulted in countless flashpoints over the years, and I remember one fruitbat chasing another lad lobbing bricks at his head.

[cochyn]

Lad in our sixth form was a fucking  bona-fide nutcase: bought up on the most remote of farms, his sociability was a bit ‘suspect’ at times and his alleged relationship with animals equally so. He did have an apparent redeeming feature though; he’d often offer to make cups of tea or coffee for the girls during their free periods in the sixth form common room. A noble and chivalrous gesture, you'd think. I guess spoons hadn't reached his part of the world though, as he'd often stir the hot beverages with his cock.

[Dr Nowt]

There was also the science lab classic of pushing your key in one of the bottom 2 holes in the plug socket to open the top one, then sticking a key in that and flicking the switch.

 

Because science blocks usually have a safety override it would temporarily blow all the electrics in the room. We used to do that loads but it got boring in the end, so we saved it for stuff like whenever the teacher was showing us a video of something for the lesson and do it then.

[Dr Nowt]

In my GCSE science exam one of the questions was something like "How do you combine two particles?"

 

I answered "Uhu glue or tin tacks."

 

I didn't pass Science.