Depression

[Section_31]

On 21/07/2023 at 21:02, Bjornebye said:

Happy Birthday to the ultimate example of masking your illness. xx 

 

 

 

 

I think creative people are especially susceptible to depression because they notice more. They're constantly hoovering up the ills of the world that surround them. It's what makes them good observational comics or songwriters, but comes with a price.

[TheSire]

On 20/07/2023 at 08:41, Section_31 said:

Having grief is actually a good thing in a way because it means that person still lives on and that they're missed, that they made an impact on you and on people in general. 

 

I've mentioned before about my mum's fella being a headcase and when he died, despite knowing him from the age of seven to 36, I had no positive memories of him whatsoever. Not a happy Christmas day, a happy holiday, a laugh or a chat on a park bench, zero - nothing, if you held a gun to my head and asked me to conjure up a positive memory of him I wouldn't be able to do it. 

 

Thing is, most people who encountered him would say the same, my mum too probably - if she was honest with herself. 

 

He spent most of the years I knew him in his own bedroom watching telly or listening to music, had no friends save for one guy he used to pilfer stuff from the tip from and sell at St Helens car boot sales.

 

Even though he clearly thought there was nothing wrong with leaving such a legacy and was quite happy to do so, I thought it was tragic. Imagine going through your whole life and leaving no positive memories for anyone at all, not even a single kind word. 

 

That's why you chaps should hold onto those memories, embrace them even though they make you sad - because they're proof that the person you miss loved - and was loved - and that they lived a life. 

That's a really nice and positive way of looking at it. I guess we do have a choice in how we process events, each person interprets the world and events in a different way and we have some choice in trying to have a healthier perspective.

[TheSire]

2 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

A week on these tablets and todays easily the worst day. Heads spinning. I thought they started working for me but I’ve been in this headspace before and it got really worse very quickly. Last time I was alone though so I think I’ll ride it out and keep taking them. Absolutely dreading this week. 

I'm guessing SSRIs? You will be fine in a week or so but they are a fucker in that they tend to initially make you feel worse and then start to work. Absolute fucker but you should be a bit more stable soon enough sir.

 

It won't stop the dodgy side effects massively but try to just have a checklist of the simple things that you should be doing each day to keep yourself in the best state possible. Just the basics like ANY exercise and trying to eat well and see friends and family so you're not isolated. You might not want to do these tbh but try to grind through it, it'll pass and you'll be in a better position soon enough.

[Bjornebye]

4 minutes ago, TheSire said:

I'm guessing SSRIs? You will be fine in a week or so but they are a fucker in that they tend to initially make you feel worse and then start to work. Absolute fucker but you should be a bit more stable soon enough sir.

 

It won't stop the dodgy side effects massively but try to just have a checklist of the simple things that you should be doing each day to keep yourself in the best state possible. Just the basics like ANY exercise and trying to eat well and see friends and family so you're not isolated. You might not want to do these tbh but try to grind through it, it'll pass and you'll be in a better position soon enough.

 

Citalopram these are. I tried Setraline about 7 years ago and it was horrendous. But yeah agreed on the other stuff mate. Just on a downer today like an idiot. 

[TheSire]

3 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Citalopram these are. I tried Setraline about 7 years ago and it was horrendous. But yeah agreed on the other stuff mate. Just on a downer today like an idiot. 

Yeah it's an annoyingly grim feeling but without an obvious trigger, which is more annoying as there's nothing to 'fix' as such so you're kinda forced to ride it out and try getting the little things right. It won't make the shitty feeling go away but it keeps you functioning and will take the edge off.

 

Hopefully we can find better treatments as some people suffer quite badly. There's a lot of promise around the likes of ketamine and the psychedelics where people who have struggled with traditional drugs for depression get relief and very quickly instead of that weird delay of a few weeks with the drugs we tend to prescribe currently.

 

Hopefully you'll feel yourself soon and you're back on track!

[Section_31]

34 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Citalopram these are. I tried Setraline about 7 years ago and it was horrendous. But yeah agreed on the other stuff mate. Just on a downer today like an idiot. 

I've been on citalopram for years on and off and they're good shit, took about 10 days to kick in for me but can be longer. You'll be right.

[3 Stacks]

Just this past month, I've had trouble sleeping which I've interpreted as me having a brain tumour. I've had pimples which I've interpreted as me having melanoma. I fell, got a bruise, and the first thing I did was check medical case reports of trauma causing sarcoma.

 

I am an absolute mess.

[Creator Supreme]

2 hours ago, 3 Stacks said:

Just this past month, I've had trouble sleeping which I've interpreted as me having a brain tumour. I've had pimples which I've interpreted as me having melanoma. I fell, got a bruise, and the first thing I did was check medical case reports of trauma causing sarcoma.

 

I am an absolute mess.

Chin up fella. I've done the same in the past. It reads like you're stressed to fuck so if you can take some time out from your normal routine you should do so.

 

Don't be afraid to ask your GP for help either, it's what they are there for after all.

[Section_31]

7 hours ago, 3 Stacks said:

Just this past month, I've had trouble sleeping which I've interpreted as me having a brain tumour. I've had pimples which I've interpreted as me having melanoma. I fell, got a bruise, and the first thing I did was check medical case reports of trauma causing sarcoma.

 

I am an absolute mess.

 

Just anxiety mate that'll pass. I've been the same lately. Looking for threats both internal and external. Is there anything you can do to relax? 

[Elite]

8 hours ago, 3 Stacks said:

Just this past month, I've had trouble sleeping which I've interpreted as me having a brain tumour. I've had pimples which I've interpreted as me having melanoma. I fell, got a bruise, and the first thing I did was check medical case reports of trauma causing sarcoma.

 

I am an absolute mess.

Have you ever had professional help? As it appears to be a fixation on multiple potential problems that are all different whenever you feel an ache/pain in a specific area. Like hyper-vigilance on bodily sensations. Meds helps me as I was like that with blood clots at one point.

[Champ]

On 24/07/2023 at 15:42, Bjornebye said:

A week on these tablets and todays easily the worst day. Heads spinning. I thought they started working for me but I’ve been in this headspace before and it got really worse very quickly. Last time I was alone though so I think I’ll ride it out and keep taking them. Absolutely dreading this week. 

How are you doing @Bjornebye?

[Bjornebye]

25 minutes ago, Champ said:

How are you doing @Bjornebye?

Not great but had some shitty news a few days ago so hard to tell what impact the meds are having yet. Sleep still all over the place x thanks for checking in Cath 

[3 Stacks]

2 hours ago, Section_31 said:

 

Just anxiety mate that'll pass. I've been the same lately. Looking for threats both internal and external. Is there anything you can do to relax? 

 

Unfortunately, it doesnt really pass. Have been different shades of health anxious for the past 6 years or so. 

 

1 hour ago, Elite said:

Have you ever had professional help? As it appears to be a fixation on multiple potential problems that are all different whenever you feel an ache/pain in a specific area. Like hyper-vigilance on bodily sensations. Meds helps me as I was like that with blood clots at one point.

I tried therapy and medication years ago, The ssri (Cymbalta, I think) zonked me out to the point I couldnt continue it and the therapy was ok but more in the sense that I could just talk to someone. The actual strategies werent that helpful for me. 

 

I may have to try some new medication. 

[Creator Supreme]

1 minute ago, 3 Stacks said:

 

Unfortunately, it doesnt really pass. Have been different shades of health anxious for the past 6 years or so. 

 

I tried therapy and medication years ago, The ssri (Cymbalta, I think) zonked me out to the point I couldnt continue it and the therapy was ok but more in the sense that I could just talk to someone. The actual strategies werent that helpful for me. 

 

I may have to try some new medication. 

Whatever works for you mate, you know pretty much everyone on here has got your back.

[Champ]

29 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Not great but had some shitty news a few days ago so hard to tell what impact the meds are having yet. Sleep still all over the place x thanks for checking in Cath 

It’s one of those things where you can start off thinking they’re not doing anything and then you look back in a few weeks time and see how much calmer you’re feeling. Keep going D x

[Section_31]

1 hour ago, 3 Stacks said:

 

Unfortunately, it doesnt really pass. Have been different shades of health anxious for the past 6 years or so. 

 

I tried therapy and medication years ago, The ssri (Cymbalta, I think) zonked me out to the point I couldnt continue it and the therapy was ok but more in the sense that I could just talk to someone. The actual strategies werent that helpful for me. 

 

I may have to try some new medication. 

 

Have you ever tried CBT? Have you had any bad health scares in the past which could be at the root of it?

[3 Stacks]

8 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

Have you ever tried CBT? Have you had any bad health scares in the past which could be at the root of it?

CBT is what we were doing in therapy. It was a while ago and I dont remember much of it but I think it didnt really do much for me because my symptoms seem to be physical manifestations of anxiety and depression, yet I find it impossible to rule out they could have insidious causes. 

 

Yeah, there was a health event. I mentioned it at some points on here. 

[Creator Supreme]

I can feel my mood slipping again today. I think it's work related as I was off yesterday and didn't feel half as bad.

 

I'm in the wrong job basically. I've moved away from the role of underwriter to more of an underwriting mentor role and it's not me.

 

I don't want to be training people, or auditing their work, I don't want to be talking to customers, I just want to do the job I've been getting away with for over 25 years.

 

The money and benefits are good at where I am and the people are mostly nice, but it doesn't alter the fact that the role bores me shitless!

 

I need out, I need a change, otherwise I'm going to end up spending 6 months in hospital, probably catatonic!

[redinblack]

Out in the car this morning, "Learning To Fly" by Tom Petty came on, beautiful song.

 

The tears started, and wouldnt. fucking. stop.

 

Triggered I guess. Bad day.

[Karl_b]

After a few years of being a "bit up and down", I recently got a diagnosis of depression and moderate-high anxiety. I feel like a bit of a fraud and I can't really articulate it - yet - but sometimes I just don't feel like me, I feel like shutting the world off. I think it might be stress related and a combination of physical health and work taking it's toll whilst wrestling with the highs and lows of early parenthood. For now, I've declined medication but we'll see how that goes. I feel both vulnerable and relieved. 

[John102]

6 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

After a few years of being a "bit up and down", I recently got a diagnosis of depression and moderate-high anxiety. I feel like a bit of a fraud and I can't really articulate it - yet - but sometimes I just don't feel like me, I feel like shutting the world off. I think it might be stress related and a combination of physical health and work taking it's toll whilst wrestling with the highs and lows of early parenthood. For now, I've declined medication but we'll see how that goes. I feel both vulnerable and relieved. 

 

I was in this position myself. I found the first 3-6 months in particular of both of my boys really difficult. I got through the first by sitting on the toilet every half an hour with my head in my hands for 10 mins. When the second came along, i did finally have some medication (Citaloprolam), as i worried i was impacting my little boy, when i shouted at him. I think i thought i was going to take them and feel dead happy every day, so that was a shock when it didnt happen, but after a few weeks i did realise that every day was in fact normal and it was an absence of dips, rather than a presence of peaks, so to speak, that characterized the medication.

 

Just dont have any more kids and you will be sound.

[Section_31]

17 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

After a few years of being a "bit up and down", I recently got a diagnosis of depression and moderate-high anxiety. I feel like a bit of a fraud and I can't really articulate it - yet - but sometimes I just don't feel like me, I feel like shutting the world off. I think it might be stress related and a combination of physical health and work taking it's toll whilst wrestling with the highs and lows of early parenthood. For now, I've declined medication but we'll see how that goes. I feel both vulnerable and relieved. 

 

That's an important first step my friend. I think you've probably got a good handle on what have been contributing factors and all of those things are demanding for anyone. You've done all that with things like covid in the background too don't forget.

 

You'll get through it stronger Karl, it's a well trodden path. It just takes time and self care. Go easy on yourself.

[Karl_b]

9 hours ago, redinblack said:

Out in the car this morning, "Learning To Fly" by Tom Petty came on, beautiful song.

 

The tears started, and wouldnt. fucking. stop.

 

Triggered I guess. Bad day.

 

When my daughter was born, I created a playlist of my favourite chilled tracks to listen to at night, at bedtime, when she wouldn't stop crying with colic, etc. I can't listen to them without getting teary anymore and some of them - specifically, The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel - puts me in floods of tears. I never used to cry.

[Karl_b]

And cheers fellas, this is always a good place to discuss this shit!

[Creator Supreme]

I should have taken more time off after my parents passed away. I took about a week off after each and in hindsight I don't think it was enough.

 

Problem now is, I'd feel a fraud if I got signed off with grief after this much time. I felt bad about having a day off about 6 weeks back when I had a bit of a breakdown.

 

Feeling like a fraud is bred into us if we haven't got a broken leg or had surgery or something.