What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Tony Moanero]

Water in scrambled eggs? I bet he’s one of those minges who makes porridge with water instead of milk.

[Oh Buoy]

7 minutes ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Water =Fluffy

Milk=Creamy

Milk = Creamy and Fluffy. 

[Bjornebye]

So you woke up and thought "I fancy some scrambled eggs, I might try the method that some ming suggested by cooking them in the microwave" then decided to put a nappy in a bowl on full power for 2 minutes? I don't know if I should neg you for considering using a microwave or rep you for being fucking 'out there' man. 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

22 minutes ago, Seasons said:

Milk = Creamy and Fluffy. 

Whatever suits your tastebuds.

[Bjornebye]

Scrambled Eggs are simple. Melt a nob of butter in a pan, crack 3 eggs into the pan, whisk like a wanker and add pepper. 2 and a half minutes later maximum you have the sexiest fucking scrambled eggs since Pol Pot put Miss Saigon through a blender. Anyone who cooks them any other way is a stupid prick. Oh and if you want spice them up, add some peppers and mushrooms. maybe some chilli powder. Depends how hungover you are.  

 

Fucking microwaved eggs. Twat. 

[mgw100]

They need salt. 

[Bjornebye]

7 minutes ago, mgw100 said:

They need salt. 

[Mook]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Scrambled Eggs are simple. Melt a nob of butter in a pan, crack 3 eggs into the pan, whisk like a wanker and add pepper. 2 and a half minutes later maximum you have the sexiest fucking scrambled eggs since Pol Pot put Miss Saigon through a blender. Anyone who cooks them any other way is a stupid prick. Oh and if you want spice them up, add some peppers and mushrooms. maybe some chilli powder. Depends how hungover you are.  

 

Fucking microwaved eggs. Twat. 

You horrible fucking bastard.

 

Putting mushrooms in with perfectly good eggs is worse than putting that Oasis/Kasabian shite in your ears.

 

Arsehole.

[Bjornebye]

11 minutes ago, Mook said:

You horrible fucking bastard.

 

Putting mushrooms in with perfectly good eggs is worse than putting that Oasis/Kasabian shite in your ears.

 

Arsehole.

I think I might know where Maddie is 

[Numero Veinticinco]

3 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I think I might know where Maddie is 

Aye, in with your fucking scrambled eggs by the sound of it. 

[Oh Buoy]

2 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

So you woke up and thought "I fancy some scrambled eggs, I might try the method that some ming suggested by cooking them in the microwave" then decided to put a nappy in a bowl on full power for 2 minutes? I don't know if I should neg you for considering using a microwave or rep you for being fucking 'out there' man. 

Deja vu.

 

I need to stop noting down techniques from some of the blerts in here. 

[Fugitive]

The best way to cook scrambled eggs in a microwave is to throw the microwave out the window, then you get a firework, stick it in the microwave and light it.

 

The next step is to go back to the kitchen and cook your eggs in a pan with milk and butter.

[Oh Buoy]

9 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

The best way to cook scrambled eggs in a microwave is to throw the microwave out the window, then you get a firework, stick it in the microwave and light it.

 

The next step is to go back to the kitchen and cook your eggs in a pan with milk and butter.

See butter's the golden ingredient there. 

[Tony Moanero]

[Anubis]

Got my microwaved scrambled and poached eggs twisted.

[Anubis]

1 hour ago, Tony Moanero said:

That better not be a breakfast you massive deviant.

[Anny Road]

Best way to do scrambled eggs is in a perspex bowl suspended over a pan of gently simmering water. Butter no milk.

[Remmie]

The best scrambled eggs are done in a Bain Marie, takes a little bit longer but totally worth it.

 

If you microwave your eggs I presume you a referring to your own nads as eggs and lashing them in the Microwave as that would make more sense than doing it to an innocent egg in all it's glory.

 

Edit, beaten (pun intended) to it by Anny.

[Fugitive]

Just had some Carolina Reaper Chilli Pork Sausages.... fucking hell.

 

My mouth is fucked and my bumhole will feel like it’s been attacked with napalm tomorrow.

[Tony Moanero]

8 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

Just had some Carolina Reaper Chilli Pork Sausages.... fucking hell.

 

My mouth is fucked and my bumhole will feel like it’s been attacked with napalm tomorrow.

 

[Remmie]

15 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

Just had some Carolina Reaper Chilli Pork Sausages.... fucking hell.

 

My mouth is fucked and my bumhole will feel like it’s been attacked with napalm tomorrow.

Isn't that the hottest chilli in the world?

[Fugitive]

6 minutes ago, Remmie said:

Isn't that the hottest chilli in the world?

Dunno but it was fucking hot.

[SammyAftershave]

20 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

Just had some Carolina Reaper Chilli Pork Sausages.... fucking hell.

 

My mouth is fucked and my bumhole will feel like it’s been attacked with napalm tomorrow.

The ones from Aldi? I had two on a sarnie at 4pm and had to eat a family pot of yoghurt afterwards. My eyes are still fuckin watering. The other four can get to fuck.

[Oh Buoy]

 

1 hour ago, Anny Road said:

Best way to do scrambled eggs is in a perspex bowl suspended over a pan of gently simmering water. Butter no milk.

 

1 hour ago, Remmie said:

The best scrambled eggs are done in a Bain Marie, takes a little bit longer but totally worth it.

 

If you microwave your eggs I presume you a referring to your own nads as eggs and lashing them in the Microwave as that would make more sense than doing it to an innocent egg in all it's glory.

 

Edit, beaten (pun intended) to it by Anny.

 

Amateurs. The best scrambled eggs are done by chilling the egg in an ice bath before dropping the egg at 1.5cm height before covering the pressure cooker immediately. Let it sit for about 17 minutes with no heat. Transfer to a warm pan and then throw in some pyrotechnics for that fluffy and smokey texture/taste. 

 

Fantastic. 

 

[Fugitive]

37 minutes ago, SammyAftershave said:

The ones from Aldi? I had two on a sarnie at 4pm and had to eat a family pot of yoghurt afterwards. My eyes are still fuckin watering. The other four can get to fuck.

Yep, those are the bastards.