Israel - A Rant

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

3 minutes ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

‘The Onion’ Calls On Israel To Bomb Our Offices In Case Any Hamas Agents Hiding Out There

An hour ago

 

In recent days, The Onion staff, corporate owners, and advertising partners have watched in horror at the devastation unfolding in the Middle East. As this unceasing cycle of violence continues, we believe it is time for this publication to reckon with its own responsibility as the world’s foremost news media titan whose every word is taken as absolute fact by billions of readers across the globe. It is with this onus in mind that America’s Finest News Source has made the difficult but important decision to call on the IDF to immediately bomb our offices in a targeted airstrike in case any Hamas agents are hiding out there.

 

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While we want to assure our readers that The Onion routinely conducts thorough investigation in all our office buildings to ensure the safety of our staff members, we must acknowledge the reality that we have neither the sophisticated military know-how nor the deadly firepower to definitively determine how many militant Palestinians may be secreted away in our office buildings. That is why, following a unanimous vote by The Onion’s Board Of Directors this morning, we are urging Israeli armed forces to root out any potential terrorists by reducing our offices in Cairo, Rio, Paris, London, New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago to charred rubble as soon as possible.

 

This is an extreme step, to be sure, but it is the only way to ensure that the numerous unattended stairwells, service elevators, and janitor’s closets within these high rises are not at this very moment serving as a breeding ground for dangerous individuals hellbent on destruction. For those who would dare criticize this decision, we must ask how can we be expected to continue on knowing that our neighboring tenants, such as the dentist office on the fifth floor of our London location or the Gymboree outside our L.A. offices may be little more than fronts for violent terrorist organizations?

 

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In addition, several of these location’s building managers have been rude to us at various times, which may also suggest rabid anti-democratic sympathies.

 

We know that this unprecedented call for action represents a significant sacrifice to both our financial bottom line and our ongoing reporting on the Middle Eastern conflict, but if carpet bombing the entire city block in which our offices are located will finally put an end to this cycle of violence, it will have been well worth any inconvenience.

 

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Thus, we urge Israel’s government in the strongest possible terms to obliterate corporate headquarters and subsidiaries, as well as all buildings containing any work-share spaces or storage lockers we may have rented. In recognition of the crucial strategic importance of this act, we urge Israel not to give any advance warning to the tenants located in these buildings, as there could be no legitimate reason for working so close to potential terrorists beyond a desire to serve as a human shield.

 

We eagerly await the earth-shattering tremors of the bombs’ impact, and in the meantime, we will be praying for this violence to end.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

21 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

 

She's got a point.  No more buying fruit from Boko Haram for me!

[AngryOfTuebrook]

 

 

[Numero Veinticinco]

54 minutes ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

She's got a point.  No more buying fruit from Boko Haram for me!

You took the words straight out of my fingers, mate. You’re now boycotting them? Interesting, what were you buying from these groups before? Anyway, the products haven’t been the same since the merger. Boko Iraniban is just generic shite these days. Not a patch on Hamasbollah. 

[Anubis]

The Onion clearly not put off by some witch hunters trying to secure their staff details.

[Numero Veinticinco]

I think that was pretty brave by The Onion. More should be speaking out over attacks on the press. It’s disgusting. Hearing associate press staff say ‘I’ve been here 10 years, I’ve never seen a single thing that could be described as Hamas or Hamas intelligence’ and that they know all the families in the block was surreal. The idea that AP are either ignorant of Hamas Military Intelligence being in their same building or were knowledgeable about it and were harbouring them is pretty fanciful. 

[Gnasher]

11 hours ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

She's got a point.  No more buying fruit from Boko Haram for me!

A group in S London just sent a large  consignment of smack back to Afghanistan after reading her tweet.

[Scooby Dudek]

I'm confused, I thought boycotting things was racist now ? 

 

 

[stringvest]

It is easy to boycott Israeli stuff.  Unless you support Israeli state terrorism and genocide, there's no excuse for not doing it.  It's not really a subject on which you can fence sit.  No shades of grey, no nuances. 

[Numero Veinticinco]

10 minutes ago, stringvest said:

It is easy to boycott Israeli stuff.  Unless you support Israeli state terrorism and genocide, there's no excuse for not doing it.  It's not really a subject on which you can fence sit.  No shades of grey, no nuances. 

I honestly have no idea what Israel produce that I buy that I can boycott. 

[Bruce Spanner]

13 minutes ago, Numero said:

I honestly have no idea what Israel produce that I buy that I can boycott. 

 

“Has your dad ever bought a Jaffa orange?” Barry asks. Fasail admits he has one or twice. “Right, he's buying nukes for Israel bro. He's a Jew,” 

 

 

[Colonel Bumcunt]

Aye aye, my neighbours need nuking.  

[stringvest]

14 minutes ago, Numero said:

I honestly have no idea what Israel produce that I buy that I can boycott. 

 Supremacism, inhumanity and oranges.

[Bobby Hundreds]

Im going to just Geoffrey Boycott isreali goods, my missus can still buy them but I'll chin her.

 

 

[Colonel Bumcunt]

On the face of it, Israel are bombing a country because the other country doesn't like them.  That's it. It's like us bombing France now. 

[Numero Veinticinco]

3 minutes ago, stringvest said:

 Supremacism, inhumanity and oranges.

It would be a real fucker to find a new supplier for my inhumanity. 

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

Who the fuck treats actual human beings like this? I mean, it's not as drastic as slaughtering them with bombs, but it's just totally dehumanising, evil, twisted cunt behaviour. Utter scum. 

 

"Sheikh Jarrah today smells of dirty socks and rotting flesh. Israeli police vehicles, known as “skunk trucks”, have been spraying Palestinian homes, shops, restaurants, public spaces and cultural institutions with putrid water at high pressure. The water causes vomiting, stomach pain and skin irritation, and was originally developed by an Israeli company to repel protesters. The stench lasts for days on clothes, skin and homes, leading Palestinians to joke that Jerusalem all smells like shit."

[SasaS]

1 hour ago, Numero said:

I think that was pretty brave by The Onion. More should be speaking out over attacks on the press. It’s disgusting. Hearing associate press staff say ‘I’ve been here 10 years, I’ve never seen a single thing that could be described as Hamas or Hamas intelligence’ and that they know all the families in the block was surreal. The idea that AP are either ignorant of Hamas Military Intelligence being in their same building or were knowledgeable about it and were harbouring them is pretty fanciful. 

I actually tend to believe IDF when they say they are targeting Hamas-linked infrastructure.

They apparently have excellent intelligence and I don't see what would be the point of randomly bombing civilian targets, in a crisis which seems all about winning the propaganda war (yet again). I however doubt not to kill civilians is very high on their priority list, I think they probably don't care too much if they have a valuable target. But I'd say they still must have a pretty long list of "proper" targets, of what they see is meaningful. I doubt they are at the stage of "hit something, we will say it's Hamas later" yet, with their intelligence capabilities. Or that they think they can manage the media reporting by simply blowing their buildings up. 

 

With their firepower, they could probably kill ten or a hundred times more civilians than they did so far. Which does not mean they could not have retaliated to the rockets by killing much less than 200 people.

 

[Numero Veinticinco]

Just now, SasaS said:

I actually tend to believe IDF when they say they are targeting Hamas-linked infrastructure.

They apparently have excellent intelligence and I don't see what would be the point of randomly bombing civilian targets, in a crisis which seems all about winning the propaganda war (yet again). I however doubt not to kill civilians is very high on their priority list, I think they probably don't care too much if they have a valuable target. But I'd say they still must have a pretty long list of "proper" targets, of what they see is meaningful. I doubt they are at the stage of "hit something, we will say it's Hamas later" yet, with their intelligence capabilities. Or that they think they can manage the media reporting by simply blowing their buildings up. 

 

With their firepower, they could probably kill ten or a hundred times more civilians than they did so far. Which does not mean they could not have retaliated to the rockets by killing much less than 200 people.

 

They were clearly targeting the news outlets. It's not the first time they've targeted press either. 

[Strontium]

13 minutes ago, SasaS said:

Or that they think they can manage the media reporting by simply blowing their buildings up.

 

There's a video doing the rounds from an earlier conflict, where a female reporter is doing a piece to camera, laughing when she realises the latest rocket was fired from their building. It's quite something.

[Numero Veinticinco]

9 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

 

There's a video doing the rounds from an earlier conflict, where a female reporter is doing a piece to camera, laughing when she realises the latest rocket was fired from their building. It's quite something.

Report for which organisation?

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

6 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

 

There's a video doing the rounds from an earlier conflict, where a female reporter is doing a piece to camera, laughing when she realises the latest rocket was fired from their building. It's quite something.

Most people would like to see this, given the recent cases of Israeli officials and politicians posting videos of rocket launches and transportation in Syria and staged funerals from a prank video show/people trying to avoid Covid restrictions in Jordan but falsely claiming that they were filmed recently in Gaza. 

 

There's a lot of fake propaganda being spread. And, this is actually one of the things in which a legitimate "both sides" argument can be made too. It's rife. 

[Strontium]

9 minutes ago, Numero said:

Report for which organisation?

 

Found it now. The organisation was Al-Arabiya, the journalist was Hanan al-Masri, reporting from the very same building (Al Shorouq in Gaza) in 2009.

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

13 minutes ago, Numero said:

Report for which organisation?

Lebanese television, apparently/allegedly. 

[Bjornebye]

18 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

 

There's a video doing the rounds from an earlier conflict, where a female reporter is doing a piece to camera, laughing when she realises the latest rocket was fired from their building. It's quite something.

Sorry SD can you clarify which comments made by senior Israeli politicians that I posted aren't shameful? You might have missed the two times I asked for this last night because I'm sure you wouldn't intentionally ignore direct questions. 

 

Here are the comments to refresh your mind

 

"Palestinians are beasts, they are not human.”

- Then-deputy minister of religious services and current deputy minister of defense, Rabbi Eli Ben-Dahan, 2013.

 

“What’s so horrifying about understanding that the entire Palestinian people is the enemy?... They are all enemy combatants, and their blood shall be on all their heads. Now this also includes the mothers of the martyrs, who send them to hell with flowers and kisses. They should follow their sons, nothing would be more just. They should go, as should the physical homes in which they raised the snakes. Otherwise, more little snakes will be raised there.”

- Current minister of justice, Ayelet Shaked, quoting a former settler activist and speechwriter and advisor for Netanyahu, 2014.

 

“The Sudanese are a cancer in our body. We will do everything to send them back where they came from."

– Miri Regev, current minister of culture and sport, 2012.

 

“Those who are with us deserve everything, but those who are against us deserve to have their heads chopped off with an axe,"

– Then-foreign minister and leader of the Yisrael Beiteinu party, Avigdor Lieberman, 2015.

 

"Our soldiers are the only innocents in Gaza. Under no circumstances should they be killed because of false morality that prefers to protect enemy civilians. One hair on the head of an Israeli soldier is more precious than the entire Gazan populace, which elected the Hamas and supports and encourages anyone who murders Israelis."

– Then-deputy speaker of the Israeli parliament (Knesset) from Netanyahu's Likud party, Moshe Feiglin, 2014.

 

“A Jew always has a much higher soul than a gentile, even if he is a homosexual.”

– Then-deputy minister of religious services and current deputy minister of defense, Rabbi Eli Ben-Dahan, 2013.

 

“I am happy to be a fascist!”

– Miri Regev, current minister of culture and sport, 2012.

 

“[There are] 92,000 families in Israel in which one of the partners is not Jewish - we have a real problem that we have to deal with."

 – Tzipi Hotovely, current deputy foreign minister, 2011.

 

"The Palestinian threat harbors cancer-like attributes that have to be severed. There are all kinds of solutions to cancer. Some say it's necessary to amputate organs but at the moment I am applying chemotherapy."

- Then-general and current defense minister, Moshe Yaalon, 2002.

 

"[The way to deal with Palestinians is to] beat them up, not once but repeatedly, beat them up so it hurts so badly, until it's unbearable."

 

– Benjamin Netanyahu, current prime minister, while in the opposition following his first term as prime minister, caught on video speaking to Israeli settlers, 2001.

 

 

 

 

"If those quotes are true and mean what they appear to mean, the majority of them are shameful."

 

SD - Last night. 

 

I'm genuinely interested to see what you feel isn't shameful out of them.