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The world of a woman.

Ezekiel 25:17

By Ezekiel 25:17,
in GF - General Forum

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milky
milky

Girl in work was measuring for curtains the other day. She couldn't find the tape measure, so improvised. She came up with 'around 100 metres ' length window.   Upon query of the world record size w

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Scottish Steve
Scottish Steve

I was waiting in the car outside the co-op for my wife. After a bit she comes racing out looking all harassed and tells me she's had her purse stolen. Reckoned there was a dodgy guy in the queue behin

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Champ Grand Master

Champ

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Cunting woman, directions and a complete lack of logic.

She's on a development day today out past Bristol airport, doesn't have a fucking clue how to get there but doesn't want me to tell her the quickest route, she's looked at a map and knows what she's doing.

My suggestion last night of making sure she had the postcode and to use the sat nav as a back up is met with an icey stare.

I get a call from her half hour ago in floods of tears, the map and sat nav 'are telling lies'. She's got completely fucking lost, has no idea where she is and has gone so badly wrong she's lost any 3G for the sat nav.

I get her to describe to me where she is, tell her I know where she is, to stop panicking and I can direct her home.

She eventually calms down when I send her actually towards Bristol and she can see she's driving towards street lights again and realises she'd been driving in the exact opposite direction she should have been.

Then she starts to get fucking cocky telling me she doesn't want to go the way I'm sending her. 'There's loads of traffic' she argues.

Of course there is you stupid fucking bitch, it's rush hour in Bristol.

The following conversation then takes place;

Her: But I don't want to go the way you're telling me.

Me: Go your way then.

Her: I don't know where I am.

Me: So shut the fuck up and go the way I tell you.

Her: I wanted to go through Brislington.

Me: Why? It's 40 minutes out the fucking way.

Her: But I know that way.

Me: Then fucking go that way.

Her: I don't know how to get there.

Me: You want me to direct you 40 minutes out of the way you should be going so you can then come home your way and not have to listen to me?

Her: I prefer that way.

Me: Then fucking learn it.

I'm out with the dog, walking him to her brothers and he's pissing himself laughing. Got a text from him saying 'got a crate of thatchers in, stay here the night with the dog and go home tomorrow. I'm scared if you go back tonight you'll call the wedding off and I'll be fucking stuck with her'.

Fixed that for you

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manwiththestick Grand Master

manwiththestick

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Accidentally left me phone on the bed this morning and went to work without it. Came home tonight and she's sat im the kitchen and asks if I knew I'd left my phone and that she put it on my bedside cabinet.

 

Goes upstairs, picks it up and I have two text messages of her, first one about mid morning asking me to pick up milk on the way home, the next one at lunch asking to get cat food also.

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Trumo Grand Master

Trumo

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Put the Storyville - Lance Armstrong documentary on to watch in bed last night, showed her the programme synopsis beforehand and asked her if she wanted to watch it. She said yeah, OK. After ten minutes of watching him ride around on bikes she turned round and said to me "I thought he was an astronaut."

 

As Tony once said in White Men Can't Jump, "Yer ma's an astronaut!"

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Evelyn Tentions Grand Master

Evelyn Tentions

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I was reading a techie forum thread about robot vacuum cleaners when I came across this

"My elderly mum was visiting for Christmas.Robot vac was parked in the hall on it's charger.

Mum comes back to the dinner table and says; "I like the fancy scales in your hallway but they don't work."'

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Trumo Grand Master

Trumo

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Yep. Bigbak will have to put up with all that crying and screaming, the random tantrums, the occasional laugh, the indecision, the obliviousness to most things around them, the attention seeking, the babbling without making any sense, etc etc...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And then there's the baby to worry about.

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