The world of a woman.

[Fowlers God]

We are going away on holiday on Saturday. This morning at 0600 as I was getting ready for work when I can't find my wash bag.

 

And I'm the cunt for waking her up to find it when she's packed it at the bottom of a bag that had 3 hoddles on top.

 

"Do you're own fucking packing in future"

 

 

No you stupid Bint just don't pack my wash bag 4 days before we go away FFS

[Curly]

she's packed it at the bottom of a bag that had 3 hoddles on top

Glenn?

[Red_or_Dead]

We are going away on holiday on Saturday. This morning at 0600 as I was getting ready for work when I can't find my wash bag.

 

And I'm the cunt for waking her up to find it when she's packed it at the bottom of a bag that had 3 hoddles on top.

 

"Do you're own fucking packing in future"

 

 

No you stupid Bint just don't pack my wash bag 4 days before we go away FFS

Another one of your kids?

[Trumo]

FG at around 0600 this morning:

 

 

"How queer! Where's me wash bag, eh, eh?"

[scudger99]

I'm fucking glad that's in black and white.  I don't even want to imagine the colour scheme on that suit at this time of the morning.

[Harry Squatter]

Took my daughter to a birtgday party at some place called Laser Quest. Got there about ten minutes late but there were only a few kids there. I asked the girls nan why there were hardly any kids there.

 

She said that the dad had paid about 400 quid for the party and asked the mum who he is separated from to give out the invites to her classmates but only decides to tell him.last night that she couldn't be arsed handing them out at school. He manages to get hold of some of the kids parents through various acquaintances but only 5 made it.

 

Petty bitch would rather see her daughter miserable on her birthday just so she can see her ex basically waste £400.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Took my daughter to a birtgday party at some place called Laser Quest. Got there about ten minutes late but there were only a few kids there. I asked the girls nan why there were hardly any kids there.

 

She said that the dad had paid about 400 quid for the party and asked the mum who he is separated from to give out the invites to her classmates but only decides to tell him.last night that she couldn't be arsed handing them out at school. He manages to get hold of some of the kids parents through various acquaintances but only 5 made it.

 

Petty bitch would rather see her daughter miserable on her birthday just so she can see her ex basically waste £400.

 

That's why she's an ex, what a fucking cow. No doubt she was far to busy on faceache posting and liking shite to give a damn about her daughter. 

[Stouffer]

People are capable of being total wankers at times.

[Mook]

What an intergalactic cunt.

[Barrington Womble]

We are going away on holiday on Saturday. This morning at 0600 as I was getting ready for work when I can't find my wash bag.

 

And I'm the cunt for waking her up to find it when she's packed it at the bottom of a bag that had 3 hoddles on top.

 

"Do you're own fucking packing in future"

 

 

No you stupid Bint just don't pack my wash bag 4 days before we go away FFS

To be fair, I'm with your missus on this one. Never let your bird near your stuff or packing. Of course she's going to do something mental, it's what they do. Play safe and say "no worries love, I'll do it all myself".

[Paulie Dangerously]

They're mental. If some scruff fella of one of their mates was accused of being abusive they want him hung drawn and quartered without hearing the full story.

 

But Johnny Depp? They're twisting themselves in knots to absolve him. His missus was a slut, she did abuse themed photoshops, she had it coming, she shouldn't have put herself in that situation.

 

Christ blokes get shit for "victim blaming" women but they are the absolute worst.

[Anubis]

The fact it isn't now 30 degrees in our office and the air con only does cold now has resulted in hot water bottles, actual hot water bottles, being deployed by the women in our work.

We don't have air conditioning, only a small window to open. It doesn't stop one of the secretaries having one of those portable heaters that look like a fire hazard waiting to happen.

[Anubis]

Took my daughter to a birtgday party at some place called Laser Quest. Got there about ten minutes late but there were only a few kids there. I asked the girls nan why there were hardly any kids there.

 

She said that the dad had paid about 400 quid for the party and asked the mum who he is separated from to give out the invites to her classmates but only decides to tell him.last night that she couldn't be arsed handing them out at school. He manages to get hold of some of the kids parents through various acquaintances but only 5 made it.

 

Petty bitch would rather see her daughter miserable on her birthday just so she can see her ex basically waste £400.

That's fucking reprehensible. Schoolboy error on his part, though. He should have given them directly to his daughter to hand out.

[Elite]

That's fucking reprehensible. Schoolboy error on his part, though. He should have given them directly to his daughter to hand out.

True but even so that woman is an absolute cunt, she can't put her feelings aside for the sake of her own daughter. Horrible bitch.

[Sugar Ape]

Wife: I bought some luggage weighing scales yesterday.

 

Me: Oh, ok.

 

* ten second pause *

 

Wife: You use them to weigh luggage.

 

 

Yeah, thanks for clarifying that. I was just about to use them to cut the grass.

[Ian Sea]

Park I think the word your looking for is abandoned Col

I kind of like that. Fuck the rules.

[Barrington Womble]

They're mental. If some scruff fella of one of their mates was accused of being abusive they want him hung drawn and quartered without hearing the full story.

 

But Johnny Depp? They're twisting themselves in knots to absolve him. His missus was a slut, she did abuse themed photoshops, she had it coming, she shouldn't have put herself in that situation.

 

Christ blokes get shit for "victim blaming" women but they are the absolute worst.

It's the same if you eye them up. Some model or Johnny Depp type stares at them, they're flattered. A scruffy middle aged fat bloke does it, he's sleazy.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Their boyfriend jumps out from behind them and sticks his hand down their pants, it's passionate, spontaneous.

 

When I do it though...

[Herp McDerp]

It's the same if you eye them up. Some model or Johnny Depp type stares at them, they're flattered. A scruffy middle aged fat bloke does it, he's sleazy.

 

I worked in the finance industry a couple of years back, the number of gender equality/men are twats/women earn less/domestic violence is a blight "awareness" events we had was well into double figures yearly. The three dickheads who were in charge of organising most of these events were up in arms last year when Chris Brown was denied a visa to Australia, you know on account of him having battered a woman senseless.

 

All professionals by the way, two of them were mothers too. I can't even... 

[Fowlers God]

To be fair, I'm with your missus on this one. Never let your bird near your stuff or packing. Of course she's going to do something mental, it's what they do. Play safe and say "no worries love, I'll do it all myself".

Agree chap. Wish I had now.

 

Arrived yesterday- day 2 today and unpacking bag. I have 3 t shirts.

 

We're here for a week

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Why would you let someone else pack for you? Maybe I've never been in a long enough term relationship, but it takes 15 mins and I like to know what I'm going to have in my bag instead of a lucky dip.

[Dr Nowt]

Relationship holiday packing for dummies:

 

Insist everything goes in 3 separate bags; her stuff, your stuff, stuff for both of you.

 

Stay well away from her stuff, except to weigh it once it's all in her case.

 

Inspect what she's intending to take for both of you for omissions and lunacy (no my petal, we don't need to take the microwave or your exercise bike), then weigh this as well once it's all in the joint case.

 

Select everything you're taking for yourself like an adult, place it in a neat pile.

 

NB: this will ultimately need to be weighed too, once bagged (case not necessary). You'll then have all 3 figures handy in your back pocket, so everyone else will see you loudly winning any check-in desk arguments about what each person has respectively taken. Whatever breaching your airline's luggage allowance costs you, this will make it feel like the best value for money item of the entire holiday.

 

Now, graciously allow her to pack your stuff, strictly supervising if in a relationship with the sort of weirdo who starts trying to deselect your choices for you.

 

This serves her innate need to feel she's in charge of the entire process, while neatly ensuring you don't get to walk about on your holiday dressed as though a malevolent sky god is controlling you by strings as his private fucking jester.

 

The joint stuff and and her personal stuff always magically packs itself, so just spend the time left over pouring yourself a stiff drink. It's best now to take on as much alcohol as possible to soothe shredded nerves before the overwhelming sense of dread becomes too set in.

[Jairzinho]

Buzzing about your holiday, mate?

[Dr Nowt]

Ha. I am actually, mine's the least high maintenance lass I know.

 

I have however never been on holiday with any woman, no matter how sound and laid-back at all other times, who doesn't get that officious zeal in their eyes the moment an opportunity to organise and execute getting from A to B rears it's head.

 

I've spent many years refining the best way to smugly annoy the absolute fuck out of them by way of revenge, without sabotaging myself. In fairness it didn't need a lot of work.

[Captain Turdseye]

I get all my stuff out beforehand, leave it on the bed for her to iron and pack into my bag. Then she'll run the iron over it again daily as it comes out of the bag because she knows the creases annoy me. Some of you need to get a grip of your women.