The world of a woman.

[lifetime fan]

I'll be travelling alone at this rate.

[lifetime fan]

She'll be packed under the fucking decking.

[Rico1304]

I'm only in Bourton, could there in no time.

[lifetime fan]

18:35 Gatwick.

[Rico1304]

Done!

[Alan Sex]

You might be walking through the airport funny but at least you're travelling tight.

Subtle, but important correction.

[Lee909]

[tokyojoe]

Her Indoors is very intelligent, with letters after her name. Unfortunately while she's been off sick for over a year now she has taken to watch utter fucking garbage on TV.

 

The one that really takes the biscuit is 'THe Real Brainless Bimbos of Beverly Hills'. It makes Footballers Wives look cultured and sophisticated like the Bolshoi Ballet.

 

Why oh why do wimmin watch such utter fucking shite?

[Paulie Dangerously]

Me: Have you seen my headphones?

Lady D: Nope

Me: Could you actually have a think though, like I do when I'm looking for your phone or purse or bag which you've lost?  Have a think if you've seen them

LD: No I haven't

Me: They were in the kitchen when you were tidying up before, did you put them in a drawer maybe?  Just think rather than instantly dismiss it

LD: I haven't seen them. 

 

They were in the the box on the side where we keep the onions. 

[Tony Moanero]

.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Me: Have you seen my headphones?

Lady D: Nope

Me: Could you actually have a think though, like I do when I'm looking for your phone or purse or bag which you've lost?  Have a think if you've seen them

LD: No I haven't

Me: They were in the kitchen when you were tidying up before, did you put them in a drawer maybe?  Just think rather than instantly dismiss it

LD: I haven't seen them. 

 

They were in the the box on the side where we keep the onions. 

 

It was probably you that put them there, with your PENIS

[bigbak]

Me: Have you seen my headphones?

Lady D: Nope

Me: Could you actually have a think though, like I do when I'm looking for your phone or purse or bag which you've lost?  Have a think if you've seen them

LD: No I haven't

Me: They were in the kitchen when you were tidying up before, did you put them in a drawer maybe?  Just think rather than instantly dismiss it

LD: I haven't seen them. 

 

They were in the the box on the side where we keep the onions. 

 

Annoys the shit out of me.

 

I like hiding her stuff to see if she'll realise.  She doesn't until I've forgotten where I hid them.

 

Wasn't good when I'd forgotten where I put her passport and she was looking for it the night before she went back to Poland.

Luckily I found it.  Then remembered I'd hidden it.  Kept that to myself.

[Paulie Dangerously]

It was probably you that put them there, with your PENIS

 

Most likely

 

Annoys the shit out of me.

 

I like hiding her stuff to see if she'll realise.  She doesn't until I've forgotten where I hid them.

 

Wasn't good when I'd forgotten where I put her passport and she was looking for it the night before she went back to Poland.

Luckily I found it.  Then remembered I'd hidden it.  Kept that to myself.

 

Don't actually think it was intentional it was probably just a "something on table, table needs to be clear, put item in place with relevant space available" and it ended up being the onion box.  

[VladimirIlyich]

Annoys the shit out of me.

 

I like hiding her stuff to see if she'll realise. She doesn't until I've forgotten where I hid them.

 

Wasn't good when I'd forgotten where I put her passport and she was looking for it the night before she went back to Poland.

Luckily I found it. Then remembered I'd hidden it. Kept that to myself.

Bloody Poles coming over here stealing our passports.

[littletedwest]

Mrs is having an operation on her nose at end of the month due to sinus issues. She was joking that it was a nose job to her sons Mrs. I said "if it was cosmetic I'd ask them look at them spaniels ears" to be fair she laughed.

Went pub that night with her son and his Mrs when she says "what's wrong with your ears again?"

[bigbak]

Mrs is having an operation on her nose at end of the month due to sinus issues. She was joking that it was a nose job to her sons Mrs. I said "if it was cosmetic I'd ask them look at them spaniels ears" to be fair she laughed.

Went pub that night with her son and his Mrs when she says "what's wrong with your ears again?"

 

Nasty operation with marginal success rate.

An ex had it years ago, so it may have changed.  She came out looking like she'd been beaten up.  They had trouble stopping the blood flow.  Didn't work.

 

Make sure she's not wearing anything synthetic or the laser might arc.

[Mook]

My boss this morning on the phone to a client, "I'm a bear with a sore head.".

[Champ]

Annoys the shit out of me.

 

I like hiding her stuff to see if she'll realise.  She doesn't until I've forgotten where I hid them.

 

Wasn't good when I'd forgotten where I put her passport and she was looking for it the night before she went back to Poland.

Luckily I found it.  Then remembered I'd hidden it.  Kept that to myself.

Do you let her go out on her own?

[bigbak]

Do you let her go out on her own?

 

Not sure what you're hinting at.  I just got my own back for hiding all my shit.

It was in a drawer she "tidies up" into all the time that's brimming over.

 

She went to Poland with the boy for a month to stay with her parents

She has the car during the day and can go wherever she wants.

She gets "me time" at the weekend while I look after the boy.

 

I don't get to ever go anywhere.

[Champ]

Not sure what you're hinting at.  I just got my own back for hiding all my shit.

It was in a drawer she "tidies up" into all the time that's brimming over.

 

She went to Poland with the boy for a month to stay with her parents

She has the car during the day and can go wherever she wants.

She gets "me time" at the weekend while I look after the boy.

 

I don't get to ever go anywhere.

It didn't read very well, put it that way

[Harry Squatter]

Bought her Dad 70 quids worth of tobacco from duty free and I owe him a tenner because he gave me 80 quid before we came away.

 

She tells me this morning that half of it was for my sister in law which never got mentioned prior to the holiday.

 

She then comes up with some bizarre theory that her sister owes us 35 quid and that she will pay us it back at the end of the month. I just said let her and her dad sort it out between themselves as originally the tobacco was for her dad and no one else. There is no need for us to get involved in some agreement between two other people.

 

Now I'm an awkward twat because I won't go along with some stupid idea that would see me out of pocket until February.

[tokyojoe]

Bought her Dad 70 quids worth of tobacco from duty free and I owe him a tenner because he gave me 80 quid before we came away.

 

She tells me this morning that half of it was for my sister in law which never got mentioned prior to the holiday.

 

She then comes up with some bizarre theory that her sister owes us 35 quid and that she will pay us it back at the end of the month. I just said let her and her dad sort it out between themselves as originally the tobacco was for her dad and no one else. There is no need for us to get involved in some agreement between two other people.

 

Now I'm an awkward twat because I won't go along with some stupid idea that would see me out of pocket until February.

It'll probably see you out of pocket longer than that mate.

[Mook]

The hot bird in my work spoke to me today, it's the first time we've spoken since she caught me checking out her arse about two years ago & she used the occasion to explain to me why the funding for their tuck shop thing had gone into their Christmas party fund instead.

 

I've concluded that I'm going to have to have another good look at her arse so I don't have to speak to her again until 2019.

[Dougie Do'ins]

The hot bird in my work spoke to me today, it's the first time we've spoken since she caught me checking out her arse about two years ago & she used the occasion to explain to me why the funding for their tuck shop thing had gone into their Christmas party fund instead.

 

I've concluded that I'm going to have to have another good look at her arse so I don't have to speak to her again until 2019.

You should give her a look at your knob just to even the scores.

[Mook]

You should give her a look at your knob just to even the scores.

 

Unfortunately my knob isn't quite as impressive as her arse is.