The world of a woman.

[moof]

I don't like to mention it but I'm actually clairvoyant

My cards have shown me that you shouldn't worry too much about next year, Moof

Oh fuck. That sounds ominous.

 

Do you have a premium phone line I could call for reassurance?

[Dr Nowt]

No cause for alarm moof, but tell your missus to get a gift receipt on anything she buys you for Xmas.

[moof]

No cause for alarm moof, but tell your missus to get a gift receipt on anything she buys you for Xmas.

That won't be necessary, mate. I'm not sure you can return butt plugs after they've been used.

 

Proper shaken up by all this. It's mad because I actually WAS worrying about next year. How could he have possibly known? Spooky

[Guest Pistonbroke]

[sir roger]

Unusually for the Echo they have an amusing item in the Sunday version called ' Mystic Reg ' who basically just takes the piss out of the horoscopes that you normally see in other papers & ends each star sign with some random item like ' Your lucky ancient weapon is Arquebus '

[mattyq]

Oh fuck. That sounds ominous.

 

Do you have a premium phone line I could call for reassurance?

Yeah, but use it in the next few weeks

And don't forget the lube with your butt plug

Ruptured ring pieces can turn septic

[Alan Sex]

Yeah, but use it in the next few weeks

And don't forget the lube with your butt plug

Ruptured ring pieces can turn septic

Septic? Stay positive. Free lube.

[Furmedge]

Was in town today. She decided the other night she wanted a ring from Pandora for Christmas off me. Gets there at 9am and the queue is off the scale already. Queued up for 40 minutes and just as we get to the door she decides she doesn't want anything and wants to go to another jeweller. So that's 40 mins wasted, heads into three more jewellers and she picks a ring. Only 6 times more expensive than the Pandora one isn't it? She looks at my face, gets a shit on and then decides she doesn't want it. I pointed out to her that we had agreed to keep it fairly low key between us present wise and blow all the money on the kids. I also point out to her that my Christmas present is a £30 ticket for a concert and she wants me to blow over £500 on a ring that she admits she's not sure she likes that much but suits her wedding band and engagement ring.

 

After much face pulling she says she actually wants to go into Pandora again. We queue for another 45 minutes and she finds a ring that she loves apparently. It's 2pm by this time, we could have been done and dusted by 10am.

[Furmedge]

Watching that 70s programme on Channel 4 and a clip for 'Confessions of a window cleaner' comes on;

 

Me - Cherie Blair's dad was in them.

Her - Tony Benn?

Me - No.

Her - Tony Blair?

[Rushies tash]

Ha Ha, she's doing well today mate!

 

Hope you've got a drink in your hand right now.

[Mook]

I've just come back into work today after a few days off & due to changes in my train timetable I'm now getting into the office at 8:40am rather than 8:55. Fucking hell, before I'd even sat down I'd had a run down of half the stuff that had happened last week & then this went on along with a load of other shite until about 9:25. You'd think the fact that I wasn't responding, didn't look remotely interested & was typing away would put her off but no, on & on she fucking went. Some people never get fed up with the sound of their own voice, do they?

 

Apparently her daughter turned up pished to the works Christmas party on Friday night & was trying to get my mate to dance with her, he said she looks exactly like my boss minus 25 years (*shudders) so he told her to bolt. Some bloke groped my boss as well, there are some right sick bastards going about.

[cloggypop]

Mook is jealous

[Mook]

I can quite easily replicate groping my boss by sticking my hand into a bean bag anytime I fancy.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Mook is jealous

 

He's in for the mother and daughter routine if he wants it. 

[setreal]

Smash her lad

[lifetime fan]

I've just come back into work today after a few days off & due to changes in my train timetable I'm now getting into the office at 8:40am rather than 8:55. Fucking hell, before I'd even sat down I'd had a run down of half the stuff that had happened last week & then this went on along with a load of other shite until about 9:25. You'd think the fact that I wasn't responding, didn't look remotely interested & was typing away would put her off but no, on & on she fucking went. Some people never get fed up with the sound of their own voice, do they?

 

Apparently her daughter turned up pished to the works Christmas party on Friday night & was trying to get my mate to dance with her, he said she looks exactly like my boss minus 25 years (*shudders) so he told her to bolt. Some bloke groped my boss as well, there are some right sick bastards going about.

Just turn up late!

[General Dryness]

I can quite easily replicate groping my boss by sticking my hand into a bean bag anytime I fancy.

The gentleman doth protest too much.

 

We know you're planning to hunt down the villain that groped her and kill him like a dog in the street.

[lifetime fan]

Why the fuck is "sorry I'm on my period" even remotely an excuse for being cuntzilla?

[Stouffer]

Daisy has just started wrapping some presents and couldn't find where she'd put the gift tags; we both searched all over and couldn't find them anywhere.

 

The only place we hadn't looked was inside the present that had just been wrapped; which is where they were.

 

What a present that would've been; a tshirt; toy monster truck and some chrimbo gift tags.

[Anny Road]

Why the fuck is "sorry I'm on my period" even remotely an excuse for being cuntzilla?

Thats because you are a man and will never understand.

[lifetime fan]

Thats because you are a man and will never understand.

Not with this bitch, no.

 

And I'd worry about myself if I ever did understand her.

[Anny Road]

Sorry I meant say that in a female voice. ***adopts female voice*****''' You are horrible stop it''

[lifetime fan]

We've an internal flight whilst away so our 'big' cases can only be 22kg plus one piece of hand luggage each.

 

She's packed two cases more full than when we moved to Dubai, has two wheelie cases and has then said we need to pack this!

 

 

 

At the moment I'm travelling with a tube of toothpaste and a buttplug.

[Hand Shandy]

Toothpaste in pocket, buttplug in that 'special' place?

[Trumo]

At the moment I'm travelling with a tube of toothpaste and a buttplug.

 

You might be walking through the airport funny but at least you're travelling light.