The world of a woman.

[Bob]

In all seriousness, enjoy it while you can because it looks a bit like she's going to retire in March.

 

Never mind, I shall keep a picture of her in my wallet & wank over it in the bogs on my lunch break.

 

[lifetime fan]

In all seriousness, enjoy it while you can because it looks a bit like she's going to retire in March.

 

Never mind, I shall keep a picture of her in my wallet & treasure it with all my heart.

 

I've done worse.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Leccy has gone off twice in our work this morning being overloaded.

 

About 4 people, whose Gender I will leave it up to you lot to decipher, have their own personal little Halogen heaters by their desks.  This is on top of a pretty top notch heating system which keeps the office at a temperature most normal people would describe as "normal to warm"

 

They're about to be told they can't have the heater on until the spark arrives to look at the building.  WW3 is on the horizon. 

[bigbak]

Leccy has gone off twice in our work this morning being overloaded.

 

About 4 people, whose Gender I will leave it up to you lot to decipher, have their own personal little Halogen heaters by their desks.  This is on top of a pretty top notch heating system which keeps the office at a temperature most normal people would describe as "normal to warm"

 

They're about to be told they can't have the heater on until the spark arrives to look at the building.  WW3 is on the horizon. 

 

I used to work installing security software....

 

One lady phoned up to tell me there had been a power cut and the software had stopped working.

I told her it wouldn't work without power.

She argued that they had a UPS to keep it running. To which I told it would only last a while and was intended to allow them to shut things down.

Her reply was they'd managed to boil a kettle using it before it ran out of power, but not shut things down.

 

Same company, different locaiton:

The calls weren't being logged automatically and guards were complaining they couldn't get through.

I asked her to try plugging another phone in to where the modem was to see if the line was working,

Phone went dead as she unplugged the phone we were speaking on to try it out despite being surrounded by phones.

It took a while for her to realise and plug it in so I could ring her back on that number.

[lifetime fan]

Talking about both our works chr*stm*s parties last night.

 

Her: I'm going to stay at Grants tomorrow night as you won't be able to pick me up, a taxi will be too expensive and I don't want to commit to having to leave at 11 o'clock for the last train if I'm having a good time.

 

Me: That sounds sensible.

 

Her: Are you not jealous?

 

Me: No. Am I supposed to be?

 

Her: Whatever. When's yours, what you doing?

 

Me: We're going to some shit hotel for a meal with free booze from 7:30 till midnight.

 

Her: Well I'm not happy about that. You could get pissed, book a room and shag that pretty girl you work with.

 

Me: Oh fuck off love, I don't even want to go and you're picking me up at midnight! Might be a bit obvious if I'm not there don't you think.

 

Her: Don't get in a strop and pissy with me because you're jealous I'm staying at Grants.

 

 

I just had to walk out laughing. You can't reason with that level of batshit crazy.

[General Dryness]

I've done worse.

 

You are worse.

 

Seriously though, Mook mate you've got to get us an actual picture of this woman. I'm a big Fraggle Rock fan*.

 

 

 

*This might not be true.

[bigbak]

Talking about both our works chr*stm*s parties last night.

 

Her: I'm going to stay at Grants tomorrow night as you won't be able to pick me up, a taxi will be too expensive and I don't want to commit to having to leave at 11 o'clock for the last train if I'm having a good time.

 

Me: That sounds sensible.

 

Her: Are you not jealous?

 

Me: No. Am I supposed to be?

 

Her: Whatever. When's yours, what you doing?

 

Me: We're going to some shit hotel for a meal with free booze from 7:30 till midnight.

 

Her: Well I'm not happy about that. You could get pissed, book a room and shag that pretty girl you work with.

 

Me: Oh fuck off love, I don't even want to go and you're picking me up at midnight! Might be a bit obvious if I'm not there don't you think.

 

Her: Don't get in a strop and pissy with me because you're jealous I'm staying at Grants.

 

 

I just had to walk out laughing. You can't reason with that level of batshit crazy.

 

I think she'd already planned the argument in advance and was reading off cue cards.  She forgot you weren't jealous and read it out anyway.

 

No idea why we have to be jealous.  I'm accused of not loving her enough if I don't get jealous.

[lifetime fan]

Like jealousy would ever stop someone cheating.

 

If anything it would make me far more likely to cheat!

[lifetime fan]

As I walked off laughing I might have muttered under my breath "there's 3 pretty girls I work with that are worth a fuck".

[Mook]

My missus is doing my fucking head in, went for my work Christmas meal yesterday, got half cut but was home for tea and put the bairn to bed while she went to visit our new nephew in the hospital. I got it tight all night and she's still whinging this morning, I've just told her to fuck off.

 

The only thing stopping me going to the pub is the fact it's our Son's first birthday today, lovely atmosphere for him now too.

 

Why are they all nagging, moany faced bastards?

[Trumo]

I think she'd already planned the argument in advance and was reading off cue cards.  She forgot you weren't jealous and read it out anyway.

 

They make the unbelievable believable so things like this are highly plausible.

[lifetime fan]

My missus is doing my fucking head in, went for my work Christmas meal yesterday, got half cut but was home for tea and put the bairn to bed while she went to visit our new nephew in the hospital. I got it tight all night and she's still whinging this morning, I've just told her to fuck off.

 

The only thing stopping me going to the pub is the fact it's our Son's first birthday today, lovely atmosphere for him now too.

 

Why are they all nagging, moany faced bastards?

Ask her if the painters are in.

 

That always helps them calm down and see reason in my experience.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Lady D was never the jealous type but earlier on this year some tart I used to work with decided to use me as a tool to wind up her fella who promptly got in touch with Lady D via Facebook (fucking Facebook) regurgitating some fabrication to her when she was out of the country.  Since then it's reared it's ugly head a few times.  I've done the sensible thing and simply cut contact with that group because lady D is more important to me.  If nothing else it's taught me to never share a taxi with someone on your route home and however decent you are there's always some psycho shit stirring liar out there hoping to ruin another woman's life. 

[Captain Turdseye]

I've had to apologise every morning this week for being a bastard in her dreams. I was lying awake the other morning and she was talking in her sleep. She said "What are you gonna do about child support?". I turned over chuckling and replied "I'm not giving you any" so she let out a little wail and said "But I want you to staaaay".

[lifetime fan]

I've had to apologise every morning this week for being a bastard in her dreams. I was lying awake the other morning and she was talking in her sleep. She said "What are you gonna do about child support?". I turned over chuckling and replied "I'm not giving you any" so she let out a little wail and said "But I want you to staaaay".

That's possibly the greatest ever post on here.

 

It's right up with 'where's my book'?

[Hand Shandy]

Should've have recorded it...

[General Dryness]

My missus is doing my fucking head in, went for my work Christmas meal yesterday, got half cut but was home for tea and put the bairn to bed while she went to visit our new nephew in the hospital. I got it tight all night and she's still whinging this morning, I've just told her to fuck off.

 

The only thing stopping me going to the pub is the fact it's our Son's first birthday today, lovely atmosphere for him now too.

 

Why are they all nagging, moany faced bastards?

I don't know what's wrong with today's Scotsmen.

 

Wouldn't have caught Trevor putting up with any of that shite from Little Mo.

[Jose Jones]

My missus is doing my fucking head in, went for my work Christmas meal yesterday, got half cut but was home for tea and put the bairn to bed while she went to visit our new nephew in the hospital. I got it tight all night and she's still whinging this morning, I've just told her to fuck off.

 

The only thing stopping me going to the pub is the fact it's our Son's first birthday today, lovely atmosphere for him now too.

 

Why are they all nagging, moany faced bastards?

It's natural behaviour. She's just welped your heir and needs to protect her place as number one wife. You being out, potentially having fun, is a threat to that as other females could be showing you their tail feathers in a most beguiling way, and she isn't there to mark her territory.

[Champ]

My missus is doing my fucking head in, went for my work Christmas meal yesterday, got half cut but was home for tea and put the bairn to bed while she went to visit our new nephew in the hospital. I got it tight all night and she's still whinging this morning, I've just told her to fuck off.

 

The only thing stopping me going to the pub is the fact it's our Son's first birthday today, lovely atmosphere for him now too.

 

Why are they all nagging, moany faced bastards?

Oh, Mook, tell me you're just making this up to entertain your internet chums. I had you down as a sensible couple.

 

Oh and its taxing enough keeping up with you lot so don't be thinking I'm doing birthday threads your kids now!

[Champ]

Happy Birthday Master Mook x

[Mook]

Oh, Mook, tell me you're just making this up to entertain your internet chums. I had you down as a sensible couple.

 

Oh and its taxing enough keeping up with you lot so don't be thinking I'm doing birthday threads your kids now!

We never usually argue and me telling her to fuck off seemed to clear the air so all good.

 

And the wee man says thanks.

[Champ]

We never usually argue and me telling her to fuck off seemed to clear the air so all good.

 

And the wee man says thanks.

I'd have left you

[Mook]

I'd have left you

Ha ha, they usually do.

[lifetime fan]

I'd have left you

You'd have deserved to be single with that kind of behaviour.

[Champ]

Yeah, Mook, what were you being accused of?