The world of a woman.

[VladimirIlyich]

The missus decided to re-arrange the kitchen cupboards yesterday, fuck knows why. Anyway, I stupidly decided not to ask for the tour last night, got up this morning & the one thing I need every day (the sick box with the hayfever pills & cold stuff) was nowhere to be seen, I searched through every cupboard for it before deciding to go & wake her up, she'd put it on top of the wall mounted cupboards, away at the back so Peter fucking Crouch wouldn't have clocked it. I needed a fucking chair to get up to the thing.

 

Why, why the fuck would she put the one thing I need every single morning in the one place I would never find it.

 

Fucking women.

They put it in a 'safe' place,so safe you cannot find it.

[Harry Squatter]

Went off my head last night because I couldn't find my phone. She starts calling me dozy for losing it yet I left it on the side of the couch. She comes back from the shops and I notice that she had left her phone on the couch. Dozy bitch took my phone to the shops but instead of taking g it into the shops with her she just leaves it on the front seat. Any cunt could have smashed the window in and took my phone which should never have been there in the first place. No apology or nothing.

 

She also lost our polling cards for tomorrow and blamed me for leaving them lying round. She hasn't got a clue where they are so I've been guilt tripping her saying she has stopped me voting. I will text her today about 4.00 saying we don't need them but it will be fun knowing she's tearing the house apart looking for them all day.

[Trumo]

She knows about the ginger bird on the train.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I spend half my life looking for my Missus' phone/anything she's lost

 

But the second I say "Have you seen me..." I need to keep closer tabs on my things and shouldn't be so careless

[Hand Shandy]

I spend half my life looking for my Missus' phone/anything she's lost

 

But the second I say "Have you seen me..." I need to keep closer tabs on my things and shouldn't be so careless

This. This with bells on.

[bigbak]

They put it in a 'safe' place,so safe you cannot find it.

 

Or remember where she put it.

 

I "tidy" her stuff up in revenge.

[Total Longo]

She came out with another classic this morning:-

 

"You know that old saying, 'I can't make pigs fly'."

 

Nope, sorry, don't know that one.

 

We went to Ikea at the weekend and all the way around my Mrs was looking for "Chester draws"

 

I didn't have the heart to tell her that it was a Fast Show character.

[ZonkoVille77]

Yesterday she wanted to do a household budget so she could see where we could trim our spending. Fucking brilliant I thought and for once she might see where the money goes.

Then she tells me it's been ages since she used Excel so might have to leave it. I asked her what did she need excel for, did people only start making budgets in 1985? She said it's because Excel has the benefit of adding everything up automatically..... I fucking lost it after that.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Forgot about this.

 

Got a fathers day card off my toddler with a book mark in it because I read so much

 

On my kindle.

[General Dryness]

Forgot about this.

 

Got a fathers day card off my toddler with a book mark in it because I read so much

 

On my kindle.

I suggest a good long chat with the child, and the threat of a thrashing with a knotted rope if standards aren't raised next time.

[Bjornebye]

Horrible fuckers 90% of them.

[Curly]

Horrible fuckers 90% of them.

Kids or women?

[Bjornebye]

Women.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Forgot about this.

 

Got a fathers day card off my toddler with a book mark in it because I read so much

 

On my kindle.

 

 

Was telling my old man who pissed himself and reminded me of the time one of my ma's mates got him a bookmark too because he reads a lot...off a kindle. 

[Nunavut Patrick]

Horrible fuckers 90% of them.

90%???

 

There is aboot 23 sound women in the World.

[Mook]

90%???

 

There is aboot 23 sound women in the World.

 

I know men are meant to exaggerate a bit but that's fucking ridiculous.

 

There's about 8.

[Mook]

My boss this morning, "Do you know that Chinese Supermarket on the Southside?"

 

Me, "Yes."

 

Her, "Do you think they'll sell those Japanese tea pots?"

 

Me, ".................................."

[General Dryness]

You need a change of job Mook.

 

It's only a matter of time before her massive levels of stupid cause your brain to decay to her level. She's like chernobyl and fukushima combined, only with stupid instead of radiation.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

It's too late. Mooks now forgotten how to use a computer.

[Mook]

I don't know why she bothers, her just now, "You're off on Monday aren't you, Mook, doing anything nice?"

 

Me, "Not really, just spending time at home."

 

Her, "Is there F**tball on, on Sunday?"

 

Me, "Yes."

 

Her, "Let me guess, Liverpool?"

 

Just fucking stop talking you stupid twat.

[Dougie Do'ins]

My boss this morning, "Do you know that Chinese Supermarket on the Southside?"

 

Me, "Yes."

 

Her, "Do you think they'll sell those Japanese tea pots?"

 

Me, ".................................."

I'd love to do a week of work experience in your place Mook. How the fuck did you no fall on the floor laughing ?

[Mook]

I'd love to do a week of work experience in your place Mook. How the fuck did you no fall on the floor laughing ?

 

Thankfully I'm hiding behind my monitor so she can't see my face, that one did make me laugh.

 

A week would be hilarious, six years is starting to feel a bit One flew over the cuckoo's nest though.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

I don't know why she bothers, her just now, "You're off on Monday aren't you, Mook, doing anything nice?"

 

Me, "Not really, just spending time at home."

 

Her, "Is there F**tball on, on Sunday?"

 

Me, "Yes."

 

Her, "Let me guess, Liverpool?"

 

Just fucking stop talking you stupid twat.

 

Give her the bumming she clearly desires. Just don't wash your cock for the fortnight leading up to it. Then she'll leave you alone.

[Harry Squatter]

Looking for my son's school pants the other day and put a spare pair in his bag before he got picked up.for school. She pulls them out the bag moaning at me that they are too small for him and I should be aware of this.

 

This is despite the fact that she washed, dried and ironed these pants then put them in his wardrobe.

[Dougie Do'ins]

Oh dear.

 

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