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Other football - 2017/18 edition.

Trumo

By Trumo,
in FF - Football Forum

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Luis Garcia trolling Mourinho again:

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Probably and there won't be any big pay-off when they fuck him off

 

Owners love someone who can take the heat for the state of things, Moyes does it perfectly because he can't open his mouth without pissing off his players and the fans. The porn kings have found their perfect dildo. 

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Trumo Grand Master

Trumo

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A modern day managerial Spud, from Trainspotting.

 

A suite overlooking the halfway line at the London Stadium, where West Ham's joint owners David Sullivan, David Gold and the CEO Karren Brady are conducting an interview with one of the applicants for the vacant manager's position following the sacking of Croatian coach Slaven Bilic. The applicant, David 'Gollum' Moyes, is sat in the chair giving every impression that he is more than a little bit wired. He is fidgeting non-stop and barely able to utter a coherent and credible response to the questions.

 

Moyes: No, I was at Sunderland. I just put down United to get the job. There's too much discrimination in this toon, man. They're both clubs, right? We're all in this together! And I wanted to put across the general idea, rather than the details. Like, people get all hung up on details. Like, which clubs did I manage? How many trophies did I win? Could be like six. Could be none. It is none. It's not important. What is important is that I am, yes?

 

Gold: Mr. Moyes, do you mean that you lied on your application?

 

Moyes: No! Well...yes. Only to get my foot in the door. Showing initiative and that, like!

 

Gold: But you were referred here by the League Managers Association and various tabloid hacks. There was no need for you to get your "foot in the door", as you put it.

 

Moyes: Yeah, cool. Whatever you say. Sorry. You're the man, the dude in the chair. I am merely here. Like, well, obviously I'm here like, but-

 

Gold: Mr. Moyes, what exactly attracts you to West Ham?

 

Moyes glances sharply at the mural of Bobby Moore, Trevor Brooking and Michael Jackson's pet chimp on the wall beside him.

 

Moyes: In a word, pleasure. My pleasure in other people granting me an easy payday for a job done appallingly badly, squandering millions on shite in the process.

 

Gold: Do you see yourself as having any weaknesses?

 

Moyes ponders the question for a moment before shaking his head insistently.

 

Moyes: Oh, yes, 'cause, like, I'm a bit of a perfectionist, actually! Yes, I am. See, for me, it's got to be the best, or it's nothing at all. Like things get a bit dodgy, I just cannot be bothered. I'll just blame everybody else.

 

Gold and Sullivan exchange concerned glances with one another and Brady sitting beside them, looking at the applicant like shit off her shoe - a chancer who gets the boot by SIr Alan Sugar in the first episode of a series of 'The Apprentice'.

 

Moyes: But, hey, I'm getting good vibes about this interview thing today, though, man. Seems to me like it's going pretty well, eh?

 

Gold: Thank you, Mr. Moyes. We'll let you know.

 

Moyes excitedly leaps out of his chair and dashes over to them, believing himself to be a shoe-in for the job, exchanging clumsy handshakes together with a kiss on the cheek for Brady.

 

Moyes: The pleasure was mine, man. (to Brady) If the questions were shite, you'd have got a slap love, make nae mistake!

 

Moyes leaves the suite and the three discuss what to do.

 

Gold: The LMA and the boys at The S*n told me he's a winner.

 

Brady: He's won fuck all and is a miserable sexist cunt.

 

Sullivan: It's either him, or we have to give Big Sam a bell. Or fackin' hell, Tim Sherwood for fack's sake!

 

Brady: What was wrong with keeping Slav?

 

Sullivan: I couldn't understand a word he was saying. His voice sounded like he'd been busy deepthroating those Black Mambas we were flogging around Walthamstow twenty-odd years ago.

 

Gold: I mentioned Sean Dyche last week.

 

Sullivan: Fackin' Northern cant Grant Mitchell-wannabe who sounds like he was deepthroating Black Mambas last night.

 

Brady: So it really is between Moyes and Sherwood then? Shit! Better get Moyes back in here and tell him the job's his until the summer. One of those jumped-up wankers on my show will be on the blower soon to tell me they can do a better job.

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