Worst physical pain you have ever experienced?

[Nasty Lizard]

I had an inguinal hernia repair that when the anesthetic wore off felt like my right bollock had been stitched to my right hip.

My wife picked me up from the hospital and I lowered myself into the passenger seat very gingerly by holding onto the roof (with left hand)
I reached across with right hand to shut the door, fucked it up, and didn't get my left hand out of the way quick enough.
It didn't quite break my fingers but the shock and surprise pulled my stitches.
it felt like someone simultaneously shot me in the groin with a crossbow, whilst twatting my hand with a mallet. My brain could not compute the pain. My wife sat there with a hand stuffed in her mouth, desperately stifling the mirth, but failing miserably and the site of her falling apart started me also with the giggles. I advise anyone never to laugh soon after hernia surgery. I do not have the words to the describe the pain at this point.
 

[3 Stacks]

testicular torsion isn't very pleasant

 

I don't recommend it.

 

Can confirm, but only for about 5-6 hrs until the testicle dies from the blood flow being cut off. After that it's only very swollen and uncomfortable until you have to get it removed. The first 5-6 hrs are dreadful though. 

[Alan Sex]

Herniated disc in the lower back is pretty close - but have to say getting the uvula lazered off to "cure snoring" was fucking painful. And useless.

[Rico1304]

Can confirm, but only for about 5-6 hrs until the testicle dies from the blood flow being cut off. After that it's only very swollen and uncomfortable until you have to get it removed. The first 5-6 hrs are dreadful though.

My brother had one of those. It was hilarious watching him in pain until the ambulance took him away.

 

The little fucker was on a mixed wars and managed to pull a really fit bird by showing her his bollocks. I wasn't laughing then.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Tell you what can cut you to bits. Dried weetabix.  ToddleD has it and dropped some on the floor we missed to pick up.  It formed what can only be described as a small stalagmite, as hard as Wolverine's pinkie-bone which drew blood from the fleshy part of my foot. 

[Total Longo]

I'll see your plug and raise you a plank with a nail sticking up, Straight through the trainer and my foot, 

The tetanus jab later wasn't much fun either. 

 

"Fiddle dee dee"

 

 

[Chip Butty]

After two weeks of walking around like I was being branded constantly with a ted-hot poker,  then being diagnosed as having a Perianal Abscess, which then lead to the embarrassingly brilliant joy of surgery and being straddled into stirrups, to be operated on by an audience of 8-10 people, legs a kimbo, for all the world to see - I now have a second hole in my arse, right next to my man hole, which has to heel from the inside out, so it’s an open gash, packed so it doesn’t seal and allowed to heel inside out; so its every two days, down the clinic, stand for two hours, then for a heavy handed nurse to prod with a plastic depth gauge  the progression of the healing, then it’s packed up again, then back to the clinic two days later. The gash is 2.5cm long and 1.5 deep.

I thought the constant branding feeling was the worst pain I’d ever had, seems depth gauging and packing wounds adjacent to my arse hole, is the worst pain I’ve ever had. 
 

Just had to get that off my chest. Soz. 

[Babb'sBurstNad]

5 minutes ago, Chip Butty said:

After two weeks of walking around like I was being branded constantly with a ted-hot poker,  then being diagnosed as having a Perianal Abscess, which then lead to the embarrassingly brilliant joy of surgery and being straddled into stirrups, to be operated on by an audience of 8-10 people, legs a kimbo, for all the world to see - I now have a second hole in my arse, right next to my man hole, which has to heel from the inside out, so it’s an open gash, packed so it doesn’t seal and allowed to heel inside out; so its every two days, down the clinic, stand for two hours, then for a heavy handed nurse to prod with a plastic depth gauge  the progression of the healing, then it’s packed up again, then back to the clinic two days later. The gash is 2.5cm long and 1.5 deep.

I thought the constant branding feeling was the worst pain I’d ever had, seems depth gauging and packing wounds adjacent to my arse hole, is the worst pain I’ve ever had. 
 

Just had to get that off my chest. Soz. 

 

[Chip Butty]

Re-read that and edited it, supposedly! 
 

Least of my worries at the minute, tbf. 

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Hope you get better soon mate. My dad had that and it's not pleasant.

[Pete]

When I scratched my cornea last year.  

[polymerpunkah]

Had one of those* as a teen-ager; not the most fun having the community nurse visit every few days to take a close-up look at my ass.

 

I'm guessing the feeling was mutual.

 

(*An abcess, not a scratched cornea.)

[Bjornebye]

37 minutes ago, Chip Butty said:

After two weeks of walking around like I was being branded constantly with a ted-hot poker,  then being diagnosed as having a Perianal Abscess, which then lead to the embarrassingly brilliant joy of surgery and being straddled into stirrups, to be operated on by an audience of 8-10 people, legs a kimbo, for all the world to see - I now have a second hole in my arse, right next to my man hole, which has to heel from the inside out, so it’s an open gash, packed so it doesn’t seal and allowed to heel inside out; so its every two days, down the clinic, stand for two hours, then for a heavy handed nurse to prod with a plastic depth gauge  the progression of the healing, then it’s packed up again, then back to the clinic two days later. The gash is 2.5cm long and 1.5 deep.

I thought the constant branding feeling was the worst pain I’d ever had, seems depth gauging and packing wounds adjacent to my arse hole, is the worst pain I’ve ever had. 
 

Just had to get that off my chest. Soz. 

 

Two of my mates had the same last year. Fucking terrifying. Hope it heels pronto 

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

Not sure if I’ve posted in this thread before. 
 

But, here goes. 
 

I’ve been fairly lucky in life so far (touch wood) when it comes to pain. 
 

The worst two things I’ve had is blocking a beautifully caught volley with my tessies from about 3 yards away. Couldn’t speak. Involuntary tears. 
 

The second one is a stomach bacterial infection called helicobacter pylori. I was spewing up the most foul smelling green vomit ever. That was horrendous, but the pain in my stomach and side was even worse. I’ve never been stabbed, but I can imagine it feels something like the pain I encountered. Although, when you get stabbed, it’s typically only once, rather than repeated stabbing pains in the same place for a good 5 hours solid. 

[A Red]

A number of years back I snapped the quadracep tendon in my left leg playing the unmentionable which left my knee cap hanging off. Hurt like hell when it happened and meant I had to go to hospital straight away for an operation or risk not walking properly again.

 

They put me in a room overnight, still in full kit with a deranged woman that was bed ridden with severe dementia who screamed continuously for hours, before taking me for the op. After which, as the hospital was so busy, they stuck me in the eye hospital where the staff had no training and couldn't prescribe me more than a paracetamol. Was in fucking agony waiting for someone to give me morphine. I wasn't the only non eye patient in there, one bloke was there as he had earlier taken a shit and his arse had fallen out.

 

My left leg was half the size of the other when I had the pot taken off and took quite some while to recover. Whilst not as strong as my right it made a good recovery and I'm back playing that sport once or twice a week.

[VladimirIlyich]

1 hour ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

 

Another BBC employee trying to get at boy's ringpieces.

[Chip Butty]

1 hour ago, polymerpunkah said:

Had one of those* as a teen-ager; not the most fun having the community nurse visit every few days to take a close-up look at my ass.

 

I'm guessing the feeling was mutual.

 

(*An abcess, not a scratched cornea.)

Mate, I had an audience, trainee doctors, nurses, anaesthetist, surgeon, even the cleaner! It felt like everyone was there and to then be placed in stirrups under the glare of a light the size of an umbrella, everything on show, front and centre and it was cold, honest! A tad crigy I have to say.…thankfully the sedative knocked me out.

They gave me a local earlier on called a saddle - inject you in the spine and then it ‘cooks’ (their name for it) and it’s away, let’s all have a gander at Mr CB’s bollocks, cock, ring, abscess, that bit in the middle of ye hoop and bollocks. The lot. The soles of my feet got a tan from the light. 

[Chip Butty]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Two of my mates had the same last year. Fucking terrifying. Hope it heels pronto 

I’ve had slashes,  cuts, been stabbed (screwdriver) loads of stitches in my day but absolutely fuck all pain like this. 

[Bjornebye]

10 minutes ago, Chip Butty said:

I’ve had slashes,  cuts, been stabbed (screwdriver) loads of stitches in my day but absolutely fuck all pain like this. 

 

Never stubbed your toe eh you shit bag? 

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

On 09/01/2012 at 22:59, Section_31 said:

Couple of months back I had a camera with a head the width of a biro put down my japs eye, through my penis and into my bladder.

 

I, win, again.

 

Good times.

[Arniepie]

Gallstones a few weeks ago.

Was in fucking agony.

Went to Aintree and they were absolutely boss,every nurse and Dr I saw.

[The Midnight Rambler]

Went to pick up a tennis ball that was next to a garden shed door and as I scooped up the ball a fuck off massive splinter impaled between my nail and finger. Had a few mischiefs, broken bones and car accidents but nothing will touch that. 

[Clem H Fandango]

Summer man-flu

[clangers]

I had an antibiotic resistant bacterial infection in my left leg which destroys tissue and turns bone to dust as well as covering the leg with cellulitis which is effectively tissue death followed by my left leg being amputated earlier this year.  Pre-amputation it was excruciating painful. Every time I put any weight on my left foot I could hear bones cracking and crunching in the leg as they broke.

 

Weirdly the actual amputation just below the knee done under a local anaesthetic and the post operative recovery wasn't really painful at all. 

[Guest]

22 minutes ago, clangers said:

I had an antibiotic resistant bacterial infection in my left leg which destroys tissue and turns bone to dust as well as covering the leg with cellulitis which is effectively tissue death followed by my left leg being amputated earlier this year.  Pre-amputation it was excruciating painful. Every time I put any weight on my left foot I could hear bones cracking and crunching in the leg as they broke.

 

Weirdly the actual amputation just below the knee done under a local anaesthetic and the post operative recovery wasn't really painful at all.