Spiders

[Total Longo]

I ate a live one once. Hallucinogens and peer pressure both played an equal part.  

[mattyq]

I've been bitten by spiders twice. Once in South Africa and once in Portugal. My legs and feet swelled to an un-attractive size and much pain ensued. The last time i had to go to hospital and be put on a drip for ages.

Like our British spiders, though. Killing and eating the dirty bastard flies is fine by me

[bouncebrigade]

As Tony Manero would say:

 

"Spiders are boss."

[Bobby Hundreds]

I messed around and pretended to put a spider in my birds hair it was just a piece of matted up cotton, she nearly had some kind of brain spasm but then she realized what it was and called me a bastard, it was then I put a real spider on her hair, she said you can't fool me twice, I asked her did she want a cup of tea left the room and waited giggling to myself for the scream. She actually held it between her fingers before she noticed it wasn't the matted up cotton. Silly silly woman.

[Robbo29]

saw on QI the other week, the only reason we see spiders in the house is that they come out looking for sex, nothing wrong with that, dont mind them at all, they eat flies which are fucking evil little bastards, flies are nearly as evil as wasps

[Section_31]

What ever happened to blue bottles? Fucking all over the place when I was a kid.

[Robbo29]

spiders ate them all

[Bjornebye]

As Tony Manero would say:

 

"Spiders are boss."

 

.

[Bjornebye]

What ever happened to blue bottles? Fucking all over the place when I was a kid.

 

People stopped shitting in the middle of the street. 

[Trumo]

Whatever being created life was clearly one of those types that likes to implement a £100 solution to a £10 problem, providing endless bigger, badder and nastier ways to deal with the problem, thus turning this overpopulated little rock into a smorgasbord of lifeforms who exist only to kill, irritate and inflict pain on each other in an endless cycle of shit that doesn't actually matter.

 

So yeah, spiders have their place in the grand scheme of things. But only because the architect took a day off and forgot about that particular glitch in the matrix. It did give us the ability to ramble incoherently however.

[Bobby Hundreds]

So I don't know why she swallowed the fly is a great metaphor for the evolution of life. Perhaps we'll die.

[Anubis]

This thread is rubbish. Where are the many and varied pictures of our eight-legged friends? Bump the September Spiders thread for some proper, full-on arachnid action.

[JohnnyH]

What ever happened to blue bottles? Fucking all over the place when I was a kid.

"Once a blue bottle always a...." Etc

[VladimirIlyich]

"Once a blue bottle always a...." Etc

Both of them follow shite all over the place.

[Guest]

A Brisbane dad was so shocked to see a massive spider dangling a gecko double its size in its fangs he covered his children's eyes to shield them from the horror.

 

Dan Ryan was ushering his three children to the car last Saturday when he spotted the "enormous" wolf spider with the small lizard in its fangs, resting on his fence.

 

The town planner first thought the horrifying sight was a stick and leaf but then realised the arachnid had pierced the reptile's neck with its fangs and was injecting it with venom, slowly killing it.

 

Mr Ryan, 35, said despite being much bigger, the defeated gecko had no choice but to hang lifelessly from its eight-legged captor's fangs as the spider patiently waited for its dinner to die.

 

He said his wife told him to take a picture because it was "the most bizarre thing" the pair had ever seen near their suburban home.

Wolf spiders usually feast on insect prey such as crickets, ants and other spiders and are rarely seen hunting prey so large. "I couldn't believe my eyes. It was incredible - but also really creepy," Mr Ryan said.

 

"I quickly ran back to the kids and shielded their eyes and told them to get in the car.

 

"I didn't want them to see it as they're all under six and just too young. It would scare them. Not only the spider but the fact that there was a dead gecko hanging from its fangs. It was just so weird."

 

He said he had to get up close to the predator to take the photos and feared it might jump on him.

 

"I've never seen a gecko being killed by a spider like that, and it's quite shocking because the gecko was longer in length. But obviously this spider went after bigger prey and won.

 

"I guess the spider eventually dragged the gecko away to eat it. I never saw it again."

 

According to the Australasian Arachnology Society, wolf spiders can be found all around Australia and should be considered dangerous because their bite is poisonous - although not lethal to humans.

 

Wolf spiders are solo opportunistic hunters that pounce on their prey as they find it and will even chase it over short distances. Sometimes the arachnids will even wait for passing prey in or near the mouth of a burrow, which Mr Ryan believed is what might have happened in this case.

 

"The fence paling is dislodged, so I think the spider was hiding in there and when the gecko came past he grabbed it.

 

"It didn't have a web. It looked like it has been lurking and hiding," he said.

 

He added that he didn't want to interfere with nature: "We just let nature take its course".

 

Warning! The following content is NOT WORK SAFE. Click the Show button to reveal.

 

 

[General Dryness]

This is why fuck going to Australia ever.

[lifetime fan]

Why the fuck did i open that.

[Guest]

This is why fuck going to Australia ever.

 

Why the fuck did i open that.

Spiders are seriously fucking nasty. Why do they even exist? To eat geckos? Grim.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Heavy that.

[KMD7]

Fuck that.

[Em City]

And that right there is why I would rather live in the Arctic Circle than Australia.

[Anubis]

What a magnificent beast. My condolences to the gecko, but know that your death was a worthy sacrifice to bring us pictures of the imperious wolf spider in action.

 

Spiders are awesome.

[scudger99]

I had a Goliath spider once.  Spread out it would have been the size of a dinner plate.  Absolutely hostile bastard it was.  Even more hostile was the somewhat smaller but even more aggressive Cobalt Blue bird eater.  They were in the minority though, as most of the spiders I've owned have been extremely docile and didn't mind being handled at all.  Fascinating pets, far more interesting than goldfish, rabbits, hamsters and all that other boring shite.

[General Dryness]

I can't conceive of anyone wanting to handle a spider. Do you make little boobeedoo cootchie cootchie noises at them too? Fucking hell. The eight legged spawn of Satan that comes near me dies.

[scudger99]

I can't conceive of anyone wanting to handle a spider. Do you make little boobeedoo cootchie cootchie noises at them too? Fucking hell. The eight legged spawn of Satan that comes near me dies.

Only when they were crawling across my bell end and sac.