Your apocalypse essentials

[Boss]

1. Leather Jacket

2. Aviator Sunglasses

3. Ak47

4. Ammo Belt

5. Chewing gum

6. Fleshlight

 

Lets do this...

[Section_31]

My hunting rifle.

My biggest revolver.

All the ammo available.

My thermal bag.

My hunting binoculars.

My leather hunting boots.

 

Bring it on, fuckers.

It's shit like this that makes the GF great.

[Boss]

Surprised nobody's said jumper cables, as they'd come in very handy. You don't want to be creeping around peoples houses and have one of the undead popping out at you whilst your looking for car keys.

[Lee909]

Fully armed and stocked HMS Vengeance

A Magnum and ammo

Scarlett Johansson

Kelly Brook

Mila Kunis

All the bourbon in the world

[stringvest]

Surprised nobody's said jumper cables, as they'd come in very handy. You don't want to be creeping around peoples houses and have one of the undead popping out at you whilst your looking for car keys.

 

you can take the lad out of Liverpool...

[aws]

I'm heading for a small island. Clear it out and I'll be laughing. Already picked it out. Big enough to feed a dozen people and surrounded by strong currents so there's no way the fuckers are walking along the seabed out to it.

[Magic Sponge]

Nothing else matters.

 

[magicrat]

Why do you think they buried him encased in concrete. 

Because Jim mixed it 

[aikido]

1. My Glock

2. Box of ammo

3. First aid kit

4. Case of water

5. Flash light

6. AM/FM radio

[Captain]

Few ounces of beak

Few packs of cigarettes

Lighter

Assault rifle

Another few ounces of beak

Marion Cotillard

 

Repped for Cotillard.

[Jairzinho]

She's sublime.

[Bjornebye]

Black pyjama bottoms

 

A pair of white socks

 

A pair of black plimsolls

 

Nunchaku

 

Soft toilet paper

 

A bottle of remy martin

 

"You have offended me, my family, and you have offended the shaolin temple you zombie cunts"

[Bjornebye]

Assuming that there's a 50ml 10% tincture of iodine in the first aid kit that I can use as a general-purpose anti-septic and water purifier...

• 50m paracord - can be used for tripwires or to improvise shelter. Strong enough to take body weight, but light enough to carry easily. Can be used to get up high, where there will be fewer zombies.
• Thermal clothing - stay as warm as possible while you sleep without having the heft (and enclosure) of a down bag.
• Waterproof trousers and poncho - in European climates, you need to stay warm and that means you need to stay dry. Poncho can be used to make a shelter with the paracord if necessary.
• Leatherman-style multitool - big enough blades for eating, bunch of handy widgets for opening tins, bottles, etc. Pliers also useful. Use the crowbar for self-defence at close quarters.
• Radio - safety in numbers if you can find them.
• OS Map of local area - figure out where the most likely safe routes are, if anyone broadcasts locations over the radio.

You used to be in the cubs? Im following you mate. Just make arrows out of twigs if you lose me.

[Anubis]

I'm heading for a small island. Clear it out and I'll be laughing. Already picked it out. Big enough to feed a dozen people and surrounded by strong currents so there's no way the fuckers are walking along the seabed out to it.

 

You're still going to have to take out the Menai Bridge and the Britannia Bridge.

[littletedwest]

1)a nice gun

2)a copy of razzle

3)a monkey (if they can help Clint Eastwood and also move pianos) they must be useful

4)cigarettes

5)a vest (look the part be the part motherfucker)

[Dr Nowt]

Assuming that there's a 50ml 10% tincture of iodine in the first aid kit that I can use as a general-purpose anti-septic and water purifier...

• 50m paracord - can be used for tripwires or to improvise shelter. Strong enough to take body weight, but light enough to carry easily. Can be used to get up high, where there will be fewer zombies.
• Thermal clothing - stay as warm as possible while you sleep without having the heft (and enclosure) of a down bag.
• Waterproof trousers and poncho - in European climates, you need to stay warm and that means you need to stay dry. Poncho can be used to make a shelter with the paracord if necessary.
• Leatherman-style multitool - big enough blades for eating, bunch of handy widgets for opening tins, bottles, etc. Pliers also useful. Use the crowbar for self-defence at close quarters.
• Radio - safety in numbers if you can find them.
• OS Map of local area - figure out where the most likely safe routes are, if anyone broadcasts locations over the radio.

Hmm, I may need to swap one of my cigars for an Uzi in case I run into morgan, so I can fill him full of holes* and harvest everything his superior knowledge, attitude and work rate have afforded him.

 

* Immediately reducing effectiveness of all the newly stolen clothes, underlining my incompetence in the face of a zombie holocaust.

[M_B]

1: Star Wars Storm Trooper Armour.

2: Metal baseball bat

3: Smart phone

4: Solar charger for smart phone

5: Bottle of Laphroaig

[Captain Turdseye]

1: Bacon

2: Sausages

3: Eggs

4: Mushrooms

5: Black pudding

6: BEANS

[Dr Nowt]

Poor Turdseye, the zombies got him early.

[razor]

As you open the boot what six items are you hoping are in there to give you the best chance from this point onwards. 

 

 

2 pairs of Adidas Munchen and one pair of Trimm Trab.

 

If I'm going out, I'm going out in style.

 

 

 

 

Also, if I do manage to survive, our post-apocalyptic brave new world will need casual 80s terrace footwear.

 

Or it's not worth surviving.

 

(I might swap one pair of Muchen for a red and grey Patrick cagoule, depending if there's light showers expected)

[Guest davelfc]

Those that have named women, you'll be dead in a few days or at least wish you were.

 

I'd rather choose Ray Mears, purely for the fact you'd survive, eat well and have excellent shelter. 

 

The idea of having to give up most of the clean water for a woman to shower each day, go on dangerous raiding missions for a specific brand of nail varnish or lip gloss. Plus not being able to move for about an hour because she 'wasn't going on looking like a tramp' Just shoot me now. 

 

I would have a basement with the zombie Scarlett Johansson in, for a bit of danger sex every now and then though. I say "zombie Scarlett Johansson" because one, she'd be bitten in a few minutes. Two, read above explanation and three, there's every chance she'd fuck me off in a zombie apocalypse as she would now. 

[Fowlers God]

I'm with jaz, you need shit loads of coke and a shotgun

[Paul]

You wake up in a daze. You've smacked your head on the steering wheel and seem to have been involved in a crash. Luckily you're not to badly damaged.

 

As you start to look around you at your environment you notice that in the distance there has been some unruly shit going down and it dawns on you that you are slap bang in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.

 

As you open the boot what six items are you hoping are in there to give you the best chance from this point onwards.

 

We will presume that there is a ruck-sack, empty 330ml coke bottle, basic first aid kit and a tyre iron in there as your basic starter pack. You get six additional items. You are in the US so there might be a firearm in the back if you wanted one, but you'll have to chose that as an item.

 

Go:

Brilliant idea Stu. I love this shit. However, am I picking for the short term on the assumption that I can scavenge longer term survival stuff later or is this a "grab it now or forever do without it" scenario?

 

I'll assume the latter (mainly because it's the long term survival shit that really interests me rather than the killing zombies bit). So, here are mine without having read the thread (because I know others will have had some boss ideas I've not thought of):

 

1. A really good multi-tool (with a built in flint) as it will have limitless usefulness.

2. A really good coat (preferably with Wu-Tang overtones because you've got to keep it real even during the zombie apocalypse, yo) to keep me warm and dry in even extreme weather conditions.

3. That Lofty Wiseman SAS Survival handbook in the laminated version (because knowledge is king and sodden, unreadable pages are useless).

4. A serious hunting knife for protection and as a tool.

5. A gun and ammo unfortunately. Highly limited in its effectiveness against zombies (and actually counter-productive, noise-wise) but absolutely essential for all the other cunts out there. This is the USA and every fucker will be armed and dangerous in this scenario. Never take a knife to a gun fight. And besides, in an emergency where you can't run or stab your way out, zombies will need to be dispatched quickly.

6. Antibiotics. Injury is pretty much guaranteed and infection will be a killer in a post-apocalyptic world. If I could assume I could scavenge done, I'd drop this item.

 

I left out other things like good boots (I assumed I was wearing them), a tarpaulin (for shelter, luggage or water collection) and rope (for snares, building shit and tying shit up) because six is six.

 

Now to see what clever stuff I overlooked.

[Paul]

A mobile phone and solar charger is a boss idea. You can use it for maps, compass and knowledge (even without the Internet you could have survival, medical, farming, construction, engineering and more books downloaded onto it). You still get to have music too and you've also got a radio as well.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

A laptop

A spare battery for the laptop

2 porn DVDs

A box of tissues

A cup of tea