The GF Parenting Thread

[Captain Turdseye]

My boy (who isn’t actually mine, I met Mrs Turdseye when he was 7) is turning 18 on Saturday. Ace kid, smart, funny, helpful, top red and all round boss lad. He’s grafting now on top of his A levels, got his driving test booked in, got a lovely girlfriend and been offered a place at Oxford Uni to study PPE as long as he gets the required results. Couldn’t be prouder of him. He’s a fucking diamond and a great role model for our girls. 
 

A few lads off here have met him. 
 

He sees his dad maybe three or four times a year, goes bowling or something, has something to eat and that’s it, he goes home. He only lives an hour away. He phones him for a five minute chat every Sunday, but surely you’d want to see your kid more often, no? He’s always paid maintenance and stuff so I can’t fault him on that, he’s a nice enough bloke and he’s welcome in our house anytime. I don’t mind one bit. I even clean the bathroom when he’s due to turn up. 
 

It’s been pissing me off now though for a couple of years but I haven’t said anything to anyone. I’ve even gently encouraged the boy to tell his dad he can come up to ours whenever he likes. 
 

Like I said, it’s his 18th at the weekend. He’s just text and asked if he can send a box of chocolates to ours for his birthday. A box of chocolates for fuck sake. What a cuntish thing that is. He’s not even making any plans to see him.
 

I’m taking him to Oxford in the half term in a few weeks to have a look around the uni and other stuff around the city in general, and his dad’s suggested meeting up there for something to eat because it’s close to where he lives. 
 

Still biting my tongue and I’ve got nowhere else to rant about it except on here. Pissing. Me. Off. 
 

A box of chocolates for his 18th.

[Paulie Dangerously]

What kind of chocolates? 

[Captain Turdseye]

1 minute ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

What kind of chocolates? 

From Amazon apparently. Probably the first result when you type in ‘chocolates’

[Bjornebye]

Great lad him (well he was when I met him years ago) he can fuck off now he's become a tory cunt. Give him my congratulations mate. 

 

I hope to god his Dads done something more than just chocolates. 

[YorkshireRed]

13 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

My boy (who isn’t actually mine, I met Mrs Turdseye when he was 7) is turning 18 on Saturday. Ace kid, smart, funny, helpful, top red and all round boss lad. He’s grafting now on top of his A levels, got his driving test booked in, got a lovely girlfriend and been offered a place at Oxford Uni to study PPE as long as he gets the required results. Couldn’t be prouder of him. He’s a fucking diamond and a great role model for our girls. 
 

A few lads off here have met him. 
 

He sees his dad maybe three or four times a year, goes bowling or something, has something to eat and that’s it, he goes home. He only lives an hour away. He phones him for a five minute chat every Sunday, but surely you’d want to see your kid more often, no? He’s always paid maintenance and stuff so I can’t fault him on that, he’s a nice enough bloke and he’s welcome in our house anytime. I don’t mind one bit. I even clean the bathroom when he’s due to turn up. 
 

It’s been pissing me off now though for a couple of years but I haven’t said anything to anyone. I’ve even gently encouraged the boy to tell his dad he can come up to ours whenever he likes. 
 

Like I said, it’s his 18th at the weekend. He’s just text and asked if he can send a box of chocolates to ours for his birthday. A box of chocolates for fuck sake. What a cuntish thing that is. He’s not even making any plans to see him.
 

I’m taking him to Oxford in the half term in a few weeks to have a look around the uni and other stuff around the city in general, and his dad’s suggested meeting up there for something to eat because it’s close to where he lives. 
 

Still biting my tongue and I’ve got nowhere else to rant about it except on here. Pissing. Me. Off. 
 

A box of chocolates for his 18th.

The fact this bothers you shows the quality of father you’ve been to your boy (he is that). As they say, impregnating someone doesn’t make you a dad. Sounds like he’s not an absolute disaster but he could/should be doing better. It’s great that you feel able/willing to help with this. Many in your position wouldn’t. 
 

You should be proud of yourself as well as your boy. 

[Captain Turdseye]

8 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

You should be proud of yourself as well as your boy. 

Stop being nice to me, you twat. 

[Mook]

On top of how shite it is giving your kid a box of chocolates, who the fuck gives an 18 year old lad a box of chocolates for their birthday?

 

That's what you give your wife when you feel bad about smashing one off about your Son's swimming instructor.

[Captain Turdseye]

I just queried it with my bird and she seems only slightly less annoyed than I am. She said he gave him £250 at Xmas and told him it was his birthday present as well. 
 

It’s not made me any less pissed off. The fella isn’t short of a few quid. 

[Remmie]

I have bruises on my shins from when my 2 year old Eli started violently headbutting me and I had to just let him or he'd get carpet burns on his face

[YorkshireRed]

8 minutes ago, Remmie said:

I have bruises on my shins from when my 2 year old Eli started violently headbutting me and I had to just let him or he'd get carpet burns on his face

It’s always a watershed moment for any father when their son reaches the age where they can beat dad in a fight. 
 

Happened to me, although I did at least hold off this moment (there wasn’t actually a fight, but I knew) until they reached their later teenage years. 

[Oh Buoy]

 

It wasn't just a box of chocolates, it was a lesson about life and never knowing what you're going to get. 

 

Unfortunately what he got was a cunt of a dad. 

[Captain Turdseye]

Posted in another thread a couple of months back how I’d taught my daughter to swim by accidentally forgetting her armbands one day. 
 

We’ve been going most weeks (ace pool, flumes, wave machine, etc), and it’s coincided with the time of year that the school have been taking them every week too. She’s probably a better swimmer than me now. Went yesterday and she was bombing into the deep end, doing star jumps and shit, while I’m there clinging onto the rail hoping she’d get bored before I drowned. 
 

Kids are ace. 

[DalyanPete]

10 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Kids are ace. 

So very true.

And as you said, chocolates? WTF.

[Captain Turdseye]

51 minutes ago, DalyanPete said:

So very true.

And as you said, chocolates? WTF.

Speaking of which. Should keep them all entertained for a couple of days. 
 

 

[DalyanPete]

17 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Speaking of which. Should keep them all entertained for a couple of days. 
 

 

Ha ha brilliant. Remember them days well. It was during Easter I got my best child skill idea. After the three of mine threw up on the carpets it was removed with a shovel, easy.

[Rico1304]

Izzy came to me yesterday and said ‘Dad, ‘Cherrybomb’ is playing on the Simpsons’.  I think I’ve done ok.  

[Paulie Dangerously]

In France at the minute with mine. MrsD is fluent in French and we speak a bit at home but myself and KidD are far from proficient. 

 

In a restaurant yesterday and out of the blue kids calls the waitress over and politely asks for a glass of apple juice with ice in perfect French. The waitress has just taken an order for me for a "grand beer see voo play" and I'd never seen someone look so confused. 

[Rico1304]

18 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

In France at the minute with mine. MrsD is fluent in French and we speak a bit at home but myself and KidD are far from proficient. 

 

In a restaurant yesterday and out of the blue kids calls the waitress over and politely asks for a glass of apple juice with ice in perfect French. The waitress has just taken an order for me for a "grand beer see voo play" and I'd never seen someone look so confused. 

Brilliant 

[Oh Buoy]

1y/o has what could be/probably is Chicken Pox. Been up since 2am trying to stop her itching her face - it's going to be a long weekend ahead. 

[chrisbonnie]

2 hours ago, Bot said:

1y/o has what could be/probably is Chicken Pox. Been up since 2am trying to stop her itching her face - it's going to be a long weekend ahead. 

Ooh, nasty. 

 

My missus has a nasty dose of covid at the moment and is confined to her room Monday. 

 

I'm sleeping in a bunk bed in my young lads room, and to say it's small, would be underplaying it, doesn't help I'm 6'2 either. 

 

But I'm sure like most on here can attest to this. School finished for summer yesterday, and the kids are usually awake in and around 7. But this morning. No, 5.30...... 5 fucking 30 

[Captain Turdseye]

On 18/10/2021 at 20:37, Captain Turdseye said:

Picked up a Werewolf one from Home Bargains for £8 or something. The mask is scary enough and the costume itself has got like padded muscles on the arms. I should point out at this point that it’s for Turdsette and not me. 
 

I’m happy with it because she can layer up underneath. They do a Halloween trail thing here in the town park which is ace. You walk through the woods and they have all sorts of zombies and monsters and shit jumping out at you. Then there’s still time for a bit of trick or treating afterwards. 

 

She’s missing the Halloween Trail tonight because she’s going for a sleepover at her boyfriend’s house. They’re nine years old. They’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend since reception. 
 

The boy in question is like a little old man. He’s taking Turdsette round to meet his nan for tea and biscuits and is ordering her favourite takeaway out of his pocket money. 
 

Still, that’s my daughter. The plan is to offer to take them swimming tomorrow when I pick her up, then take my eye off the kid just long enough for him to drown. 

[Captain Turdseye]

I still have a ticket for the Halloween Trail. I could go with my mate and his kids…

[chrisbonnie]

5 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

 

She’s missing the Halloween Trail tonight because she’s going for a sleepover at her boyfriend’s house. They’re nine years old. They’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend since reception. 
 

The boy in question is like a little old man. He’s taking Turdsette round to meet his nan for tea and biscuits and is ordering her favourite takeaway out of his pocket money. 
 

Still, that’s my daughter. The plan is to offer to take them swimming tomorrow when I pick her up, then take my eye off the kid just long enough for him to drown. 

Are your actually serious, your 9 year old has a boyfriend, and she's having a sleepover in his house and he's buying her dinner? 

 

 

[Captain Turdseye]

4 minutes ago, chrisbonnie said:

Are your actually serious, your 9 year old has a boyfriend, and she's having a sleepover in his house and he's buying her dinner? 

 

 

They’re nine year old kids. They’ll spend the entire time playing Roblox and screeching like parrots.
 

He gave her a hug on her birthday, the little cunt. 

[Captain Turdseye]

The swimming is booked now too. Apparently when they go with school he has to stay in the shallow end. Let’s see how he copes when they switch the wave machine on.