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The GF Parenting Thread


Paul
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Query for the parents of teens: how did you all start to teach your kids about financial responsibility and work? I had a minor bratty moment from junior today (who is generally a great lad) that suggested a minor sense of entitlement and I've realised it's time, now he's 13, to teach him about what it is to earn money before you spend it.

 

So we're thinking about a bank account for pocket money/allowance and a defined set of jobs to earn it. What I want is advice on this issue please: what did you do? How much cash did you give? What was required to earn it?

 

I'm also interested in what your own parents did with you around this issue.

 

Cheers.

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I briefly had a small role in raising a teenager (from 13 to 16) when I was seeing and then living with a girlfriend who became the kid's guardian when their father died. Did the pocket money for jobs etc stuff but always got asked for more money. Changed significantly when the kid got a job working for some family friends. Seems like there's nothing as properly earning money to make you aware of it's value. For some reason, jobs like hoovering etc don't really work and you get into rows when they don't do it and still want money.

 

Same for myself but when I was a kid, it seemed like there were a lot more jobs like paper rounds, milk rounds, Saturday jobs in the local shop. Not sure what kids under 16 do these days unless they know someone with a small business

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The eldest was the learning curve, I'm not sure I fully got around it with her. However the 15 year old had a bank account as soon as she was 14 and her pocket money went straight in there. We have a weekly allowance of £12.50 which is what the dinner money would be for the week, she has the choice, use this for her dinners, or take a packed lunch from the house and get to keep it for her own use. She prioritises what she thinks she will need. She is also allowed to earn extra money for chores, and there is a list on the board of what needs doing and a price tag next too it. This is above what would normally be expected. I do expect them to do their bit in the house, the 15 year old loads the dishwasher, 12 year old empties it, 10 year old clears the table. They are responsible for cleaning their room and changing their bedding, this is normal stuff, not what they get extra money for. The 12 year old also gets £12,50 a week and she is a miser, she's off to France with school in July and has to save her own spends, so she makes her own packed lunch and pretty much saves that tenner a week, however she refuses to do any of the extra type jobs. 

 

Extras would be chopping the logs for the fire, jet washing the drive, clearing the leaves. 

 

I feel like I've got it right, but that could be my opinion. They have to prioritise what they want and what they need. They sacrifice something they may want but aren't willing to work extra for. They're just not having it. Their loss if they're not willing to put the work in. 

 

 

I had a job from the age of 13, I was pretty much responsible for everything I'd spend, I didn't pay keep, but deodorant, some clothes, shoes ect all came out of that wage, especially when it was almost full time hours during school holidays.  

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The eldest was the learning curve, I'm not sure I fully got around it with her. However the 15 year old had a bank account as soon as she was 14 and her pocket money went straight in there. We have a weekly allowance of £12.50 which is what the dinner money would be for the week, she has the choice, use this for her dinners, or take a packed lunch from the house and get to keep it for her own use. She prioritises what she thinks she will need. She is also allowed to earn extra money for chores, and there is a list on the board of what needs doing and a price tag next too it. This is above what would normally be expected. I do expect them to do their bit in the house, the 15 year old loads the dishwasher, 12 year old empties it, 10 year old clears the table. They are responsible for cleaning their room and changing their bedding, this is normal stuff, not what they get extra money for. The 12 year old also gets £12,50 a week and she is a miser, she's off to France with school in July and has to save her own spends, so she makes her own packed lunch and pretty much saves that tenner a week, however she refuses to do any of the extra type jobs. 

 

Extras would be chopping the logs for the fire, jet washing the drive, clearing the leaves. 

 

I feel like I've got it right, but that could be my opinion. They have to prioritise what they want and what they need. They sacrifice something they may want but aren't willing to work extra for. They're just not having it. Their loss if they're not willing to put the work in. 

 

 

I had a job from the age of 13, I was pretty much responsible for everything I'd spend, I didn't pay keep, but deodorant, some clothes, shoes ect all came out of that wage, especially when it was almost full time hours during school holidays.

 

 

 

That sounds a great, perfectly sensible and lots of it up to the child to control.

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I have one teenage boy and two daughters now aged 20 and 22.

 

The eldest is responsible with money, has a bank account and a Visa and worked since 16 and was extremely responsible with money. She worked summer jobs and when in uni she worked and took summer positions and paid for own education with minimal assistance. She pays off her Visa card and is never in overdraft. She graduates uni in May and applied to teachers college.

 

The middle child is little miss entitled, refused to work one summer as she wanted to enjoy her youth. She worked through her teen years and has taken odd seasonal part time retail jobs but quickly spends the money faster than it comes in. She hardly contributed to her education, we paid for a semester in Australia as well and is generally of the attitude that Mom makes a shitload of money (she does) and not to worry.

 

She has been cutoff after she graduate university in August we have informed her. On your own, we always agreed to fund their first degree.

 

The boy, who turns 19 in June, had a good work ethic for awhile and worked since he was 15 but has gotten lazy and bombed out in university, only passing two out of six courses. He has been told that he is on his own after and needs to now work for any money.

 

The eldest know the value of money, the other two are going to learn the hard way.

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Probably way too mumsnet for some but I like the idea of the thread.

 

Re pocket money it was one of those issues that divided us as parents. Mr Champ had always had to work for any money he got at home; we got pocket money that was ours to do what we wanted with and wasnt linked to any particular jobs. I dont remember having my pocket money stopped or anything either.

 

With ours I liked the way I had got my pocket money and as the provider of pocket money in the house I've pretty much done the same.

 

Number 1 got the idea of money quite quickly so he got money from quite an early age and was given so tbag he could buy things that we might not necessarily get him and also gave the opportunity to learn how to manage money. He got a bank account when he was about 13, that I paid his pocket money into, as much because I didnt always have change on pocket money days. He was a saver rather than a spender until he started earning his own money. He showed very little interest in his appearance or what he was wearing so I increased his pocket money telling him he would then be responsible for buying his own stuff. It worked a dream. He later went in to get a job delivering those free newspapersbut when that came to an end struggled to get a job until after he was 16 as so few places round here pay cash in hand and by that time he was in the middle of exams at school, so didnt really get on the work ladder until just when he was leaving school. And has had a job pretty much since then.

 

Number 2 didnt get the idea of money until later so was later getting pocket money but quickly showed that she could manage her money. She also liked to spend it and buy clothes, so from an earlier stage I paid an amount into her bank account so she could use it to buy her own clothes, except school stuff and big buys. Again, its worked very well. As it happens she got her NI number in the post yesterday but I'm not going to be pushing her out to work as her exams start in a couple of weeks and reality is she has been getting herself pretty stressed so a job can wait.

 

Someone said earlier that their kid had said they wanted to enjoy their youth, well, for me, they are a long time grown up and I've not got a problem with them having time to do other things or just sleep, if thats whats needed. Work and responsibilities will be waiting for them soon enough

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I'm no parent but when I was about 14 or 15 I think I was given a monthly budget which went towards clothes and personal effects. This went from no pocket money but just getting things that I wanted occasionally. I got £50 which felt like loads and I was well happy with it. I think the fact that I had to pay for clothes with it helped me budget, so not all my money was going on fun stuff. It was probably way better for my olds, because I was a right selfish twat and always wanted the most expensive stuff.

 

It might be a good idea to say that their pocket money should go towards something like holiday spending money so that they can appreciate the need to save. Also, have parity between the kids as it was bullshit that my younger brother got privileges earlier than I did (ie the same time), though would be interested on the viewpoint of younger siblings here.

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Had a paper round from about 13 I think it was, until I started in woolworths on the record counter at 15.

 

Paper round paid me £6.50 a week and my parents would top that up to a tenner, I had to save for spends on school trips and if I wanted any extras when on holiday. For example my ol fella would take me for a round of golf a week but if I wanted to go a second time that came out of my money.

 

Household chores were split between the four of us anyway, no money for that. Each morning one would load the dishwasher and dust & Hoover before school and the other walked the dog, alternating each day.

 

In the evenings we'd have to do homework so if mum cooked dad had to do dishes.

 

Saturday morning you had to clean your own room, strip and change the bedding.

 

We both used to moan like fuck but don't think it was an unfair expectation.

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Also, I can't wait until I become a parent and get really bitchy and judgey about how other people bring up (or drag up LOL) their kids, as this seems to be the true purpose of parenting; superiority. 

 

Yep, parenting is definitely all about that. But the fact is your kid lives and dies by the decisions you make. So you implicitly believe you are doing it right and everyone else is doing it wrong. You just have to.

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Yep, parenting is definitely all about that. But the fact is your kid lives and dies by the decisions you make. So you implicitly believe you are doing it right and everyone else is doing it wrong. You just have to.

I chose to think Remmie was being just a bit tongue in cheek.

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Sure, I see a lot of things in other people's parenting that I wouldnt do myself but I also see a lot to admire. Parenting also brings out in you things that you didnt know were there, good and bad and plain non sensical.

You couldnt make a rational case for it but it is easily the best thing I have ever and will ever do

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I can see me and my Mrs having lots of arguments over teaching our kids to value money. Basically she's had her parents in her pocket for most of her adult life and they have pretty much helped her out with money at the drop of a hat. I told her Dad once that I wanted to do a TEFL course in Ecuador but couldn't afford it, he just asked why my Mum and Dad didn't just give me the money so I could go. He was baffled why my parents didnt.

 

I hardly got any money off my parents and had jobs from an early age plus as soon as my Mum and Dad knew I had even the slightest bit of money they wanted me to contribute towards the house. My Mrs never gave her parents anything living at home until she moved out. Her beat mate is in her mid forties and has always lived at home yet never paid any keep, despite having about 70 grand in the bank. my Mrs sees nothing wrong with this at all. Her 3 nieces all live at home with their parents yet none pay any keep. I think I paid £200 a month to mine before I left home. She still borrows money off her mum and dad now whereas I've never gone to my parents asking for a handout cos I know they would never give me anything.

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We're in a financial stretch trying to sort out another mortgage, we're still about 3k short of a better deal that would reduce the monthly payments by almost £150 if we throw everything we've got at it. I'm on an immense frugal drive to reduce everything to the bare minimum. We had friends over and one of them just looked at Mr melons and said "why don't you just ask the bank of dad?". Apparently this was the norm for him with his ex, I told him we'd be selling the car before we went cap in hand to any of our parents. 

 

I understand that if people were desperate and need something, that yes going to parents may be an option, but I don't understand how people can't differentiate between want and need. 

 

There's an outbuilding near to the house that needs buying and converting  (its falling apart and has been offered really cheap) but I know in a few years we'll be making it into a couple of 2 bed houses for any of the kids that end up staying home longer than I'm willing to give them a bedroom in the house for. They will pay a token rent and they most certainly will be paying all their own bills for it. I'm all for helping my kids out, but they're certainly not going to be allowed to take the piss. 

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