Joke!

[AngryOfTuebrook]

[Clem H Fandango]

I went out drinking with the Beach Boys, it was alright until I asked whose round it was....

 

[Clem H Fandango]

I tried to sell my Thomas the Tank Engine train set at an antiques shop today.

 

"You would have got more for it if the fat controller wasn't missing." Said the assistant.

 

"Yeah, you're probably right." I replied. "She's good at haggling."

[redheart]

On 02/02/2022 at 02:46, Clem H Fandango said:

I tried to sell my Thomas the Tank Engine train set at an antiques shop today.

 

"You would have got more for it if the fat controller wasn't missing." Said the assistant.

 

"Yeah, you're probably right." I replied. "She's good at haggling."

poorly constructed joke. It needs an earlier reference to leaving the Mrs at home

[Clem H Fandango]

7 hours ago, redheart said:

poorly constructed joke. It needs an earlier reference to leaving the Mrs at home

I left my mrs at home and went into town.

 

I tried to sell my Thomas the Tank Engine train set at an antiques shop today.

 

"You would have got more for it if the fat controller wasn't missing." Said the assistant.

 

"Yeah, you're probably right." I replied. "She's good at haggling."

 

Happy now?

[redheart]

4 hours ago, Clem H Fandango said:

I left my mrs at home and went into town.

 

I tried to sell my Thomas the Tank Engine train set at an antiques shop today.

 

"You would have got more for it if the fat controller wasn't missing." Said the assistant.

 

"Yeah, you're probably right." I replied. "She's good at haggling."

 

Happy now?

The construction of the joke is better

 

It's still shit though.

 

Glad to be of service

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Back in the Sixties I was in a band called The Hinges.

We supported The Doors.

[Clem H Fandango]

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.

[Clem H Fandango]

My Dad gave me some masturbation advice yesterday.

 

He said "Slow down, you're going to rip my cock off".

[Clem H Fandango]

Two unicorns on Noah's ark bump into each other. 

 

First one says "Hi! I'm Trevor!" 

 

Second replies "Hi!! I'm Andrew!!" 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

What's the stupidest animal in the jungle?

 

 

 

 

Polar bear.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Why do bees have sticky hair?

 

Because they use honey combs.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

A local baker accused me of stealing all his yeast.  I'm not worried about it: he can't prove a thing.

[VladimirIlyich]

1 hour ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

A local baker accused me of stealing all his yeast.  I'm not worried about it: he can't prove a thing.

Crumby joke.

[rb14]

2 hours ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

A local baker accused me of stealing all his yeast.  I'm not worried about it: he can't prove a thing.

It didn't raise a laugh from me either. 

 

AoT, do you go around bins after crimmy, rooting out the jokes that you get in crackers, then distribute them here over the course of the year? Nah. Can't be. Crimmy cracker jokes are far funnier than your shite. 

[rb14]

2 hours ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

A local baker accused me of stealing all his yeast.  I'm not worried about it: he can't prove a thing.

Actually, I'm truly losing it over that one. I started telling mr rb14, but I couldn't get past the idea of a "local baker" accusing me of "stealing all his yeast". Coz that happens. All the time. Like loads. 

 

Mr Fru T: "Oi. I reckon you've been stealing stuff off me." 

Me: "Like what?" 

Mr Fru T: "Like all my yeast." 

Me: "Fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd miss it." 

Mr Fru T: "I'm calling the police." 

Me: "You can't prove... (see above)" 

[magicrat]

2 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Crumby joke.

Yeh, we don't knead this sort of stuff 

[VladimirIlyich]

1 hour ago, magicrat said:

Yeh, we don't knead this sort of stuff 

Whatever way you slice it. I don't oven think its funny.

[Evelyn Tentions]

I'll raise it with the police.

That'll be funny tasting bread

[Evelyn Tentions]

Once when I was in school learning about Pavlovs dogs and I thought "Those stupid dogs". Then the bell went and we all went for lunch.

[Harry's Lad]

On 20/02/2022 at 18:16, VladimirIlyich said:

Whatever way you slice it. I don't oven think its funny.

Yeah, getting a bit stale now.

[Clem H Fandango]

 I was trying to get home in time for the football, but I was being held up by a learner driver.

 

She was driving very slowly and kept stalling.

 

"Come on, you stupid cunt!" I shouted. "

 

Get a fucking move on!"

 

She started crying and said it would be her last lesson with me.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams film is Mrs Fire.

[littletedwest]

Girl from Wigan getting married, the night before her mum says to her " he's gonna want to put his prized possession in where you pee  tomorrow night"

"He wants to put his pie in my sink?"