rb14

Stick your survey up your hoop. xx

Come on Paul. You've known him a little while now.

And fixed that too.

Fixed that for you.

Yes. A priZe for highest DensiTY of inappropriatE caPital letters you absoLUTe sPuNKfaceD bELLwhiFF.

That poem is an absolute disgrace. It's bommy - as in bomfire. It just is. Bonny? Not on my watch.

Same goes for our hoops Al if you remember. Or are we keeping that to ourselves?

Why the panic buying of bog roll. I don't get it. Has nobody heard of rimming? Jeeez. Have a curry first to spice things up a bit. Double bubble*. Actually, when we did up our place in London years ago, we installed Toto botty-washer toilets. You can eat your dinner off our pristine ring pieces. You don't need hoop paper. Dryers are part of the system too. Panic buy bitches. *I don't actually understand what double bubble is but I've heard people saying it so I am too.

Up there with "jabroni". Negged.

I too shout myself ragged. Last time (West Ham) was the second time in the last three visits I've been asked to be quieter by someone in front of me. Truly. And to make matters worse, both were fair enough. I really think we're lacking strength in depth. As you say, the midfield in particular has been a bit cack, more so since we lost Hendo, but other than Milly, I'm never bowled over by any of our replacements.

Indeed at the beach. But I've not seen it inside the airport before.

Actually, on a serious note, these holidays are, of course, hard on me and demand my utmost concentration finding cats to please you lot, but, some 7,000 miles away, in a wonderful city in the northwest of England, there's something fairly spectacular taking place, that potentially might reach its denouement whilst I'm away. That would of course be brilliant, and bring indescribable happiness, but.... ...would it be too much to ask for the day of reckoning to be when I get back? Pretty please? I NEED to be there. I am after all providing the cat pics...?

I thank you. Sharp. Am I bollocks. Barely get time to stick me head down before shooting off to Austria - snowboarding like the dude I is.

In Ho Chi Minh Domestic Terminal this morning it was heaving. Whereas every hotel and airport has been dead quiet, apparently it's Women's Day out here so every fucker is flying somewhere. Mega queues for security and everyone is adorned in varying degrees of medical masks, gloves, safety goggles, etc. Some had not a square millimetre of flesh on display. Never coming here again as a sex tourist. What a rip-off. Seriously though, normally it's dead pushy and shovey in the queue, but we were about the only people wearing no protective kit at all and NOBODY pushed us. We were treated like lepers. I deliberately did a decent fake sneeze. There was practically a stampede. Top comedy.

Kinnell. I'm trying me best.