Have a rant thread

[PestiRed]

Murray should only accept the knighthood on the condition that they rename the All England Tennis Club as British. That would make me laugh my arse off

[Bjornebye]

Anyone who accepts a knighthood is shit.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I hear you Stig (another class post).....i hate it when its hot in this country,even when its hot its shit (imo)...great thing about going away is that it weeds out the mingers....hardly see any fat ugly people wandering about in (where i go) Malta......

 

as for "heatwave" people here chime on about..for the record,it was this temperature(in Malta) at night a fortnight ago....

 

i never say anything,just smile....wait (in this case) 2 months...and pheck off again (making 3x cheap holidays a year)...sorted!

 

I've met joiners who've used less brackets than you.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

At being a crying cunt you are mate.

 

Touché Stig, Touché

[A Red]

The BBC.

 

What a set of unthinking bastards. I like listening to The Archers, usually via the iplayer, where I can indulge myself by listening, to 2 or sometimes 3, 15 minute episodes in a row. Its just something I like to do.

 

There has been a recent storyline whereby the local lush has been cheating on her partners brother, but he found out about it........... anyway, it was good. They then cleared off on holiday and nothing was heard of it for a while. Imagine my surprise when I then find out that the story was being played out on the spin off show, Ambridge Extra, which is only aired via iplayer.

 

Thanks for letting me know you bastards, its not like Ambridge extra is run all the time, just selectively. How the fuck am I meant to know when it is. eh? How the bastard hell can you have to shows running at the same time with the plots linked.

 

I'm well fucked off.

[Bjornebye]

People who listen to the archers. It's fucking emmerdale farm without visual.

[Captain Turdseye]

Can't believe that a Swastika got posted on the last page and Lurtz isn't in here kicking off.

[Magic Sponge]

Dickheads in Britain who buy a convertible car to have the roof down two weeks a year.

[zigackly]

Oiks who ride their bike on the fucking pavement. Walking home from work today and three pint-sized chavs ride straight at me like they're expecting me to get out of their way.

 

I stood my ground and as they swerved round me, leaned in at one of them and growled in his ear. He stopped his bike and said "what?", acting the hardman with his mates.

 

"I'l tell you what, you cheeky little cunt, ride at me again and I'll fold that fucking thing up and shove it up your arsehole."

 

Sadly he didn't take me up on my invitation.

[Red Soul]

Dickheads in Britain who buy a convertible car to have the roof down two weeks a year.

 

Indeed.To get the benefit they must take the time off work and just drive around all day.

[Red Soul]

Oiks who ride their bike on the fucking pavement. Walking home from work today and three pint-sized chavs ride straight at me like they're expecting me to get out of their way.

 

I stood my ground and as they swerved round me, leaned in at one of them and growled in his ear. He stopped his bike and said "what?", acting the hardman with his mates.

 

"I'l tell you what, you cheeky little cunt, ride at me again and I'll fold that fucking thing up and shove it up your arsehole."

 

Sadly he didn't take me up on my invitation.

 

Similar thing happened to me today.Walking home from work and a fat arsed lass on a bike passed me from behind on the pavement as I was just about to move out as there was a couple with a baby in a trolley coming towards me.

Saying that I fucking hate cyclists on the road too,backing up traffic like utter twats.

[jonnybastard]

Stood outside the shop with the kids and dog, waiting for the wife to do whatever wifes do in shops, when a woman approaches giving it "what a beautiful dog, is he friendly?". "no" I reply, deadly serious, " she's very protective round the kids, best not get too close".

By know the dog has put herself between the kids and the dog botherer.

"aaww, that's sweet" she says, still approaching. "please don't" i tell her. The dog is now growling at her. Completely undeterred she closes in, puts her hand out and says "you can smell my doggy can't you?"

Once within snapping distance that's exactly what she does, not a bite, but a definite final warning. The woman flips from dr dolittle to dr dangerous dogs act " it bit me" she's crying.

"no, she's warning you, just like I warned you"

" if it behaves like that it should be muzzled" she says.

"if I did that how would she protect my kids from nutters like you?"

 

For the record, pikey (the dog) is not some pit bull mastiff cross monster dog, but a rather small staff, who happens to be very protective round the children.

[Bobby Hundreds]

It didnt bite the head off some pomegranate/ pomade fuck knows what dinky dog did it.

[Lee909]

Postman the fucking jobsworth cunt.

Just heard the post being delivered went downstairs and and pick up the post and included is one of them red non delivery cards.The prick doesnt bother trying to knock for the package just posts the card and fucks off.

Well thats works till i shout down the road and get the prick to come back.

[Bjornebye]

Automated voices when you try calling someone. Sky, DVLA, The Bank, fucking hate them. hate them with a passion.

Just tried ringing the DVLA, if anyone has a spare 3 hours, try talking to someone. Try it. Go on, no, you will get endless drivel from the most boring sounding cunt on the planet. 2 minute description of option 1, fucking pick this, choose that, if you need to do this then do it by post goodbye etc etc. fucking nearly smashed my phone twice.

Fuck you.

I'd rather try and break into auschwitz than ring these fucking wankers.

 

If you want to leave sky, you need to book some time off work sonny jim. Cunts.

 

(sorry if anyones offended by the auschwitz comment)

[Pureblood]

Automated voices when you try calling someone. Sky, DVLA, The Bank, fucking hate them. hate them with a passion.

Just tried ringing the DVLA, if anyone has a spare 3 hours, try talking to someone. Try it. Go on, no, you will get endless drivel from the most boring sounding cunt on the planet. 2 minute description of option 1, fucking pick this, choose that, if you need to do this then do it by post goodbye etc etc. fucking nearly smashed my phone twice.

Fuck you.

I'd rather try and break into auschwitz than ring these fucking wankers.

 

If you want to leave sky, you need to book some time off work sonny jim. Cunts.

 

(sorry if anyones offended by the auschwitz comment)

 

The worst is when they ring you and then "take you through security". Well enough is enough. I am going to devise some security questions of my own and they will be damn hard to answer.

[PestiRed]

Automated voices when you try calling someone. Sky, DVLA, The Bank, fucking hate them. hate them with a passion.

Just tried ringing the DVLA, if anyone has a spare 3 hours, try talking to someone. Try it. Go on, no, you will get endless drivel from the most boring sounding cunt on the planet. 2 minute description of option 1, fucking pick this, choose that, if you need to do this then do it by post goodbye etc etc. fucking nearly smashed my phone twice.

Fuck you.

I'd rather try and break into auschwitz than ring these fucking wankers.

 

If you want to leave sky, you need to book some time off work sonny jim. Cunts.

 

(sorry if anyones offended by the auschwitz comment)

 

Never try to use the IVR. Whenever prompted shout fuck off at it until you get a human - this does work with most of them

[Bjornebye]

Never try to use the IVR. Whenever prompted shout fuck off at it until you get a human - this does work with most of them

 

I'll try that next time. I waited to get through to sky for ages once and as I got through i was so pissed off that is said 'it is fucking ridiculous having to wait that long to speak to someone' and the prick hung-up on me. For the next minute if I had been within 10 minutes of the office the cunt worked in I was fit to go and strangle the little twat.

[Chairman Meow]

The DVLA are one of the worst for it.

 

They've closed our local office so I now have to get my trade plates through Swansea. Recorded delivery received by them on th 28th of last month and still don't have my new disc. Dreading phoning them so ignoring it for the time being and I'll wait a week or so before I kick off.

 

The local offices had their faults but centralising it will cause havoc for the motor trade side of things.

[Bjornebye]

The DVLA are one of the worst for it.

 

They've closed our local office so I now have to get my trade plates through Swansea. Recorded delivery received by them on th 28th of last month and still don't have my new disc. Dreading phoning them so ignoring it for the time being and I'll wait a week or so before I kick off.

 

The local offices had their faults but centralising it will cause havoc for the motor trade side of things.

 

mate if you ring 0300 7906801 then press option 7 you get right through. Only just found out, took ages listening through them all.

[Captain Turdseye]

Piss-taking cunts.

 

Was at home earlier when my bird gets a text off her ma who lives over the road saying do we want to come over for a BBQ. I wasn't that keen as we were there on Saturday and Sunday but I've agreed to it anyway. Next thing her ma says they've only got burgers and sausages, can we bring more food with us so we went to Tesco, for chicken, ribs, kebabs, etc. Just got here now and I've been asked to do the fucking cooking. Pissed me right off.

 

I could have stayed at home, it's her turn to cook tonight. Now I'm over here paying for their tea, cooking their tea and listening to her ma's shit rambling. The baby's screaming when she was nice and settled at home too. Fucking cunting twatting pricks.

 

Oh, and the BBQ I'm cooking on, we gave it to them last week after we bought a new one. Fuck off.

[RedKnight]

They've done you there. I almost admire their moxie.

[Adebisi]

Bloke on the bus today threw his toys out the pram because I wasn't impressed by his fucking Dynamo video on his phone.

 

'yeah mate that's a decent illusion like. Looks pretty real though!'

What dya mean? He's magic mate, have you not seen his other videos?!

'not really mate it's not my thing. It's not really magic is it..?'

Are ya fucking daft? How else would be do it? Do you see owt holding him to the bus?

'well no but I'm looking at a small screen and it wouldn't be a good illusion if I could see the harness would it?'

Its not a fucking illusion daft cunt!

'alright mate I'm just saying..'

When you get in tonight go on YouTube and just type his name in. Hes done loads of things!

'alright mate yeah will do..'

 

I then put my earphones back in and looked out the window. Fucking dizzy mong.

[Liverpool lad]

Piss-taking cunts.

 

Was at home earlier when my bird gets a text off her ma who lives over the road saying do we want to come over for a BBQ. I wasn't that keen as we were there on Saturday and Sunday but I've agreed to it anyway. Next thing her ma says they've only got burgers and sausages' date=' can we bring more food with us so we went to Tesco, for chicken, ribs, kebabs, etc. Just got here now and I've been asked to do the fucking cooking. Pissed me right off.

 

I could have stayed at home, it's her turn to cook tonight. Now I'm over here paying for their tea, cooking their tea and listening to her ma's shit rambling. The baby's screaming when she was nice and settled at home too. Fucking cunting twatting pricks.

 

Oh, and the BBQ I'm cooking on, we gave it to them last week after we bought a new one. Fuck off.[/quote']

 

They have made a cunt of you there

[zigackly]

Piss-taking cunts.

 

Was at home earlier when my bird gets a text off her ma who lives over the road saying do we want to come over for a BBQ. I wasn't that keen as we were there on Saturday and Sunday but I've agreed to it anyway. Next thing her ma says they've only got burgers and sausages, can we bring more food with us so we went to Tesco, for chicken, ribs, kebabs, etc. Just got here now and I've been asked to do the fucking cooking. Pissed me right off.

 

I could have stayed at home, it's her turn to cook tonight. Now I'm over here paying for their tea, cooking their tea and listening to her ma's shit rambling. The baby's screaming when she was nice and settled at home too. Fucking cunting twatting pricks.

 

Oh, and the BBQ I'm cooking on, we gave it to them last week after we bought a new one. Fuck off.

 

You know what to do fella. Shitfinger their burgers.