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Sugar Ape

Have a rant thread

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Anything you want to get off your chest? Work pissing you off? The state of the music industry these days? The Tories? Bono? Funnneeeee? Get it out in the open here.

 

I am most pissed off today at working in an office. Specifically, working with middle aged women with children. Get it into your heads, I do not want to hear every last detail of what your fucking child does. I don't care about their open evening, I don't care what they had for tea, I don't care that they have a fucking boyfriend aged 5. I. Do. Not. Fucking. Care.

 

My mind is melting listening to them every day.

 

Woman " what did you think of Celebrity Juice last night " ( For the 10th time of asking )

Me " I don't watch it "

Woman " why "

Me " I don't find it funny. In fact, it's shit "

Woman speaking at jet engine level " WHAT!!! Did you hear that, he doesn't like celebrity Juice "

Numerous other women ( and to be fair, men ) You don't like Celebrity Juice? What programmes do you watch then?

Me " Loads, Breaking bad, Dexter, Sons of anarchy, The American office, plenty really...."

Woman " Never watched any of them. Do you watch Geordie Shore? "

Me " No "

Woman " The only way is Essex "

Me " No "

Woman screams " Hey, he doesnt watch Geordie Shore or Towie either "

Me * Cries *

 

If it isn't that it's non stop celeb gossip. Peter Andre, Jordan, Natalie Cassidy, it's relentless.

 

Anyway, now that's off my chest I'm going to have a few bottles of Peroni.

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I cant believe you dont like Celebrity Juice.

 

Feels anger rising again. Negged just in case you're being serious.

 

Work in the CRB Acid.

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Anything you want to get off your chest? Work pissing you off? The state of the music industry these days? The Tories? Bono? Funnneeeee? Get it out in the open here.

 

I am most pissed off today at working in an office. Specifically, working with middle aged women with children. Get it into your heads, I do not want to hear every last detail of what your fucking child does. I don't care about their open evening, I don't care what they had for tea, I don't care that they have a fucking boyfriend aged 5. I. Do. Not. Fucking. Care.

 

Yeah, those two would be in my top ten pet dislikes as well.

The only kids I find remotely interesting are my own and even them not all the time.

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Cup cakes. Fuck right off. You're not in Sex and the City. They're shit fairy cakes that have been around for years. Theyr'e not 'cool', they don't make you look 'sexy'. Lay off the cakes and have some fruit. If you have to, have a scone or a victoria sponge.

 

Twats.

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What the fuck do women keep in their handbags? Takes the fuckers nearly 5 minutes to use the self-service checkout in Tesco because they have to spend half of that rummaging through their bag to find their purse. Have the money ready, you arseholes.

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Also, how is it possible that the owners of shops can employ people to work at the tills who have got warts or something horrible like that on their hands? I don't expect to have to risk the chance of that shit spreading onto my hands when I receive my change.

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Guest ShoePiss

I've just discovered that towie is an acronym for the only way is essex. Do people pronounce it like blowie?

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Why do people take a thousand lottery tickets into the shop and say "can you check these?"? Check them yourself you lazy fucking degenerate gambling addict. It's a lottery machine- not your personal slot machine. And why is it always on a Saturday morning?

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I cant believe you dont like Celebrity Juice.

 

It's wank, Keith Lemon is a talentless cunt.

 

My Rant-

Boss on Tuesday: When are you doing that valuation

Me: Friday when it's due, I'm off next week

Boss: Fine , let me see it before it goes.

Me today(on phone to boss): Do you want me to email that valuation to you seeing as your not in (without it being on the holiday board)

Boss:When does it have to be sent ?

Me: Today

Boss: For fucks sake

Me: Sorry, we had discussed this

Boss: So, I'm supposed to tell you when I'm off now.

Me: That's not what i meant

Boss: Just text me the fucking numbers, i can't get my email (slams phone down)

 

 

Cunt - don't mind a bollocking when I've fucked up, don't expect it when i haven't.

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Cup cakes. Fuck right off. You're not in Sex and the City. They're shit fairy cakes that have been around for years. Theyr'e not 'cool', they don't make you look 'sexy'. Lay off the cakes and have some fruit. If you have to, have a scone or a victoria sponge.

 

Twats.

 

Love that, also the fact that every woman with a fucking apron (which incidentally should be EVERY woman) thinks they're Richard Branson because they can make them and sell them on social websites,jog on.

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Love that, also the fact that every woman with a fucking apron (which incidentally should be EVERY woman) thinks they're Richard Branson because they can make them and sell them on social websites,jog on.

 

Now you mention it, that is true. What the fuck is that all about?

  • Upvote 1

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Special fucking needs labels - fuck off! Your kids got special needs? Unless it's missing a limb, an extra chromosome or some other decent level anomaly, do-one.

 

 

ADHD? No your kid is quite possibly just a twat, give it a few extra slaps and it may not be such a twat.

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Here goes...

 

you go out at dinnertime, dont want to but you have to, stuff needs doing. Get to the car park, its rammed, and some fucker cant be arsed parking properly. Its not a Hummer, or an Audi Q7, its a little piece of shit car, a Corsa or a Fiat Uno, and its across the white line at one side, rendering the adjacent parking space useless.

 

I would take a fucking crowbar to these cars, and then when the owners came back I would show them how to park, again assisted by the crowbar.

 

Its just idle and inconsiderate. There....thank you.

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Why when your walking through town in the day do people not look where they are fucking going? Church Street is one busy old stretch so why do women think texting on their phone as they are walking is a good fucking idea? Why do oldies stop dead in their tracks at the sight of something in Thomas Cooks window? Have some consideration for others you cunts.

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