*Shakes head* Everton again.

[bouncebrigade]

Lazar Markovic's Dad is to be tried at The Hague for war crimes during the Balkan war which is why his form has been shite due to worrying too much.

 

Lallana beat up his old neighbour over a row about his basketball pitch and got Pancake to threaten him to drop the charges.

 

Ricky Lamberts dad didn't get sacked from Matalan over stealing a cup of coffee, he sold beak to kids on his lunch hour. Some fellas Dad who works with him told me but its not common knowledge yet because they are trying to settle out of court.

 

Reina got sold to Bayern because he got some bird from Belle Vale pregnant and the club didn't want the press knowing.

 

The real reason Gerrards legs have gone is because he's been shagging some bird who works at the Vincent Hotel in Southport. She does him with a strap on which has limited his mobility and recovery time.

 

Carragher packed in a year early as his secret Everton tattoo gave him gangrene and he had to have his arm amputated.

 

Excellent work my friend.

 

I reckon the Lambert one is true.  I mean, you couldn't make it up.

[Harry Squatter]

We sent Origi out on loan a year early so he wouldn't take Lukakus place in the national team and make him look like a lumbering cart horse who can only be bothered playing when he feels like it. Oh hang on...

[Bjornebye]

Markovic is actually Marko from Tropojia

 

And he is in the shit

[Dr Nowt]

Mignolet is descended from Tiny Tim.

[Harry Squatter]

Raheem Sterling has got more than 120 local slags pregnant as he attempts to build his own master race like Drax in Moonraker.

[Paulie Dangerously]

The tranny Rodgers was shagging has had a super injunction placed on her to stop her selling her story to the S*n.

 

Mignolet is having poor form because he was spotted snorting gear in the Beaconsfield in town

[Trumo]

Nil Facts Shit Stirring Optimum.

[Boss]

Martin Kelly was forced to leave Liverpool because he was selling chipped versions of Excel spreadsheet on ebay.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Andre Wisdom is not on loan he is still lost in the woods and we don't have to pay him.

 

Emre Can's uncle Dede sells cat Kebabs on West Derby Rd.

 

Adam Lallana is David Beckham's little brother but he was adopted by gypsies at birth.

 

Claire Rourke and Steve Hunter are an item. They were seen holding hands and eating ice cream in Chester.

 

Colin Pascoe  moonlights as a hat stretcher for Jacamo.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Nabil El Zhar is still on the liverpool payroll as Houllier kept him as a house-boy for years and the club need to stop it getting out. My mate picked them up in his cab once and el zhar had to go in the boot

[Harry Squatter]

Agger was a regular user of crack cocaine and his body could no longer take it. He covered his arms in tattoos as he also used to inject Heroin into his arms and the tattoos made it difficult for people to see the holes and bruises. He had to sell his gaff in Lark Lane to Pancake to pay off a local drug dealer. The dealer told him that he had to leave Liverpool, this is why he started crying at Melwood. The only club who would take his smack riddled body on was his old team Brondby who felt sorry for him.

 

The President of Brondby had to take out a 5 million pound insurance policy on him and the main condition was thy Agger had to go to a rehab clinic in Copenhagen. Some fella in the pub who knows a taxi driver told me so it must be true.

[chris71]

Aggar left for his home club because you get a better cut of Charlie there.

[Boss]

Did you know that Lazar Markovic's dad fled Serbia for Portugal after the Kosovan war because he was set to be tried at the Hague for war crimes? Markovic developed a bad smack addiction in Portugal and ended up having to leave Benfica because he was running a sex trafficking ring within the club. He'd smuggle poor Serbian girls into Portugal and drug them up to the eyeballs on smack before letting all the Benfica players have a go.

 

Martin Skrtel was a part of it too lad, that's why Liverpool had to buy Markovic. The Portuguese police threatened to blow the whole lid off the thing, so Liverpool brought Markovic over to England because the portuguese police didn't have power of extradition, saving Skrtel from being exposed. It's true lad, Dave in Taff's Tavern told me.

[Bjornebye]

Coutinho has been turning up at primary schools all over childwall dressed as a school kid so he can get a free dinner because the club is fuming with him for having no pubes.

 

Honest to god lad. Me mates cousins ex fellas uncle saw him

[Mook]

When the players are resting after a hard game, Mike Marsh likes to hang around outside local Primary schools dressed as a post box. 

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

Raheem Sterling is a benefit fraudster.

 

He doesn't really need 2 days off after a game. He just says this so he doesn't have to train on Monday mornings, as that's when he has to sign on at Garston Job Centre under the pseudonym of Sterling Raheem, so that he gets JSA, which he needs to supplement his wages as he has 178 kids to pay for.

[an tha]

Me mates wife is a receptionist at the dentists on Sheil Road, Brendan Rodgers had his teeth done there and he was in his car on the car park whilst she was outside having a crafty bifter and he couldn't see her and she overheard him on his phone talking to Luis Suarez because Suarez knew that Rodgers had been bumming Lucas's wife and was threatening to tell Rodgers' new tart if he didn't let him go. That is why he was sold to Barcelona for what was actually 25m -Gods honest truth that, lid. 

[Harry Squatter]

When El Hadj Diouf turned up at Melwood with his boyfriend, Hyypia, Gerrard and Carragher all kicked the living shit out of him. They all had to go on diversity training in a flat above the Lisbon. The club pushed them into the flat in wheelie bins so they wouldn't be seen incase everyone thought they were going for a gay orgy. My dad is the manager if the Lisbon and he said it was true.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Balotelli is Harvey Price's biological father which is why Dwight Yorke doesn't bother with him much. When Peter Andre found out he knocked Balotelli out with a one-bomb which is why City sold him

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

They've sold out the Villa game!

 

Naturally, GOT starts a thread celebrating such a noteworthy achievement....

 

http://www.grandoldteam.com/forum/threads/villa-game-sold-out.70461/

[an tha]

It took 21 posts before.....

 

"We go the game" 

 

Well done lads, you go the game - nobody else clearly does.....

[Robbo29]

Just been looking at that. Cannot believe some of the posts on there. You could not make it up

[Harry Squatter]

If you play shite, they will come.

[Harry Squatter]

Robbie Fowler used to take that much smack he was used in a case study for the NHS on heroin addicts. Liverpool replaced most of his vital organs over the course of 8 years. The hospital that they used in Liverpool ran out of replacement organs so Liverpool sold him to Leeds as there was a few hospitals nearby there. He had his septum replaced 3 times before being sold to Man City. I read this on the big walls in the first national pub so it has to be true.

[Harry Squatter]

They've sold out the Villa game!Naturally, GOT starts a thread celebrating such a noteworthy achievement....http://www.grandoldteam.com/forum/threads/villa-game-sold-out.70461/

Naismith was giving away loads of free tickets in Poland last night