The world of a woman.

[VladimirIlyich]

We were in the cinema for Star Wars before Christmas and there was a trailer of The Greatest Showman or some shit. My wife says ‘Doesn’t Michelle Williams look different?’. I think she looks exactly the same so just grunt.

 

We’re in the car and go past a billboard for this film.

 

‘Oh that’s a billboard for that film I fancied, doesn’t Michelle Williams look different’

‘That’s Rebecca Ferguson on the billboard’

‘Don’t take the piss out of me’

......

That's an argument I couldn't have with my missus as I've never heard of either of them,and neither has my missus!

[Scott_M]

That Harry Potter tattoo, despite Harry Potter being the height of lameness & it being a somewhat basic tattoo, I don’t see a massive problem with it. It’s on her foot so you’ll barely ever see it and it’s her body to do what she wants, if Harry Potter means something to her, no matter our opinion of it, that’s it fine.

 

I’ve a LFC tattoo on my back and a Metallica tattoo on my right forearm. Both mean a lot to me, fuck anybody who doesn’t like them.

[Captain Turdseye]

My sister had a tiny picture of a camel tattooed on her toe. She thought she was hilarious but the novelty quickly wore off and now she’s stuck with a shit tattoo.

[Elite]

My sister had a tiny picture of a camel tattooed on her toe. She thought she was hilarious but the novelty quickly wore off and now she’s stuck with a shit tattoo.

Did it take long for her to get the 'hump'?

[manwiththestick]

My sister had a tiny picture of a camel tattooed on her toe. She thought she was hilarious but the novelty quickly wore off and now she’s stuck with a shit tattoo.

As most people are to be fair.

[Alan Sex]

The Mrs got angry when I suggested this morning that buttering toaster waffles and putting them in a vertical toaster to melt the butter is a bad idea.

 

If I die when the house burns down from a horrible grease fire, someone please put “I told you so” on my gravestone.

[lifetime fan]

To be fair though Col, she's had to have tattoo to look like a twat.

 

For you, it's all natural.

 

Oh it’s effortless for me.

[sir roger]

Not a usual habitue of this thread as I grudgingly admit my mrs isn't too bad , but I copped for an odd comment at breakfast this morning & I wanted to run it past the sages on here. 

 

Basically I am making the tea & she starts pissing herself laughing and says that she had never noticed before that I ' stirred the wrong way '. It seems that I stir anti-clockwise and this is apparently 'wrong '. I was baffled but am ready to be castigated if this is a 'thing'.

[Dougie Do'ins]

I had a missed call from my middle sister two weeks ago. As it was late when I seen she'd tried to call me I couldn't be arsed to call back as it was only one attempt to call so it obviously wasn't important. In the end I totally forgot about it and never received another call from her. Anyway, fast forward to Saturday night and we're at my youngest sisters 30th wedding anniversary and we're all sat on the same table. The following conversation takes place.

 

MS - Michael, do you not believe in returning phone calls ?

 

Me - I haven't had a call of you are you sure you rang me ?

 

MS - Yes hang on. (she gets her phone out and checks the call log)

 

MS - Yes I told you. Not last Sunday but the one before that. (so basically two week ago)

 

At this point her husband face going red and he's trying not to piss himself laughing but is visibly shaking.

 

Me - Oh yeah. I remember that but it was late so I decided not to call back as it obviously wasn't important as you only tried to call once. 

 

I then get looked at like I'm the worst bastard on the planet.

 

Me -So what were you trying to call me for ?

 

MS - I was wondering if you could take us to the airport. The flight is at 7:00 pm but we need to be there two hours before the flight.

 

(OK I didn't help myself here but I just assumed that she was going to Manchester airport seeing she was asking for a lift)

 

Me - Yes OK as long as I'm not in work. When is it ?

 

MS - It's a Tuesday.

 

( I don't think it was unreasonable of me to think she either meant this or next Tuesday)

 

Me - OK but I'll have to rescheduled my day off. BTW, I'd leave mid afternoon as the traffic at that time can be a bit tricky especially if there's an accident. You do know you can get the train direct from Lime Street ?

 

MS - Oh really. I didn't know that. (out comes the phone again and I presume she's checking train times)

 

MS - It says here that there are no trains.

 

ME - Are you sure ?

 

MS - Yes here you are look for yourself. ( shows me her phone)

 

Me - That's impossible, There's regular trains to Manchester every hour during the day.

 

Then there's a period of silence and I'm getting vague looks from her.

 

MS - But I'm not going to Manchester I'm going to Liverpool.

 

It's been a long night and her husband breaks out in fits of laughter and my head is now in my hands. I;m still getting vague looks from her.

 

Me - OK then well that makes things much simpler. When are you going ?

 

MS - The third week in May.

 

Everyone else around the table is pissing themselves laughing except her and me.

 

Me - Are you fucking serious ? ( It's very rare for me to swear in fro of family) Your trying to call me three weeks into January to give you a lift to Liverpool airport the end of May ?

 

MS - Well I just thought I'd ask you early so your not doing anything else. 

 

Me - Get the bus from town.

 

MS - What ?

 

Me - Do you honestly think I'm making an arrangement now to take you to Liverpool airport at the end of fucking May ? Get the 500 bus from Liverpool 1

 

MS - Oh can you get the bus to Liverpool airport ? I didn't know that.

 

There's times when I fucking rue the day I passed my driving test and own a car. That was one of those times.

[Furmedge]

Not a usual habitue of this thread as I grudgingly admit my mrs isn't too bad , but I copped for an odd comment at breakfast this morning & I wanted to run it past the sages on here. 

 

Basically I am making the tea & she starts pissing herself laughing and says that she had never noticed before that I ' stirred the wrong way '. It seems that I stir anti-clockwise and this is apparently 'wrong '. I was baffled but am ready to be castigated if this is a 'thing'.

 

She must think I'm a weirdo too.

[Champ]

Not a usual habitue of this thread as I grudgingly admit my mrs isn't too bad , but I copped for an odd comment at breakfast this morning & I wanted to run it past the sages on here.

 

Basically I am making the tea & she starts pissing herself laughing and says that she had never noticed before that I ' stirred the wrong way '. It seems that I stir anti-clockwise and this is apparently 'wrong '. I was baffled but am ready to be castigated if this is a 'thing'.

Is she left handed?

 

Or maybe it’s a woman thing. I am left handed and stir things clockwise

[Pureblood]

Yeah, it sounds like a normal person/southpaw thing.

[Trumo]

I had a missed call from my middle sister two weeks ago. As it was late when I seen she'd tried to call me I couldn't be arsed to call back as it was only one attempt to call so it obviously wasn't important. In the end I totally forgot about it and never received another call from her. Anyway, fast forward to Saturday night and we're at my youngest sisters 30th wedding anniversary and we're all sat on the same table. The following conversation takes place.

 

MS - Michael, do you not believe in returning phone calls ?

 

Me - I haven't had a call of you are you sure you rang me ?

 

MS - Yes hang on. (she gets her phone out and checks the call log)

 

MS - Yes I told you. Not last Sunday but the one before that. (so basically two week ago)

 

At this point her husband face going red and he's trying not to piss himself laughing but is visibly shaking.

 

Me - Oh yeah. I remember that but it was late so I decided not to call back as it obviously wasn't important as you only tried to call once. 

 

I then get looked at like I'm the worst bastard on the planet.

 

Me -So what were you trying to call me for ?

 

MS - I was wondering if you could take us to the airport. The flight is at 7:00 pm but we need to be there two hours before the flight.

 

(OK I didn't help myself here but I just assumed that she was going to Manchester airport seeing she was asking for a lift)

 

Me - Yes OK as long as I'm not in work. When is it ?

 

MS - It's a Tuesday.

 

( I don't think it was unreasonable of me to think she either meant this or next Tuesday)

 

Me - OK but I'll have to rescheduled my day off. BTW, I'd leave mid afternoon as the traffic at that time can be a bit tricky especially if there's an accident. You do know you can get the train direct from Lime Street ?

 

MS - Oh really. I didn't know that. (out comes the phone again and I presume she's checking train times)

 

MS - It says here that there are no trains.

 

ME - Are you sure ?

 

MS - Yes here you are look for yourself. ( shows me her phone)

 

Me - That's impossible, There's regular trains to Manchester every hour during the day.

 

Then there's a period of silence and I'm getting vague looks from her.

 

MS - But I'm not going to Manchester I'm going to Liverpool.

 

It's been a long night and her husband breaks out in fits of laughter and my head is now in my hands. I;m still getting vague looks from her.

 

Me - OK then well that makes things much simpler. When are you going ?

 

MS - The third week in May.

 

Everyone else around the table is pissing themselves laughing except her and me.

 

Me - Are you fucking serious ? ( It's very rare for me to swear in fro of family) Your trying to call me three weeks into January to give you a lift to Liverpool airport the end of May ?

 

MS - Well I just thought I'd ask you early so your not doing anything else. 

 

Me - Get the bus from town.

 

MS - What ?

 

Me - Do you honestly think I'm making an arrangement now to take you to Liverpool airport at the end of fucking May ? Get the 500 bus from Liverpool 1

 

MS - Oh can you get the bus to Liverpool airport ? I didn't know that.

 

There's times when I fucking rue the day I passed my driving test and own a car. That was one of those times.

 

Oh there'll be a sequel to this for sure.

[cloggypop]

Not a usual habitue of this thread as I grudgingly admit my mrs isn't too bad , but I copped for an odd comment at breakfast this morning & I wanted to run it past the sages on here.

 

Basically I am making the tea & she starts pissing herself laughing and says that she had never noticed before that I ' stirred the wrong way '. It seems that I stir anti-clockwise and this is apparently 'wrong '. I was baffled but am ready to be castigated if this is a 'thing'.

Are you in the Northern or Southern Hemisphere?

[Fowlers God]

Younger Sister, 30th Wedding anniversary, Fucking hell Mick how old are you?

[Champ]

Younger Sister, 30th Wedding anniversary, Fucking hell Mick how old are you?

Just a boy

[Creator Supreme]

Younger Sister, 30th Wedding anniversary, Fucking hell Mick how old are you?

Same class at school as Methuselah!

[Captain Turdseye]

I never had Dougie down as the kind of guy that would so openly mock MS.

[lifetime fan]

Younger Sister, 30th Wedding anniversary, Fucking hell Mick how old are you?

 

Was my thought too!

 

He’s looking good on it and makes his cycling feats even more remarkable.

[Fowlers God]

Was my thought too!

 

He’s looking good on it and makes his cycling feats even more remarkable.

Exactly.

[Champ]

Was my thought too!

 

He’s looking good on it and makes his cycling feats even more remarkable.

Just showing the rest of you up!

[Dougie Do'ins]

Younger Sister, 30th Wedding anniversary, Fucking hell Mick how old are you?

I was 50 in December mate.

[VladimirIlyich]

I was 50 in December mate.

Shit! Another poster younger than me. Fuckin' whippersnappers on here.

If it wasn't for Stringy I'd feel as old a the first sepia photograph.

[Robbo29]

its OK  Vlad, im 58 this year

[deiseach]

Shit! Another poster younger than me. Fuckin' whippersnappers on here.

If it wasn't for Stringy I'd feel as old a the first sepia photograph.

 

You look well-preserved to me.

 

Literally...