The world of a woman.

[Curly]

Plans for the afternoon are to visit an open house across town and drop my daughter off in another part of town even farther away. Daughter needs to be there by 2:30 open house ends at 4, The wife and daughter argue back and forth for a bit about when to leave with my wife making constant changes of her mind. it's 1:10 when I say we'll take to her friends first and see the house on the way home. All agree. I tell my wife we'll have to leave by 2:10 she agrees. 1:25 she looks at me will I have time to wash my hair? I reply that I have no idea how long she needs to wash her hair, all I know is we have to leave at 2:10.

 

Of course that prompted the death stare on her way out the room to the shower.

Haha. You've done well there. I end up getting sucked in with "well how long does it take to wash your hair?" and before I know it I'm tangled in a web of over complication and confusion.

[lifetime fan]

We were both getting ready to go out for a meal on Saturday evening, she's in the shower and I'm having a shave.

 

She uses up the end of one bottle of shower gel and then starts the next, but being a total klutz she drops the new one breaking the lid. As she gets out the shower she tells me the new bottle of shower gel is leaking because she had broken the lid on it. I told her they were both exactly the same and to just swap them over.

 

I then watched her take the unbroken lid off the empty bottle and spend 20 minutes squeezing the shower gel from the bottle with the broken lid into the empty bottle. 

 

I didn't have the heart to tell her (I was enjoying it far too much!) and just loved watching every minute of her squeezing the bottle and then having to stop and wait for the shower gel to work it's way back down so she could squeeze more in.

 

I fought like crazy to not just piss myself laughing - but totally lost it when she then took the broken lid off the 'new' bottle to rinse it out for the recycling.

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

Wasn't sure where to post this.

 

A series of photos of disgruntled men spotted waiting for their significant other in shops etc in Spain.

 

http://www.antena3.com/liopardo/hematocritico/senores-abismo_201804065ac74d010cf2d00c34e07339.html

[Fowlers God]

We were both getting ready to go out for a meal on Saturday evening, she's in the shower and I'm having a shave.

 

She uses up the end of one bottle of shower gel and then starts the next, but being a total klutz she drops the new one breaking the lid. As she gets out the shower she tells me the new bottle of shower gel is leaking because she had broken the lid on it. I told her they were both exactly the same and to just swap them over.

 

I then watched her take the unbroken lid off the empty bottle and spend 20 minutes squeezing the shower gel from the bottle with the broken lid into the empty bottle.

 

I didn't have the heart to tell her (I was enjoying it far too much!) and just loved watching every minute of her squeezing the bottle and then having to stop and wait for the shower gel to work it's way back down so she could squeeze more in.

 

I fought like crazy to not just piss myself laughing - but totally lost it when she then took the broken lid off the 'new' bottle to rinse it out for the recycling.

This is fucking brilliant.

[Guest]

[Harry Squatter]

Not sure whether this should go in the have a rant thread or this one. My Mrs two mates are a pair of self absorbed twats who seem to think being ill is some form of competition.

 

My Mrs got rushed to hospital on Thursday after she thought she had a heart attack. We've been under pressure a lot recently and she's had the added worry of putting her mum in a care home.

 

I had taken the day off already and we planned to take my daughter out but we spent the entire day at the hospital waiting for ecg and blood tests to confirm whether she was OK. Luckily she was OK and the doctors put it down to stress and anxiety. She was ordered to have a few days rest.

 

Anyway, one of her mates whatsapped her asking her what she was doing next week and if she wanted to meet up. This woman always needs to be entertained and usually just talks about herself non stop.

 

My Mrs replies and explains what happened and that she will be spending the week relaxing or sleeping. But instead of asking her how she is the other mate just dismisses everything she says and just says "I'll probably do the same next week as I haven't been well myself". Not how are you, are you OK. Fuck all. Then the other one replies and tells her about how she got rushed to hospital 6 years ago. Absolute pair of cunts, the first thought in both of their heads was to outdo her and make it about them.

[Anny Road]

Just had a blazing row with a stupid woman while I was watching JC on the Marr program.

He called him a coward a proceed to say how brave and strong May was. I countered her nonsense by asking how dropping bombs on Syria could in any way be good for the population. Of which half a million are already dead.

9 11 was then mentioned with the implication that US lives are more relevant than Arabs. Apparently the population in the Middle East are responsible for their own situation Told her to fuck off which produced tears and she is now off to church. Fucking hypocrite.

[Lee909]

 

White Christian Lives Matter Most

 

Not quiet as catchy admittedly

[lifetime fan]

Went out for the morning with the wife, mother in law and wife’s Grandma. Was supposed to be a nice morning taking her Grandma out from the home and then go for Sunday dinner.

 

All three of them fell out each other, taking it in turns to gang up in pairs on the other one for a bit.

 

It was like being out with 3 brat children and all three said I was rude for wandering off and just walking around the garden centre on my own.

 

Fucking witches.

[Anny Road]

My house is like that permanently until I butt in and they all turn on me.

The one thing that unites them is giving dad shit.

[lifetime fan]

Why the fuck would I want to know what a ‘moon cup’ is and should she start to use one to help the environment?

 

 

Warning! The following content is NOT WORK SAFE. Click the Show button to reveal.

https://www.mooncup.co.uk/which-size-mooncup/

[General Dryness]

Yeah I've heard of those Col. Surely if she wanted to start using one she should just go ahead, not sure why she needs a second opinion. Especially from a bloke.

[lifetime fan]

Yeah I've heard of those Col. Surely if she wanted to start using one she should just go ahead, not sure why she needs a second opinion. Especially from a bloke.

 

 

She wants to help the environment then fair enough, there's just no fucking need to ask me, what possible opinion could I give her?

[Mook]

Are they not what the Clangers drink their tea out of?

[Anny Road]

Advice for ladies.

When someone casually asks you how are you doing. It is just small talk, politeness, like saying hello. It gives the impression that you care for someone else’s wellbeing.

The reality is that the person asking could not give a flying fuck and certainly does not want a detailed explanation of your state of mind followed by hourly updates to keep him updated.

[TheBitch]

6000 miles away from my Mrs and she's asking how to use the hose. Is it possible to get another 6000?

 

Edit: Miles. Not Mrs.

[Trumo]

6000 miles away from my Mrs and she's asking how to use the hose. Is it possible to get another 6000?

 

Edit: Miles. Not Mrs.

 

I hope you told her to look at the nozzle when turning it on. The hose that is, not your charm!

[TheBitch]

I hope you told her to look at the nozzle when turning it on. The hose that is, not your charm!

Missed a trick here. She would definitely have gone for that.

[Harry Squatter]

 

My mate said he went the Trafford Centre yesterday and he left his wallet in the car after they had got to the till in a shop. Him and his Mrs had to go out and walk for ages in the car park and his Mrs was just moaning at him and pissing him off bringing every mistake up he'd made for the past 5 years. He said he lost his rag with her big time and she stormed off. It reminded me of this scene in Jackie Brown minus the storming off.

 

Every man has been here at some point.

[Oh Buoy]

Woke up in the middle of the night and just pissed all over the floor - tried to wipe it up with some tissue but the roll wouldn't unstick (new bog roll) and thought I'll do it in the morning. 

 

She gets up straight after me and notices the big puddle of piss next to the bog and goes "what's that on the floor? I think the toilet is leaking - for fucks sake". 

 

She now wants me to call a plumber to get it fixed but can't bring myself to tell her what happened so just pretended to call someone. 

 

Told her I'll fix it when she's at work. 

 

Fucking hell.

[Bob]

Woke up in the middle of the night and just pissed all over the floor - tried to wipe it up with some tissue but the roll wouldn't unstick (new bog roll) and thought I'll do it in the morning.

 

She gets up straight after me and notices the big puddle of piss next to the bog and goes "what's that on the floor? I think the toilet is leaking - for fucks sake".

 

She now wants me to call a plumber to get it fixed but can't bring myself to tell her what happened so just pretended to call someone.

 

Told her I'll fix it when she's at work.

 

Fucking hell.

Scruff.

[Captain Turdseye]

Woke up in the middle of the night and just pissed all over the floor - tried to wipe it up with some tissue but the roll wouldn't unstick (new bog roll) and thought I'll do it in the morning.

 

She gets up straight after me and notices the big puddle of piss next to the bog and goes "what's that on the floor? I think the toilet is leaking - for fucks sake".

 

She now wants me to call a plumber to get it fixed but can't bring myself to tell her what happened so just pretended to call someone.

 

Told her I'll fix it when she's at work.

 

Fucking hell.

I pissed all over my own leg before bed last night. You know when you’ve spunked and your next piss shoots out in different directions? It was like that only I hadn’t had sex and it was just one little offshoot spraying piss straight downwards. Tried to stop/start but it kept happening so I had to do a sit-down wee. Proper freaked me out.

 

Nervous moment this morning when I went to the loo for the first time.

[Oh Buoy]

I pissed all over my own leg before bed last night. You know when you’ve spunked and your next piss shoots out in different directions? It was like that only I hadn’t had sex and it was just one little offshoot spraying piss straight downwards. Tried to stop/start but it kept happening so I had to do a sit-down wee. Proper freaked me out.

 

Nervous moment this morning when I went to the loo for the first time.

 

Sometimes it doesn't even need to be sex to have the garden sprinkler effect. 

 

There's been some close calls in public bathrooms where it could have ended differently. 

 

There's only so much time you can stand at the hand dryer trying to angle your crotch up to dry the piss marks. 

[Evelyn Tentions]

I pissed all over my own leg before bed last night. You know when you’ve spunked and your next piss shoots out in different directions? It was like that only I hadn’t had sex and it was just one little offshoot spraying piss straight downwards. Tried to stop/start but it kept happening so I had to do a sit-down wee. Proper freaked me out.

 

Nervous moment this morning when I went to the loo for the first time.

Should be on the "things that make you realize you're getting older." (or whatever it is) thread

Just be glad you're not pissing over your feet half the time

[Anny Road]

Shagged some bird I met in a pub at the weekend and when I asked did she want another go she asked did I mind if we just cuddled and slept.

Apparently it was so lovely just being in bed with a real man who did not snore all night.