THE TLW TAVERN (no virus talk allowed, just small talk pub bollocks)

[Jennings]

Condom machine is empty again. Which pair used them all?

[AngryOfTuebrook]

2 hours ago, Jennings said:

Condom machine is empty again. Which pair used them all?

@Bjornebye & @Strontium

[redinblack]

Any chance of Racing TV on the telly round the corner please? Got an acca on the go.......ta........

[VladimirIlyich]

2 hours ago, redinblack said:

Any chance of Racing TV on the telly round the corner please? Got an acca on the go.......ta........

Sorry mate. The telly is so old we've only got chariot racing from the Colosseum in Rome available. Got a tip for a fella named Hur though.

[Bjornebye]

Irish Coffee and a packet of Scampi Fries please barman 

[Dave D]

4 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Irish Coffee and a packet of Scampi Fries please barman 

All the coffee glasses got nicked. This should do you though

 

 

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Dave D said:

All the coffee glasses got nicked. This should do you though

 

 

Make me wait 4 hours for a drink again and the pool tables going through the fucking window 

 

Any darts behind the bar? 

[VladimirIlyich]

15 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Make me wait 4 hours for a drink again and the pool tables going through the fucking window 

 

Any darts behind the bar? 

Some fella who works at a fairground left a set. He said they should be ok. Funny that he said not to throw them straight though.

[Dave D]

39 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Make me wait 4 hours for a drink again and the pool tables going through the fucking window 

 

Any darts behind the bar? 

I told you go home last night but you fell over putting your coat on and then I couldn’t wake you 

[Bjornebye]

56 minutes ago, Dave D said:

I told you go home last night but you fell over putting your coat on and then I couldn’t wake you 

 

That was @Captain Turdseye after them 3 Bacardi Breezers 

 

He's sleep under the coats

[Captain Turdseye]

I’m not even drinking. This is obviously one of those boozers that let me roll up a spliff in the corner. 
 

The smell of weed masks all the other stuff. 

[redinblack]

Any sports socks or lighters lads?

[VladimirIlyich]

17 minutes ago, redinblack said:

Any sports socks or lighters lads?

I've got some sports socks. White with brown soles do?

[Dave D]

2 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:
 

The smell of wee masks all the other stuff. 

 
Yep 

[redinblack]

8 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

I've got some sports socks. White with brown soles do?

No mate I'm selling  from this Gola bag here ^

 

Got some Armani aftershave too.....fiver.....Real stuff no rubbish.....pay 50 in a shop for that lad......

[VladimirIlyich]

1 minute ago, redinblack said:

No mate I'm selling  from this Gola bag here ^

 

Got some Armani aftershave too.....fiver.....Real stuff no rubbish.....pay 50 in a shop for that lad......

Got to be the real deal if it's a Gola bag.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Can I have some of them beer mats for my uncle?  He collects them.

[Rushies tash]

26 minutes ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

Can I have some of them beer mats for my uncle?  He collects them.

 

Found these In a box in the attic. He can have them if he wants them.

[TheBitch]

Is @Code in yet?

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Whatever happened to that lass who used to work here?  You know; the one with the arse.

[TheBitch]

51 minutes ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

Whatever happened to that lass who used to work here?  You know; the one with the arse.

Sent a WhatsApp message to Dave slagging him off for always gawping at her arse. 
She was meant to send it to Dawn, the other barmaid with the arse. 
 

 

[redinblack]

Can we have a new box of dominoes please? Double 6 is missing.

[VladimirIlyich]

3 hours ago, redinblack said:

Can we have a new box of dominoes please? Double 6 is missing.

Here's some chalk. Just put some dots on the double blank one. 

[Rushies tash]

There's a domino in the urinals mate, you might want to send a cleaner in.

[VladimirIlyich]

'Hey Landlord,somebody's put beer in the water!'