The world of a woman.

[Hand Shandy]

[Total Longo]

That last part needs more elaboration. This is the GF after all.

 

i don't like to assume, but in Zeb's case i imagine it is pigs related. 

[Paulie Dangerously]

My wife is mostly reasonable about things except when it comes to sleep. If I snore she gets the arse with me, yes I'm sure it's not nice being kept awake but it's involuntary. I've told her dozens of times just to wake me or roll me over. She has done it a couple times but usually she opts for being grumpy about it the next day.

 

This morning between the cat, the duvet and myself she didn't have enough space in bed. So obviously the best thing to do is go downstairs, sleep on the couch, sulk and then moan at me later. Alternatively the second she got up the cat jumps off the bed, I am freed up and there is loads of space to get back in. But why do that when you can complain later and get the arse instead?

 

She constantly duvet hogs, gives me no space and grinds her teeth in her sleep. If drunk she even snores sometimes. But instead of getting arsey about it, I apply a simple remedy and get on with things.

 

You need a king size mate.  As Lady D will testify an extra 6" makes all the difference.

 

Or tell her to get ear plugs.  I have them as Lady D has a snoring issue (she's getting tested for sleep apnia soon, runs in her family) and just pop them in if I can't sleep. 

[Rico1304]

You need a king size mate.  As Lady D will testify an extra 6" makes all the difference.

 

Or tell her to get ear plugs.  I have them as Lady D has a snoring issue (she's getting tested for sleep apnia soon, runs in her family) and just pop them in if I can't sleep.

 

King beds are ace. I'm sure the wife of a forumite also offers a bedroom planning service with excellent scale drawings.

[Paulie Dangerously]

King beds are ace. I'm sure the wife of a forumite also offers a bedroom planning service with excellent scale drawings.

 

I'll have her ready her blueprint kit

 

[VladimirIlyich]

King beds are ace. I'm sure the wife of a forumite also offers a bedroom planning service with excellent scale drawings.

No room for another king in my bedroom.

[Grinch]

She surprised me with Biffy Clyro tickets then got into a stropp at me for being more excited to see them than I am about other things we have planned.

 

A boy can't win.

[Trumo]

She surprised me with Biffy Clyro tickets then got into a stropp at me for being more excited to see them than I am about other things we have planned.

 

A boy can't win.

 

Would it wind her up to point out that those other things weren't a surprise?

[Remmie]

You need a king size mate. As Lady D will testify an extra 6" makes all the difference.

 

Or tell her to get ear plugs. I have them as Lady D has a snoring issue (she's getting tested for sleep apnia soon, runs in her family) and just pop them in if I can't sleep.

Already got a king size bed and she does use plugs l. Most of the time we don't have these issues just once in a while

[Remmie]

You need a king size mate. As Lady D will testify an extra 6" makes all the difference.

 

Or tell her to get ear plugs. I have them as Lady D has a snoring issue (she's getting tested for sleep apnia soon, runs in her family) and just pop them in if I can't sleep.

Already got a king size bed and she does use plugs l. Most of the time we don't have these issues just once in a while

[stringvest]

Sounds like she's looking for an escape route Rem.  Have you checked the way she looks at the milkman?

[lifetime fan]

It's amazing how it's such a problem you snore maybe once a week when you collapse on the bed backwards when pissed and it should be cute and you should cuddle her the other 6 nights a week when she's doing the concord impression.

[PestiRed]

Just informed me that David Attenborough doesn't believe in evolution

 

"Er, think you might have misread that one, love"

[Furmedge]

She moaned last night that the kids toys were making the place look untidy. I looked around and pointed out to her that her shoes in the hall, bag on the stairs, scarf on the chair, work badge and pens on the table, coffee mug on the floor, empty shopping bags in the kitchen and coat hanging off the door weren't helping either. Apparently I was being a twat.

[ZonkoVille77]

^you are describing my wife there.

Fucking nutjobs

[bigbak]

I'm not allowed to make any noise when the baby is asleep in case I wake him up.  The TV is almost silent.  The quietest burp is met with derision.

 

She went for a "free" makeover yesterday and left me with the boy.  He was asleep when she returned home looking identical to every other time she'd put on makeup.

She slammed the front door and woke him up.

After I'd got him back to sleep (20 seconds) I pointed out the door slamming.

Swore blind she hadn't slammed the door.  Brought up every time I'd made a small noise in the last 6 months without waking him up.

[Dr Nowt]

She's doing what sounds like an unutterably hateful course at work, involving role-play, networking, brand-building, pitching ideas to a cavalcade of senior cunts who rip them apart, and all the rest of that corporate, devil's haemorrhoid-chewing fucking soul cancer, yet comes home with a cheerful smile on her face asking if I need her to do anything extra around the place because I've got exams and coursework pending.

 

What would we do without them, lads...AM I RIGHT?

[Champ]

She's doing what sounds like an unutterably hateful course at work, involving role-play, networking, brand-building, pitching ideas to a cavalcade of senior cunts who rip them apart, and all the rest of that corporate, devil's haemorrhoid-chewing fucking soul cancer, yet comes home with a cheerful smile on her face asking if I need her to do anything extra around the place because I've got exams and coursework pending.

 

What would we do without them, lads...AM I RIGHT?

 

Get with the program, Ben

[Beno]

^you are describing my wife there.

Fucking nutjobs

Describing every women there, you mean. Dont forgot days worth of clothes on the bannister, bedroom and bathroom floors.

[manwiththestick]

Went out with our work team at the weekend for a free meal and drinks. Got tagged in a photo on Facebook..

 

Her: Who's the ugly girl you're sat next to?

 

Me: That's Sam. (She's not ugly)

 

Her: Never heard of her, why have you never mentioned her before, is it because you fancy her?

 

Me: I have mentioned her before, I told you about her when she started a few months back, she replaced Ian.

 

Her: Why did you sit next to her?

 

Me: Completly random, we all just sat down.

 

Her: Yeh, I bet. Anyway, she looks like a bitch.

 

Me: ....?

[stringvest]

One of my female mates always says "A tidy house is an unhappy home".  Her house is bloody joyful, because it makes Ma Larkin's gaff look like a Conran showhome. 

[Paulie Dangerously]

Good job I'm not tired about hearing about her from work's holiday that's coming up at new year.  Nope.  Not sick of hearing about it every day.  Not sick of hearing how warm it is.  Not sick of hearing how many days.  Not sick of hearing that "this time in X weeks I'll be on holiday"

 

Good job it's not the 3rd holiday she's had this year and the 3rd time we've had a countdown. 

 

Otherwise I'd be close to giving her a prison jugging 

[Furmedge]

Friday bacon buttie run in work and one of the women is on a diet, so we exclude her from the order. But it's okay, she's having one now because she only had a bowl of porridge for breakfast at home so should be alright to have a buttie, little miss two brekkies.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Friday bacon buttie run in work and one of the women is on a diet, so we exclude her from the order. But it's okay, she's having one now because she only had a bowl of porridge for breakfast at home so should be alright to have a buttie, little miss two brekkies.

 

 

It's ok she wont eat the crusts

[Tj hooker]

Friday bacon buttie run in work and one of the women is on a diet, so we exclude her from the order. But it's okay, she's having one now because she only had a bowl of porridge for breakfast at home so should be alright to have a buttie, little miss two brekkies.

Everyone knows that take a ways on a Friday don't add any calories especially for women on diets