Serious things you shouldn't laugh at

[Bjornebye]

4 hours ago, Section_31 said:

A British pensioner has been paraded with a hood over his head after he was allegedly caught with a £16,000 drug haul in Goa.

I thought @mattyq had been quiet for a few days, go on son 

[Bjornebye]

Hahahaha that fucking rig and that hood..... pissing myself here 

[Strontium]

5 hours ago, Section_31 said:

A British pensioner has been paraded with a hood over his head after he was allegedly caught with a £16,000 drug haul in Goa.

 

Worst bukkake video ever.

[Trumo]

Deadline day midfield reinforcement for the Gimp XI.

[mattyq]

22 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

I thought @mattyq had been quiet for a few days, go on son 

You cheeky devil

Looks more likely yourself getting caught having a danger wank with your missus undies atop your head

[Baresi]

Football.  

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, mattyq said:

You cheeky devil

Looks more likely yourself getting caught having a danger wank with your missus undies atop your head

Grasss!!!!!

[Strontium]

 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

On 07/09/2022 at 00:12, Bjornebye said:

I thought @mattyq had been quiet for a few days, go on son 

His brief is on the way

[manwiththestick]

27 minutes ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

His brief is on the way

U Wot mate?

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

5 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

U Wot mate?

You on your way?

[ZonkoVille77]

https://www.independent.ie/news/woman-66-had-50-cylindrical-batteries-removed-from-her-stomach-and-colon-at-st-vincents-hospital-in-dublin-41992966.html

 

A 66-year-old woman had 50 cylindrical batteries removed from her stomach and colon by surgeons at St Vincent’s Hospital in Dublin, a new case report has revealed.

She had also passed five AA batteries shortly after admission, bringing the total number ingested in an apparent act of deliberate self-harm to 55 – which the doctors believe to be a record.

An X-ray performed following the patient’s presentation at the hospital’s emergency department showed “multiple batteries” located throughout her abdomen, according to the case report published in this month’s Irish Medical Journal.

However, there was no sign of obstruction, perforation or damage to the structural integrity of the batteries, so a course of conservative management was pursued and the patient passed five batteries over the course of a week.

The other batteries, which included AA and AAA varieties, failed to progress in her digestive system, and she began to complain of abdominal pain and loss of appetite.

A decision was therefore made to perform surgery with a view to removing the objects, during which it was discovered that the patient’s stomach had swollen downward into the suprapublic area.

The surgeons removed a total of 46 batteries from her stomach, while another four that were located in her colon were “milked” into the rectum and removed, the case report said.

The patient made an “uneventful recovery” following the procedure, it added. However, the authors of the report noted that the potential of cylindrical batteries to result in surgical emergencies should not be underestimated.

They said the ingestion of cylindrical batteries was a “rare” method of self-harm that has the potential for several serious complications, including mucosal injury, perforation and obstruction.

Although unusual, the case report noted that the incidence of fatal and severe battery ingestion is increasing.

“Ingestion of larger cylindrical batteries is less frequently encountered, hence no clear practice guidelines have been developed. Potential options for dealing with cylindrical battery ingestion include conservative management, endoscopic extraction, or surgical retrieval,” it stated.

“To the best of our knowledge, this case represents the highest reported number of batteries ingested at a single point in time,” added the report, which was authored by a team of radiologists and colorectal surgeons at St Vincent’s Hospital.

[stringvest]

did the police charge her?

[ZonkoVille77]

Just now, stringvest said:

did the police charge her?

 

More power to her.

[Elite]

3 minutes ago, ZonkoVille77 said:

https://www.independent.ie/news/woman-66-had-50-cylindrical-batteries-removed-from-her-stomach-and-colon-at-st-vincents-hospital-in-dublin-41992966.html

 

A 66-year-old woman had 50 cylindrical batteries removed from her stomach and colon by surgeons at St Vincent’s Hospital in Dublin, a new case report has revealed.

She had also passed five AA batteries shortly after admission, bringing the total number ingested in an apparent act of deliberate self-harm to 55 – which the doctors believe to be a record.

An X-ray performed following the patient’s presentation at the hospital’s emergency department showed “multiple batteries” located throughout her abdomen, according to the case report published in this month’s Irish Medical Journal.

However, there was no sign of obstruction, perforation or damage to the structural integrity of the batteries, so a course of conservative management was pursued and the patient passed five batteries over the course of a week.

The other batteries, which included AA and AAA varieties, failed to progress in her digestive system, and she began to complain of abdominal pain and loss of appetite.

A decision was therefore made to perform surgery with a view to removing the objects, during which it was discovered that the patient’s stomach had swollen downward into the suprapublic area.

The surgeons removed a total of 46 batteries from her stomach, while another four that were located in her colon were “milked” into the rectum and removed, the case report said.

The patient made an “uneventful recovery” following the procedure, it added. However, the authors of the report noted that the potential of cylindrical batteries to result in surgical emergencies should not be underestimated.

They said the ingestion of cylindrical batteries was a “rare” method of self-harm that has the potential for several serious complications, including mucosal injury, perforation and obstruction.

Although unusual, the case report noted that the incidence of fatal and severe battery ingestion is increasing.

“Ingestion of larger cylindrical batteries is less frequently encountered, hence no clear practice guidelines have been developed. Potential options for dealing with cylindrical battery ingestion include conservative management, endoscopic extraction, or surgical retrieval,” it stated.

“To the best of our knowledge, this case represents the highest reported number of batteries ingested at a single point in time,” added the report, which was authored by a team of radiologists and colorectal surgeons at St Vincent’s Hospital.

That's very common in mental health units and such. My missus used to work in a female mental health unit and some would swallow everything they could get their hands on, including razor blades.

[stringvest]

1 minute ago, ZonkoVille77 said:

 

More power to her.

for two nights, she had to endure a cell

[ZonkoVille77]

2 minutes ago, Elite said:

That's very common in mental health units and such. My missus used to work in a female mental health unit and some would swallow everything they could get their hands on, including razor blades.

 

Literally mental. Lord knows how much of a bad mental state a person would be in to do that to themselves. Poor woman.

[Section_31]

My Mrs used to clean in a mental unit when she was at college. She said one bloke used to follow her down the hall on all fours pretending to be a spider. Another time some bloke watched her clean the whole common room before deliberately spewing up, but she said even though she was shit scared she made him clean it up purely on principle. 

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

My Mrs used to clean in a mental unit when she was at college. She said one bloke used to follow her down the hall on all fours pretending to be a spider. Another time some bloke watched her clean the whole common room before deliberately spewing up, but she said even though she was shit scared she made him clean it up purely on principle. 

Hahahahaha fucking hell 

[ZonkoVille77]

12 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

My Mrs used to clean in a mental unit when she was at college. She said one bloke used to follow her down the hall on all fours pretending to be a spider. Another time some bloke watched her clean the whole common room before deliberately spewing up, but she said even though she was shit scared she made him clean it up purely on principle. 

 

I spat my tea out. Fuck sake. 

[stringvest]

55 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Hahahahaha fucking hell 

I'd be climbing the walls

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, stringvest said:

I'd be climbing the walls

You're on form today. Pack it in I'm trying to concentrate 

[Elite]

1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

My Mrs used to clean in a mental unit when she was at college. She said one bloke used to follow her down the hall on all fours pretending to be a spider. Another time some bloke watched her clean the whole common room before deliberately spewing up, but she said even though she was shit scared she made him clean it up purely on principle. 

Imagine if he actually was Spiderman and they don't believe the poor cunt.

[sir roger]

My grandad worked for the Corpy for 50 years as a painter and decorator, and I remember him saying that he had to paint Park Lane mental hospital by Maghull He got speaking to a patient while he was eating his dinner and said he seemed perfectly normal and asked him to bring him a Daily Mirror in the next day. As my grandad left that night a cobble stone just missed his head and the guy shouted over ' Don't forget the paper'.

[Mudface]

2 hours ago, Section_31 said:

My Mrs used to clean in a mental unit when she was at college. She said one bloke used to follow her down the hall on all fours pretending to be a spider. Another time some bloke watched her clean the whole common room before deliberately spewing up, but she said even though she was shit scared she made him clean it up purely on principle. 

Probably good for her own mental health that this was cut from the original film-