Going for a shit in a public toilet

[ISeeRed]

I never feel totally comfortable dropping the kids off at the pool away from home, but the other day I was at a motorway service station bog and went into a cubicle to be confronted by something like this:

 

Clearly, the guy before me had carefully placed individual sheets of bog roll on the seat to avoid...what? Does the bloke also put on gloves when touching door handles in public buildings?

 

Anyway, what do you do when going for a dump in a public bog? Put paper on the seat? Squat and send your turds into the bowl from a great height and risk arse-splashing? Or do you just sit down, shit, and not worry about it?

[odris]

I hold it in until i get home

[Section_31]

When caught short I tend to try and hover, as a result my thighs are huge.

 

My mate goes for a shit in Morrison's every day, he won't use the works bog. I don't know if he's got come kind of OCD thing though.

[odris]

I must admit that Morrisons bogs are awesome, feels like heaven for the few short minutes i spend in there.

[dennis tooth]

Total Posts

1,999

 

 

My 2000th post and I had to waste it on this one. I couldn't help it though. I had a mate who used to do that. I've tried it myself when I was going through a rebellious AC Slater inspired experimentation, it's useful if the public toilet urine (your in) has actual shit stains on it all brown and yellow and it won't come off as the sun has dried the poo onto the plastic after you've levered the hard poo off. Otherwise as you say it's not much help when you go turning the tap, washing your hands and turning the tap for the millionth time that day someone has put microscopic poos on the tap. Lets just say it's a minefield. Let's not get bogged down in this shit.

[Antynwa]

I have never used a toilet other than my own to have a shite.

 

The two weeks in Ibiza where very long indeed.

[JohnnyH]

Some of the UK and Irelands best golf courses have little piles of my waste left behind in the bushes. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

[dennis tooth]

I have never used a toilet other than my own to have a shite.

 

The two weeks in Ibiza where very long indeed.

 

See i Just can't stand people like that. The sphincters that have become infected during less hygenic days are crying somewhere. Only the other day a man recently contracted CDIF in his urinary tract from splashback from a powerful wee so that the infection might be treated by red-faced McDonalds staff. Yellow pus and a wheezing willy fr 2 months was seen as a public duty to this man so that the staff could be alerted and snigger in the back before emerging with a mop and bucket.

People have died just to raise the standard so we can cop over the bowls in the modern age in safety and you are pooing on their caskets. A handful of soil would have sufficed.

[Unrighteous]

Luckily, I just AC Slater the bogs outside of my home. It makes it all alright.

[Section_31]

Is it against the law to shit on a public highway? What law could they arrest you under? disturbing the peace or what?

[dennis tooth]

I'm unable to think of a better place to shit at least it's carried off and dispersed equally by car tyres around the city. In fact one of the kennels I once worked at had the solution of large amounts of poo disposal of putting it in the road for that very reason.

[Strontium]

I never feel totally comfortable dropping the kids off at the pool away from home, but the other day I was at a motorway service station bog and went into a cubicle to be confronted by something like this:

 

 

I always do that, although I have the courtesy to flush the bog roll away.

 

I don't see it as being weird - who the fuck wants to sit in someone else's piss?

[Original202]

In Hong Kong (well in some places in Hong Kong) they have disposable toilet seat covers which you flush away when you're done. Though when I was there I was in far too much of a rush to mess about with that sort of thing.

 

And speaking from experience, you wouldn't be arrested for urinating or defecating in a public place, you'd just get an on the spot fine. I would be interested to see what they'd do if they caught you pooing though. I was caught mid-piss and the Police officer said "can you please stop that?" and naturally I couldn't as I was hammered and the seal was well and truly broken, yet the officer got angry as I continued to piss. I wonder if they'd allow you to lay a full cable or insist you left half of it in for later?

[Guest ShoePiss]

It's not weird at all, I used to do the same. They had ready made bog seat templates made out of tracing paper in the states for this.

 

The only thing strange is that that toilet looks like an American one.

[melons]

When caught short i do the hover thing, my bowels are pretty well trained to a morning service anyway, so its not often it happens. Actually, its not just a caught short thing, its when ever i use public toilets i hover.

 

If they have one of those toilet overs SD is talking about i will use one of those and sit comfortably.

[stevebaby]

I trained my bowels to do the drawback. The possibility of "touching cloth" adds a frisson of danger to an otherwise hum-drum existence.

[Spy Bee]

I have no problem shitting anywhere.

[Paulie Dangerously]

My housemate has an x-men power. It is to know when I need a shit and jump in the bath as soon as I get desperate.

 

One time in the morning, about 7am I woke desperate for a shit. Literally desperate, after a night on the cider. I was touching cloth and he was being a selfish cunt and having a bath in the morning. I also needed a piss so I went down to the kitchen to releive myself in the sink, but it only made matters worse.

 

Bottom line was that I grabbed a plastic bag from the cupboard, went into the back yard. it was still dark, I opened the bag, rolling down the sides so it stayed open and shat into the bag. I had the forsight to take kitchen roll with me to wipe up with. I tied the bag, with the roll in it, and threw it over my back wall into the entry. It was possibly my lowest ebb

 

*edit* this isn;t a public toilet, but a shit in public

[stevebaby]

There was a "phantom shitter" where I worked, used to leave steamers in the lifts. Never any sign of toilet paper either.

She got caught in the act eventually.

She had been spreading herself about in other ways, so the news of her guilt left a few blokes feeling a bit queasy, possiby due to the lack of paper. I'd fancied her, but never got there.

Went off her a bit after that.

[Lupin]

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[Alan Sex]

[Alan Sex]

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

I really enjoy having a shit on the train. Its got all the poo drama you need, you have the hovering posture as you know that everyone before you has pissed over the seat. The train does most of the work for you, instead of having to manually cut-off that last turtle i just wait until the train sways enough and my poo pendulum will fly-off at an unpredictable angle.

Especially love the look on other travellers faces when they use the loo afterwards.

[stevebaby]

Public toilets bring back some of the joys of a childhood long past.

I especially loved finger-painting as a kid. still do...

[Faustus]

Service station bogs are sound to shit in, but I'm weird about doing it anywhere else.

 

I once had a shit down the local and it was quite a grim experience.